How's Your Halo?
by singsongsung
Summary: Semi AU L/P. A friendship that blossomed into a romance just before it crashed and burned. The wreckage is littered with countless irreversibly heartbreaking mistakes, and yet there still seems to be something left to salvage.
1. Prologue

How's Your Halo

_**How's Your Halo?**_

**A/N:** I know, I know. This from the girl with one neglected story and another that she's giving a break for a while…but I just can't stop writing.

This is AU. In most ways the basic plotlines stay true to the show, but the conditions surrounding them have changed, relationships have changed, dynamics have changed. I'm not going to give any background. I'm just going to let it all speak for itself, and hopefully it will end up making sense…there will be time jumps in each chapter, and eventually everything will fall into place. Read and review, please; let me know if you're interested.

_It's been a long year _

_Since we last spoke_

_How's your halo?_

_Just between you and I_

_You and me and the satellites_

_I never believed you_

_I only wanted to_

_Before all this_

_What did I miss?_

_Do you ever get homesick?_

_I can't get used to it._

_I can't get used to it. _

_I'll never get used to it. _

_I'll never get used to it. _

_I'm under that night_

_I'm under those same stars_

_We're in a red car_

_You asleep at my side_

_Going in and out of the headlights_

_Could I have saved you?_

_Would that have betrayed you?_

_I wanna burn this film_

_You alone with those pills_

_What you couldn't do, I will_

_I forgive you._

_I'll forgive you. _

_I'll forgive you. _

_I forgive you. _

_For blue, blue skies…_

-- Strays Don't Sleep, "For Blue Skies"

**Prolgue: **September 13th, 2011; St. Flora, North Carolina

Peyton opened her eyes when she felt someone join her on the porch swing, their weight causing it to sway back and forth. She'd been sitting there for nearly have an hour, just gazing out into the darkness and shivering in her thin dress. She was cold, but not quite cold enough to do anything about it. "Hey," she whispered. She didn't need to turn to the side to see who was sitting with her, she just _knew_.

"Hey back," Brooke said softly, her voice carried by the cool night air as she rested her hand on Peyton's bare knee. She smiled sadly, nodding toward the house behind them. The windows were bright with light, and even outside, the murmur of constant chatter could be heard. "That's quite the bash," she commented. "Your kind of party, huh?" she added sympathetically. "You've been to more than you ever should have had to."

Peyton nodded, tears gathering in her eyes. "Yeah."

She could feel the force of Brooke's eyes, searching her face for any signs of what she was feeling. "Can you talk to me?" the brunette requested quietly, worry lacing every one of her words.

Peyton said nothing, simply leaned into Brooke, letting her friend support her weight as she rested her head on Brooke's shoulder.

Brooke stroked her hair, pulling her closer. "It's going to be okay. Okay? _You're_ going to be okay. We're going to get you through this. Haley and I will stay here with you tonight; the boys will have everything else under control."

"You don't have to do that," she protested. "I'll be fine on my own."

"We want to, honey. Let us look after you."

Peyton smiled slightly. She didn't have the strength to protest anymore than she already had. She'd let Brooke have her way for now.

"Hey…Peyt? I know this is the last thing you want to talk about but…"

Peyton knew what was coming before Brooke managed to ask.

"Did he call you?" she inquired hesitantly.

Her lips twisted into a bitter frown. "He isn't here, is he?"

"That's not what I asked you, honey."

"No. He didn't. Why would he? He has no obligation to me anymore."

"Bullshit," Brooke chided kindly. "He should've showed, _at least_ called."

"After everything –"

Brooke cut her off. "After _everything_, he owes you a goddamn phone call, considering the circumstances."

Peyton bit down on her lower lip until she tasted blood. "He doesn't, though. I fucked everything up."

"No," Brooke soothed, her heart going out to her friend. "You both made your mistakes; you both have your regrets."

"I'm betting I have a hell of a lot more."

Her best friend stayed quiet, an acknowledgement of the truth in Peyotn's words. Peyton didn't take it as an insult – she had screwed up to a point of no return, and they both knew it.

"We'll get you through this," Brooke assured her.

"I know you will," Peyton replied confidently. Brooke had always made sure to take care of her. "But I don't know how to get through everything else."

"Shh."

"No, I…I really _don't_. I don't know how I got here. This isn't how I want to be, but I don't see a way back."

"There's always a way back, babe," Brooke told her confidently.

"I don't think there is," Peyton sighed into her shoulder. "And I am just so _tired_ of it all."

Brooke's grip on her tightened instinctively. "Don't say that," she ordered, taking on a harsh tone for the first time since she'd shown up on Peyton's doorstep with piles of luggage and open arms. Fear clutched at her heart. "Don't ever say that. What did I tell you? I'm not going to let you give up. I won't."

Peyton sighed again. Her eyelids felt heavy, but she knew from the experience of the past few days that she wouldn't be getting much sleep. "Sometimes I wish you would," she murmured.

"Peyton," Brooke said sharply. "I never will, so stop thinking like that. There are people here for you today who love you and who need you, and you aren't going anywhere. Life is a bitch, P. Sawyer, I _know_ that, but you've gotta fight back, okay? No matter what anyone else says, _I_ need you to fight back."

Peyton could hear the tears in Brooke's voice and felt bad for ever having brought it up. She was just too tired to even think about moving on with her life sometimes. There were days when she felt like she'd had all the good moments that she'd ever have, and more than her fair share of bad ones. Considering how many people she loved were currently hanging out in heaven, death had ceased to be something scary and more of a comfort to her. "I know," she finally said. "I'm sorry."

Before Brooke could reply, a little girl ran out onto the porch, and for the billionth time Peyton marveled at how perfectly beautiful she was. Her bouncy blonde hair and sparkling eyes contrasted viciously with her somber black dress.

"Mommy!" she cried happily, but the gloomy atmosphere told her to keep her voice down, and she did.

"Hey, you," Brooke greeted her, brightening her voice as she opened her arms.

Peyton straightened up so that the four-year-old could clamber onto the swing and climb into Brooke's arms.

"What's up, honey bug?" Brooke asked, using her nickname that had developed inexplicably nearly two years ago and stuck.

The little girl ignored her question, studying Peyton's face worriedly. "You're sad," she observed mutedly, and Peyton watched how Brooke's arms tightened around the preschooler, trying to keep her safe from all the fear and pain in the world…all of the fear and pain in Peyton's world, at least.

"Yeah, a little," she agreed, attempting a smile.

She threw her long, skinny arms around Peyton's neck impulsively, offering up the only comfort she could provide in the form of a hug. Peyton hugged her back, warmly but not tightly, pressing a kiss to the shell of her ear. She could feel Brooke giving her one of _those_ looks, the looks she always got when she interacted with the little girl. It was for that reason, amongst others, that she tended to keep her distance in front of her friends.

Haley stepped out of the door of the house at that moment, catching the hug, and her breath caught in her throat. Her eyes flew to Brooke, who she knew was thinking the same thoughts. She cleared her throat as Peyton released the little girl. "You guys look cozy," she commented quietly, offering a sympathetic smile. "You must be exhausted, Peyton. I caught you up at three this morning, so don't you dare tell me you've been getting sleep. I can get everyone out of here if you want to hit the sack."

"Thanks, Hales," she said, her voice raw and mournful. "For everything, for taking care of this evening for me."

"Of course, honey," Haley said instantly. She turned to the little girl, plastering a brighter smile on. "What do you say, Luce? You want to go back to the hotel for a sleepover?"

Lucy pouted. "Why can't I stay here?"

"Come on, sweetie, it'll be fun. I'm going to stay here with your mom and your aunt tonight, but you can go home and hang out with Jamie and Nathan. That sounds fun, right?"

"Yeah…I guess so."

"Come on," Haley repeated, extending a hand. "Say goodnight and let's get you all ready to go."

"Okay," Lucy agreed hesitantly.

"Go on, honey bug," Brooke told her, nuzzling their noses together and gently setting the four-year-old on the ground. "I love you."

"Love you, too," she replied sweetly, accepting Haley's hand and waving over her shoulder. "G'night, Aunt Peyton."

"Goodnight," Peyton replied hoarsely. The moment Haley led Lucy back inside, she stood up. "I guess I should go thank everyone for being here, too. And like Haley said…go to bed."

"P. Sawyer," Brooke said sadly, aching to talk about bigger things, but then she sighed and let it go. "Okay. Fine. We'll talk about it some other time. You've been through enough today."

"Thank you," Peyton sighed, and Brooke could only watch as she slipped back into the house.

She leaned back, using her feet to gently push herself back and forth on the swing, and thinking about how Peyton was right in some ways. Sometimes Brooke looked at her and wondered where the pretty eight-year-old with a shy smile had gone, how that little girl had morphed into someone so uncertain, so devastated, so close to giving up on it all.

Her cell phone was practically calling out to her fingers; she longed to grab it and access her speed dial list, to hear the voice of the person who could some to the rescue. And yet, another part of her was wary of that possibility, of all the time and the people and the distance that would make said person's reappearance difficult to cope with.

Nathan stepped out of the door, closing it quietly behind him and looking at her expectantly. "Well?" he demanded worriedly.

Brooke shrugged shakily. "She's not doing so good."

He walked over to the swing and joined her there; the strength in his legs was enough to push it for them both, so Brooke took a break for a while. Nathan had been acting as a pillar for their small group lately, and she wondered if it was taking a toll on him.

"She just buried her brother," Nathan said gruffly. "Of course she's not doing well."

"You know what I mean," Brooke insisted. "Nathan, I…I want to call him."

His eyes widened considerably. "No way in hell," he scoffed.

"Nathan…" she pleaded.

"And what good is that going to do, huh?"

"I don't know!" Brooke cried loudly, startling him. "I don't know if it's going to do any good at all! But Nathan, she's in this downward spiral and I don't…I don't know if I can pull her out anymore and it's scaring the hell out of me. I need help."

"I'm here. Haley's here," he reminded her.

"And she knows that you love her. But it's not the same thing."

Nathan ground his back teeth together. They'd promised one another, years ago, that they were going to make sure that those two lived very separate lives. Their convoluted relationship was literally killing Peyton, and putting stress on them all. They'd all wanted to remain neutral, to stay friends with both parties, but they'd all slowly begun to take Peyton's side. Nathan felt bad about that sometimes; they were one another's family, and he didn't ever want to abandon anyone, but Peyton got his concern and his support…he'd chosen her team, in the end, and he was the kind of person who stuck with his decisions, especially when he'd always been very firm in the reasons for making them.

"Nate?" Brooke asked, her voice cracking.

He sighed. "Brooke, I don't know. I don't know if it's the best –"

"Nathan," she cut him off. "What if it gets as bad as last time?"

He gulped. "You…you think that's where it's headed?"

"I feel like he's our last hope," she said plaintively.

"But…but he was the _cause_ of everything that happened _last time_. How is his presence possibly going to improve this?"

"I don't know if it will…but what if we don't call, what if we don't ask, and what…what if we end up asking _what if_ someday. What if we'd just asked him to come to her."

"Don't talk like that," Nathan protested. "This funeral is already fucking depressing."

Brooke brushed away the tears that managed to escape her eyes. "I can't lose her," she murmured.

"You won't," he snapped instantly, and she stared at him, eyes big and sad. Nathan didn't like to think about extreme circumstances or dire consequences – he would take denial any day…and Brooke knew that. "_Fine_," he huffed. "So we could call him. But what about –"

"Doesn't have to be an issue," she said smoothly, the businesslike aspect of her personality shining through.

"Well, what if he doesn't want to –"

"Please," she scoffed, classic Brooke Davis.

"Okay," Nathan tried again, "what if he wants to stay with –"

"Nathan," she interjected softly. "Are you listening to yourself? Things may have changed, and time's passed…but do you really believe any of the excuses you're making?"

"I guess not…" he grumbled. "I just don't want to make things worse."

"It's only uphill from here," she shrugged sadly. "You always say that Peyton's like a sister to you –"

"Brooke," he said, suddenly filled with the urge to laugh. "I have never _once_ said that. That's creepy. I love Peyton, but you don't have a sexual history with your sister."

She leaned in close to him, lifting her eyebrows. "Stupid technicalities, okay? The point is that you love her." She fished her phone out of her purse without breaking eye contact and held it out to him. "So prove it. Do what's right for her."

Less than a minute later, a familiar voice said, _Hello?_ into his ear, and he sighed heavily. Brooke nudged him, and he finally gave in, saying, "You'd better get your ass on a plane."

"Excuse me?" he spluttered, and then asked incredulously, "_Nate_?"

Nathan definitely wasn't in the mood for some sort of emotional conversation, so he didn't waste words. "Get on a plane," he repeated roughly. "She needs you."

There was silence and then, "Uh-huh. Right. I'm sorry, am I missing something? I believe you were the same guy who told me to stay the fuck out of her life, and that I only made her miserable and messed up her world. Have you forgotten about that?"

"Didn't you hear me?" Nathan all but growled. "She _needs_ you."

In a softer, earnest way, "No, she doesn't. I'll only fuck things up again."

Brooke snatched the phone out of Nathan's hands. "Are you _listening_, you selfish jerk? She _needs_ you."

"Brooke? But you told me –"

"I don't _care_ what I told you," she said aggressively, arching an eyebrow threateningly even though he couldn't see her. "What _time_ does your _flight_ get _in_?"

After a pause, followed by the tapping of keys and a _click_, he finally said, "Noon tomorrow."

"Super," she said sarcastically. "I'll pick you up."

"I can take a cab," he said hurriedly, probably worried that her greeting would be the same as her parting words to him had been: accompanied by a slap.

"Fine," she huffed.

He chuckled lightly. "Is that how make all your business deals, Brooke Davis?"

The smallest of smiles tugged up her lips, and she turned away to avoid Nathan's surprise at the sign of happiness. "Yes, you bastard. And it _works_, thank you very much."

"Okay. Well. I guess…I guess I'll see you…tomorrow."

"Yeah," she agreed. "And…Lucas?" she asked before he could hang up, her voice shaking as her lips trembled a bit. She closed her eyes and sighed. "_Thank you_," she breathed into the phone, and she knew from his silence that he understood what she was trying to say.


	2. One

**A/N:** The response to the first chapter was great; thank you guys so much. I'm such a liar about taking a break from fanfic…I have six chapters of this written. I know there's a lot of mystery right now…but what fun is a story where there _isn't_ any? One thing I should have told you in the last chapter: the core five have known one another all of their lives. Oh, and whoever's dictating the ages of the kids on this show has really messed things up – for the sake of this story, in 2011, Brooke, Peyton, Nathan, Lucas, and Haley are 25 – which really does make sense if they are 22 in 2008, a.k.a. now. Which means that in 2003, they're seventeen. The rest should fall into place over the course of the story…just keep the timeline in mind. _Read and review, please._

**One**: September 29th, 2003; Tree Hill, North Carolina

"I don't know what to _do_," Haley lamented, pulling her hair up off of her neck and into a ponytail. "I _love_ Nathan."

"I know you do," Lucas agreed calmly as he peered around the corner before turning onto Haley's street. They'd been having the same conversation all afternoon and through most of the evening. Lucas loved Haley, and he knew that she was conflicted, and he was honoured that she'd chosen him as her confidant…but he was relieved that they were about two minutes from her doorstep. He hated to leave her alone with her messy thoughts, but he had his own things happening, his own issues to deal with, and he needed some time to himself.

"But," Haley sighed as she always did, feeling utterly annoyed with herself and her inability to come to a decision, "this is an _amazing_ opportunity."

"Yeah, it is," he agreed for what felt like the infinite time.

"Dammit, Luke…will you please give me some advice?"

"_Hell_ no," he said, smiling softly. "I'm not getting involved. You should do what _you_ want to do, Hales. And if I give you _my_ opinion, no matter what _your_ choice is, it's _my_ ass Nathan's going to kick."

She rewarded him with a small smile that twisted into a frown. "Do you think I made a mistake, Luke? Getting married so young?"

Lucas laid his hand over hers and gave it a comforting squeeze. "_No,"_ he said firmly. "I think you're a little crazy, but I definitely wasn't a mistake. Just follow your heart, Haley."

She sighed as he pulled up in front of her apartment building. "My heart wants to go two very different places."

"Well," he remarked reflectively, "that's selfish."

Her jaw dropped and she smacked his arm, giggling reluctantly, before opening her door. "I'll see you later, loser. Thanks for listening."

"Any time. You'll figure it out," he promised her before offering up a wave before he sped off.

He had his own fair share of drama to deal with, but he was in the mood for something for relaxing. He thought it would be best to sprawl out on his bed with _Catcher in the Rye_ and some music appropriate to his mood. Moody music screamed of one person: Peyton. He took a left instead of a right on the next street, veering toward her house to see if she could lend him a CD that would lend itself to his brooding.

He parked in the street outside her house and walked briskly up the driveway, letting himself in through the front door without a second thought. He couldn't remember the last time he'd knocked before entering the Sawyer household.

The moment he stepped inside, he realized that it wouldn't have been the worst idea to knock just this once. The house was usually noisy – there was little Peyton loved more than loud music – but the ruckus in her home on this day was of a much different variety. The growl of a protective-sounding male voice was battling it out with a somewhat melodic, deliberately calm female one.

Before Lucas could make any sort of assessment of the situation, a hand reached out and grabbed him by his collar, yanking him onto the stairs. His head was still spinning as Peyton's voice gasped, her breath hot and heavy on his neck, "Thank god you're here."

It was only then, at the sheer relief in her voice, that he realized how long it had been since he'd actually checked in with Peyton. There was just so much going on: Haley and her tour opportunity, Nathan and his jealousy of Chris Keller, his mother's trip to New Zealand, Brooke's pleas with him to help her come up with a budget now that she was no longer rich, and Lucas' own usual issues, which Peyton had long ago dubbed his Daddy-doesn't-love-me problems. Haley and Brooke preferred to refer to it as 'Dan Drama'.

"What's going on?" he asked her gently, joining her to sit on one of the steps and wrapping an arm lightly around her shoulders.

"Ellie," she whispered back, nodding toward the voices, which were rising out of the kitchen.

Lucas nodded, understanding the seriousness of it all. He hadn't been around for much of this, and he instantly felt guilty and a bit hypocritical. For years, he'd made sure to be there for Peyton, but when something as monumental as discovering that she was adopted – which Brooke, of course, liked to refer to as the 'Mystery Mama Mess' – he had hardly been there. "I'm sorry," he said sympathetically. Peyton looked young and vulnerable, much more innocent and delicate than she ever let the world see her, curled up on the steps with her chin resting on her knees. She looked like a little kid, crouched on the staircase and listening warily to her parents' argument.

"I just don't know what to _do_, Luke. I can't be mad at my mom – Anna – whatever, I just…I can't, because I-I miss her."

"I know you do," he said quietly, dropping his hand down to rub her back.

"I just keep channeling all my anger toward my dad, and I know he was just trying to do…what he thought was right, but at the same time…"

"I get it," Lucas assured her.

"Why _now_?" Peyton demanded, her voice thick. "Why did she have to show up _now_?" She looked at him, straight into his eyes, tears shining in hers. She'd never been so unsure in her own home before, and it was disconcerting.

"Aw, Peyt…" He shook his head. "Come on, let's get you out of here, okay? Tell your dad we're going to a movie or something."

She shook her head, too. "No, I already told him I couldn't be here anymore, not right now…I said I was staying at Brooke's tonight. If you could just drive me over that would be great." She sighed heavily. She _really_ didn't want to be at home, but she didn't particularly want to spend the evening shopping online for bikinis with Brooke.

Lucas could tell she wasn't exactly excited about that possibility either. "Hey," he said, suggesting, "Why don't you come home with me?"

"Yeah?" she said with a small smile before she sighed. "Luke, I appreciate it, but I'm still going to have to go over there to sleep, and a sleepover with Brooke very rarely involves…sleeping."

He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, trying to make her smile again. "What _does_ it involve, Miss Sawyer?"

Peyton, never one to turn down a challenge, played along. She leaned toward his, running her tongue lightly over the shell of his ear. "You really want to know?" she whispered coyly, her teeth tugging gently at the lobe.

Lucas actually felt a shiver run down his spine, and he pulled away. "You win," he said, clearing his throat. "But just this time."

"I _don't_ win," she sighed, finding herself back in her depressing mood instantly. "I still have to survive a Brooke Davis sleepover. Her heart's in the right place, but I'm just not in the mood."

He cleared his throat yet again. "I repeat: come home with me."

She furrowed her brow, blinking innocently. "You mean, like…stay at your place?"

"Yeah. Sure."

"But…what about your mom?"

"She's in New Zealand," he reminded her with a chuckle. "It's fine."

"But…" She was still frowning, uncertain about this master plan of his, even though it did sound much better than staying home or going to Brooke's. "Luke…won't it be weird?"

"Why?" he shrugged, determined to be blasé about it. "We used to sleep in each other's beds all the time."

"When we were _kids_." Before they had crushes and were aware of physicality and were having sex.

"Peyt…" he gave her that smile that always warmed her heart. "When has anything ever been weird with us?" There had never really been barriers between them. He stood up without waiting for an answer, holding his hand out to her. "C'mon. Let's go somewhere…safer."

She couldn't hold out any longer, and placed her hand in his, relishing the strength and comfort of his grasp. "Okay," she whispered.

* * *

"Hey, girlie, you need company?" Brooke asked, holding up a bag of junk food and some DVDs.

Haley somehow both smiled and frowned. "How did you know?"

Brooke stepped through the doorway, smiling sympathetically. "Nathan's been a little…well, whatever he is, lately."

"Yeah," Haley agreed sadly. "He's not home right now. I'm glad you're here," she said with a genuine smile, "but aren't you supposed to be with Peyton?"

"She cancelled on me; she's a mess right now. And on the subject of messes, let's get back to yours."

She grimaced. "I'd rather not."

"He'll come around, honey," Brooke assured her confidently. "He loves you. He just needs to know that you're sticking around." She walked over to the counter and began unpacking her bag, putting the soda into the freezer to cool it off and grabbing a bowl to empty the chips into.

Haley walked over to her, slipping onto a stool and propping her elbows on the counter. "Look, Brooke –"

Brooke jaw dropped and she pointed a finger right in Haley's face, causing her to squirm backward. "You _are_ staying, right?" After about two seconds of silence, she cried, "_Haley James Scott_!"

"Okay, wait, Brooke, listen to me –"

"Hales, you can't go! Think about what it'll do to Nathan! If he's struggling _now_, then what –"

"Brooke!" she cried. "You have to understand what a great opportunity this is for me!"

Brooke frowned, pulling back her finger and leaning in toward her friend. "Be straight with me, okay? Is this about Keller?"

"No!" Haley cried emphatically. "It's really not; it's about my music."

Brooke sighed. "Haley, I just…"

"Just say it. Really. Lucas wouldn't give me a word of advice."

"Ha, trust me, Hales. I'm not going to either."

Haley groaned. "But what do I _do_? Lucas just kept telling me to follow my heart."

Brooke rolling her eyes, grinning reluctantly. "Lucas and his lines."

"I know, right?"

"But he's right, Haley," Brooke said softly. "You should follow your heart. I just don't know what I'd do without you, buddy."

"Thank you," Haley whispered. "Even though that makes me feel incredibly guilty."

"We all want what's best for you," Brooke shrugged, "but I can't imagine not having you around to help us all out. I don't know how Nathan would be, or how Peyton and I would manage without you. Or what Lucas would do without you to talk to. There's just all this stuff going on with all of us."

"Yeah…Speaking of stuff, and speaking of Lucas…what's going on with you, too? I was with him all afternoon, but we mostly talked about…me."

Brooke laughed, pulling the bottle of soda out of the freezer and picking up the bowl of chips as she walked over to the couch, folding her legs underneath her as she sat down.

"Well?" Haley asked, following her to the couch and flopping down next to her.

"_Nothing_ is going on with Lucas and me. You know that."

Haley gave her a skeptical look. "Two months ago you were lying on this very couch bawling about how he didn't love you as much as you loved him, and how you were worried that he was the _one_ and you were missing out on some kind of fate, and that –"

"Okay, missy, thank you, I don't need to relive the experience. Luke and I are over. And I'm okay with that now."

"Really?"

"Really. I think."

Haley shook her head. "I feel disconnected from everyone right now. We're all just so caught up in ourselves and your own problems."

"I know what you mean," Brooke said slowly. "Hey. Tell you what. Whenever the hell Nathan decides to get his butt back here, we'll call Lucas and P. Sawyer and tell them that all five of us are going to hang out tonight. Midnight at the river court, just the five of us."

Haley grinned, her eyes lost in the past. "Like it used to be." She studied the brunette sitting next to her, who also wore a somewhat wistful expression. "Hey, Tigger, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Do you ever think, with us…that someone was destined to get hurt?"

Brooke set the bowl of chips on the coffee table and dedicated all of her attention to her friend. "I don't understand."

"It's always been a thought that's lurked in the back of my mind, you know? Two boys and three girls. Someone's going to get left behind."

"Haley…there's no law that states that we have to hook up with one another. You and Nathan are going to be fine; you make sense together. Lucas and Peyton and I, on the other hand…we're going to have to fend for ourselves out there in the world."

Haley sighed, staring out the window into the darkness of the evening. It was easier for her to see her own self, her worried face reflected in the glass, than the actual objects outside of her apartment. "I wonder where he is," she mused, more to herself than Brooke.

Brooke's hand landed lightly on Haley's closed fist. "I'm going to be here with you until he gets back."

Haley flipped her hand over, lacing their fingers together and squeezing back. "Thanks, Brooke."

The brunette flashed her dimpled smile. "We're going to be okay, Hales. Just believe that."

* * *

"So, how is Nathan doing?" Peyton asked from her place on Lucas' bed as Jimmy Eat World filtered through the speakers of his computer and filled the room.

Lucas frowned playfully. "What makes you think that I know?"

She laughed aloud. "Please, Luke. You always make sure to take care of us all. So 'fess up. Is he okay?"

He shrugged; he honestly didn't have that good of an idea. "I've been a little absorbed with my own problems lately…I guess I've been neglecting that particular take-care-of-everybody character trait." He laid down next to her. It was getting dark, but there was just enough light finding its way into his room that he didn't feel the need to turn on any lamps.

"You…you don't think Haley's actually going to go, do you?"

Lucas shrugged again. "That's her decision to make, Peyt."

She nodded, flashing a forced smile. "I know," she said, her voice tear-clogged.

"Hey," he said softly, worriedly, turning to fully face her. He threw an arm lightly over her body, pulling her closer to him. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing," she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder.

"I know you better than that," he chided her.

"My mom died, Luke," she whispered. "Is it horrible that I want it to have ended with that?"'

"No. It's not."

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did," he chuckled, knowing that that response would annoy her. "But you can ask me another, of course you can."

"What do you think she would have wanted me to do? Do you think she would have wanted me to let Ellie into my life?"

Lucas raised his eyebrows even though Peyton, tucked into his shoulder, couldn't see his face. That was a heavy question, and one that he didn't have the answers to. "I can't tell you. I wish I could."

Peyton sniffled. She didn't know why she'd asked; of course Lucas wouldn't have an answer, not if she herself didn't.

"Talk to me. Tell me what's going on in your head. I know there's more to the story." When she shook her head, he forged on, saying, "Come on. Let me at least try to help you."

"You are helping." She tilted her chin up to look into his eyes. "You always help me."

He smiled at her and stayed silent for a moment, letting her words settle onto them. "Do you want to watch a movie or something?" he offered. "You should try to think about something else for a while."

She grinned mirthlessly. "Not gonna happen," she replied through a yawn. "I really just want to go to sleep."

He craned his neck to see over her body to where his clock sat on his nightstand. "Jeez, it's only nine o'clock."

"Are you calling me a baby?" she asked huffily.

"More like a nerd," he shrugged, pulling away from her hand, which immediately leapt up to swat at him.

"You're lucky I love you," she muttered, sitting up.

He swung his legs off the bed, moving to get up. "Do you want something else to sleep in? You can stay in here, if it's weird…I'll go sleep in my mom's room."

Peyton grabbed his hand and pulled. He followed her lead, lying back down and trying not to look too soft and she settled herself flush against him, her shoulder tucked into the crook of his neck. "It's not weird," she said quietly. "This is good. You and me…and Jimmy Eat World. It feels good. I've missed you lately." Lucas had the wonderful ability to make her feel better just by being close to her.

"I've missed you, too," Lucas confessed quietly, resting his head against hers and inhaling the scent of her hair. "Peyton…even if we lose each other sometimes…you know that I'm always here for you, right?"

"I know. I'm here for you, too. It's just…it's hard to say things, sometimes."

"Yeah," he agreed with a sigh. "Like…"

That single word alerted her, causing her to pull away, propping herself up with one elbow and resting her head on her hand. "Like what, Luke?"

He blew out his breath, and searched her eyes for any signs of judgment. There weren't any, so he blurted out, "Sometimes I think I made a mistake. Pulling Dan out of that fire." He raised his eyebrows. "That's a horrible thing to think, right?"

Peyton pressed her lips together. "Do you remember what you told me after my mom died?"

"I told you lots of things."

"Yeah. And one of the things you said was that you wished you could trade Dan in, for me to have my mom back; you said that her life was more valuable than his. Maybe it's twisted, Luke…but that was so sweet of you, and I can't cast judgment on how you feel toward Dan. All I know is that you are so good that sometimes I wonder if you're really even related to him."

He furrowed his brow. "Are you implying that my mom was a slut?"

She gasped. "What – no, I was just –"

Lucas laughed and reached out, pulling her back to settle in his arms. "I was joking. Maybe it's twisted, Peyt…but that was so sweet of you."

"You are such a sweet talker," she scoffed playfully. "Using my own words against me."

"Can't help it," he muttered, his eyelids growing heavy. "It just feels good right now, you and me and Jimmy Eat World."

"Yeah," she whispered, so quietly it was almost as though she was afraid that he would hear her, snuggling closer to him. "It feels right."

* * *

"Haley! I can't believe that you can't even fit _ten_ marshmallows in your mouth."

Haley gulped down the four marshmallows she had managed to squash into her mouth and chugged down a glass of water. "This is the _last_ time I play truth or dare with you."

Brooke rolled her eyes. "Whatever." Haley said that every time. "But seriously, Hales, only four? You have a _small_ mouth. That must _suck_ for Nathan when you –"

Haley threw a handful of marshmallows at her, blushing and crying, "Shut up!"

Brooke grinned devilishly. "Luckily for you, it's eleven thirty. Game's over, I win. Should we call the posse?"

"You mean the gang?" Haley teased. They'd never been able to come to a consensus when deciding what to call their small group. Brooke used posse, Haley preferred gang, Lucas was inclined to refer to them as the crew. Nathan, inclined toward sports, tended to say 'the team'; Peyton liked to play around with a title for them, using everything from peeps to hoes to family – it all depended on her mood, whether it was bitchy or sentimental or somewhere in between.

"Yeah, yeah," Brooke laughed, picking up the marshmallows Haley had thrown at him and dumping them in the garbage.

"Nathan's still not back," Haley replied, glancing at the clock just as it changed from 11:34 to 11:35.

"He'll just have to miss the party, then," Brooke said teasingly, but she threw Haley a comforting smile as she pulled her phone out of her bag and dialed Lucas' number.

His voice was gravelly with sleep when he answered.

"You are not seriously asleep!" Brooke cried incredulously.

He yawned. "What can I do for you, Brooke?"

"You can get out of bed, first of all, and get that hot body of yours to the river court," she said, matter-of-fact and flirtatious at the same time.

"I'm tired," he whined childishly.

"Haley and I want to hang out with you. You're seriously going to turn that proposition down?"

Lucas chuckled sleepily, trying not to wake Peyton, who was still tucked into his side. "I guess I can be there in half an hour."

"I guess you can, too," she smiled. "See you there, Broody boy."

Haley waved her cell phone in the air when Brooke hung up. "No answer at Peyton's."

"Huh," Brooke said, her brow creasing. "Do you think we should be worried?"

"She's probably in bed," Haley replied. "We should just give her some time and let her sleep…maybe she can finally have a real conversation with her dad."

"Okay," she agreed. "I guess it's just you, me, and Luke then…" She arched her eyebrows. "This could be fun."

Haley giggled. "In your dreams, Brooke Davis."

* * *

When they arrived at the river court, they found Nathan there, shooting hoops in the harsh glow of the court's lighting.

"Hey," Haley said softly, walking toward him and instinctively hugging him, despite his sweat-soaked shirt. Brooke smiled at the sight. Those two together always gave her hope for true love, even when they were fighting.

"Hey," Nathan said quietly, and both girls could tell that his bitter, annoyed front was fading away.

Lucas' car pulled up, and both he and Peyton climbed out, looking sleepy and a little grumpy.

Brooke eyed their wrinkled clothes and mussed-up hair as they made their way over. "Well, _well_," she said, trying to stifle the spark of jealousy she felt. "What were _you_ two up to? And here I thought Peyton ditched me for a night of solitary moping."

"We were asleep," Lucas said, and it only dawned on him at that moment that it would be natural to assume from their appearance and the simple fact of togetherness that they'd hooked up. He studied Brooke, searching for any signs of resentment, considering they'd only broken up a couple months ago and she'd had yet to get involved seriously – or even semi-seriously – with anyone else.

"How're you doing?" Haley asked, walking over to give Peyton a hug.

Peyton smiled blearily at her, returning the hug. "I'm…" She shook her head. "I'm glad to see you. You're going to stay, right?"

Haley looked at the unmasked hopefulness in Peyton's tired eyes and bit down on her lower lip. "I really don't know," she confessed.

"What?" Nathan snapped, staring intensely at her.

"Hey, whoa!" Brooke interrupted. "You guys, come on. Let's just sit down and…not talk for

little bit," she said, nodding toward the picnic at the side of the court. She hadn't intended for this to be a night of fighting.

She sat on the table part, propping her feet up on the bench where you were supposed to sit. Haley sat on one side of her, resting her head on Brooke's shoulder. Peyton sat on Brooke's other side on the actual bench part, resting her head against Brooke's knee Lucas sat next to her, his fingers tangled with hers, and Nathan sat up on the table on the other side of his brother. Brooke smiled at him, reaching out to take his hand, so that they were all connected.

Haley tilted her head back a bit, her heart pounding. She tried to calm down, searching the sky for familiar constellations. She could remember when it had all been so much simpler. When they were all friends, all happy with one another, all kids who snuck out of their homes in the middle of the night to look at the stars. Those were the days when they were inseparable, untouchable friends, the days before life got in the way. Before Brooke became head cheerleader, before Peyton and Nathan hooked up, before Lucas found out about his heart condition, before sibling rivalry came into play, before Peyton and Lucas developed a connection that the others couldn't penetrate, before Haley and Nathan fell in love, before Brooke handed her heart over to Lucas and waited to get his back. She smiled a little, thinking of the days when Nathan was such an annoying jock, when Brooke was too prissy, when Peyton was too moody, and when Lucas was always wrapped up in a book. When they all drove her crazy but she loved them to death all the same.

"We can't just sit here and pretend like nothing's wrong," Nathan grumbled from the other side of the table.

"I was actually kind of enjoying it," Peyton commented wryly, and a giggle escaped Brooke's lips.

"Come on," the brunette chided them. "There's nothing here that we can't fix."

"Haley," Nathan sighed. "What are you thinking?" His voice was more tired than angry.

"I…Nathan," she breathed, her heart in her voice even though she couldn't actually see him at the moment. "It's just such a great opportunity. I'll never get this chance again."

"So you're going," he said, his voice void of emotion. "You're picking the tour. You're picking Chris."

"I am _not_," she said firmly. "I'm just going to go out there and pursue my dream. I'm not giving up on us, on _any_ of you. My marriage means the world to me, all of you mean a lot to me. I'm going, yeah," she admitted shakily. "But I'm going to come _back_."

To everyone's surprise, it was Peyton's who responded sharply, not Nathan. "Then what, Haley?" she demanded. "You can't do that! Not to any of us, but especially not to Nathan. You abandon us all, you go do your things, you come back…and then what? You feel good about yourself? You make peace? You pretend you never hurt anyone, even though we all suffered while you were gone, even though we might have needed you?"

Haley pulled away from Brooke, sitting up, her eyes glowing in the night, glistening with shock and sadness. "Peyton –"

"No! Haley, if you leave, consider our friendship over. I won't let you treat Nathan like that. I won't be fine with you treating _me_ like that." She jumped up, pulling her hand out of Lucas' and ignoring Brooke's incredulous called of, _Peyton!_

"What…?" Haley gasped.

"She has a point," Nathan said gruffly, hopping off of the table. "I need to get out of here."

"Nate!" Brooke cried again, but he ignored her as he walked off.

Haley's eyes filled with tears. "I just – I want – I don't mean to – I still love him, this isn't supposed to _hurt_ anyone, it was…"

"I know," Lucas told her soothingly. "And if you go…then you go. Don't leave without saying goodbye," he sighed, standing up.

"Luke!" she said desperately.

"I'm not angry, Haley; I love you and I told you to follow your heart," he said simply, but he nodded toward the direction Peyton had run off to, "I have to go make sure she's okay."

As Haley watched the retreating back of the other boy she loved, in a different way but just as strongly, her tears finally slipped out of her eyes. "I didn't mean for…" She turned to Brooke, who was suddenly the only friend she seemed to have left, "Will you hate me if I go?"

Brooke shook her head. "None of us will, honey; don't listen to them. But Hales…this is going to change things. You have to know that. You can't expect it not to." She paused. "Is it worth it?"

"I don't know," Haley whispered. "But I don't think I can forgive myself if I don't find out."

"Then you go," Brooke told her. "And we'll still love you."

* * *

Peyton had run across the river walk and down to the beach. That was where Lucas found her, as he had countless times in the past, sitting in the sand.

He joined her without saying a word, worriedly watching tears make their way down her cheeks. She glanced at him for the briefest of seconds before focusing her gaze on the water again. After nearly five minutes of tension-packed silence, she said, "I'm scared."

Lucas nodded, his shoulder pressed against hers, providing some body heat. "Haley will always be there for you, Peyton. She loves you." He eyed her carefully before he finally said, "And I think you know that, don't you?"

She nodded once, her eyes still fixed on the waves crashing onto the sand.

"So what's really going on, Peyt?"

Peyton let her hand fall to the sand in between their legs, tracing a heart into it with her index finger. "She has cancer," she whispered.

His eyes widened, and as he realized who she was talking about, several things fell into place. "Ellie does?"

Peyton nodded, blinking furiously. "I can't lose another mom, Luke. I _can't_ go through that again."

Lucas frowned. "Is it that bad?"

She nodded. "Ellie seems…she seems, I don't know, _cool_. She seems nice. And there's a part of me that wants to let her in, but I can't…she gets to make her peace with me, to learn who her daughter is, and then…what? Leave."

"Like people always do," Lucas sighed, talking more to himself than the girl next to him. "Peyton…I'm sorry."

She leaned into him tiredly. "What do I do, Lucas?" she whispered.

He wrapped both arms around her, letting her sink into the embrace. "I don't know, Peyt…but you said it yourself. You're her daughter. And maybe that's what it comes down to."

"I just get so _sick_ of it."

Lucas instantly understood what she was talking about. "I know you do," he sighed. "But you have to remember that not _everyone_ is going to obey that rule of yours."

"And where's the proof for that, huh?" she demanded, something jaded in her voice.

Lucas pressed a kiss to the crown of her head and she curled even further into the security his arms provided. "I'm still here, aren't I?"


	3. Two

**A/N: **_Thanks for reading, and for reviewing._ Just to clarify: the format I plan on using for this story is to alternate between present day and a flashback each chapter. Some of the flashbacks are just things that I found myself writing, for instance, one that occurs when Lucas and Peyton are ten years old. Those kinds of chapters are just meant to provide some background into the kind of relationship they've always shared. Other flashbacks, which will occur when they're eighteen, nineteen, and twenty, will have more relevance to the plot.

Oh, and for those of you who felt that Peyton and Lucas' random flirtation last chapter was odd considering their platonic friendship – remember, dynamics have changed.

**Two**: September 14th, 2011; St. Flora, North Carolina

Brooke tapped her foot impatiently on the tiled floor of the airport, her gaze never once leaving the doors through which those who'd just arrived were filtering through. In her peripheral vision, she could see an elderly man giving her a dirty look, and she sped up her foot-tapping out of spite. She was so not in the mood for grumpy old guys.

Lucas' plane was late, which she found a bit ironic, almost as though she should have expected. Lucas himself was much too late getting there; why should his plane be on time?

Finally, she caught a glimpse of his face in the sea of people, and focused her eyes on him until he noticed the pressure of her gaze. He walked over to her, wearing a small, somewhat ashamed smile. He stopped right in front of her, the strap of his messenger bag slung over his shoulder, and they just stared at each other for a moment.

"Lucas Scott," she said at last, her voice betraying the joy she felt at the sight of him.

"Brooke Davis," he replied evenly, his voice the same as it always was, and she couldn't resist hugging him after that.

His hand came up to cradle the back of her head, a typical Lucas Scott hug, and she all but melted. "I _missed_ you," she said fiercely. She hadn't put any effort into keeping in touch, but she had most definitely missed him.

"Could have fooled me," Lucas sighed as they released each other, calling her on this very fact. "But I missed you, too, Pretty Girl."

She shook her head in amazement. "You're just the same," she murmured. "C'mon, Broody. Let's go get your bags."

They stood side by side at baggage claim, their arms crossed over their chests and impatient looks on their faces. People gave them a wide berth; Brooke knew that they looked like cranky, intimidating businesspeople.

Lucas eyed her to see if there was any hostility in her posture. He found none. "So," he said, clearing his throat, "I told you I could take a taxi."

She gave him a look. "Don't be stupid, Lucas."

"So…are you going to tell me what's going on, or are we awkwardly going to avoid talking about her?"

Brooke cast him an irritated look. "Did you know that he died?"

"Derek?" Lucas asked, shifting his weight from foot to foot uncomfortably. "Yeah. I heard."

"Of course you did. He was a marine. It was on the news. You could've at least granted her a fucking phone call."

"Brooke…" he pleaded, "I didn't want to make it worse for her."

"Lucas, you are so –"

"I'm so _what_?" he asked defensively. "Can you honestly tell me that me, showing up again, wouldn't just put more stress on her? I didn't want to make things worse."

"You don't get it," Brooke sighed. "And honestly, I don't get it either; I don't think anyone does. Somehow you always manage to heal her and break her at the same time."

"I love her, Brooke," he said mutedly. "I never meant to hurt her, and I wish there was some way for her to believe that."

Her eyes traveled up and down his body as if searching for signs of a lie. "You _loved_ her…or you love her, still?"

"Loved," he replied quickly, avoiding her gaze.

"Hmph," she huffed. "You used present tense."

He lifted a single eyebrow. "Who's the writer here, Ms. Davis?"

She shook her head in annoyance. She loved Luke, but he drove her crazy. Then again, that was true about all of her friends…but Lucas in particular. "Look," she said, jutting her chin out slightly toward the moving belt, which now carried suitcases in varying sizes. "What's your stuff look like?"

"I've got a big, black bag."

"Big enough and dark enough for all your emotional baggage," she quipped cheerfully, her eyes scouring the bags that traveled by.

He grinned, that heart-stopping smile of his. "I always knew you could be like this. Businesslike and professional, witty and beautiful…but still the girl I've always known."

"Thank you, Luke," she whispered earnestly. "I really do wish I could say the same for you."

Lucas nodded once, realizing that he deserved her words, and spotted his bag. He grabbed it quickly and turned back to his old friend. "Let's go."

Brooke nodded, noticing that his confidence seemed to be wilting away as he got closer and closer to facing Peyton again. "Yeah. Let's do this."

* * *

"Peyton, really, it's not big deal! We'd love to have you crash in the guest room for a few days, or even weeks, and we can help you figure it out from there!" Haley was all but begging at this point.

"Hales…I appreciate it, but…"

"Just come back to Tree Hill. We miss you so much. I don't want you to be here, all by yourself."

"I'm capable of taking care of myself," Peyton said, her defenses going up.

"We know that," Nathan assured her the doorway he stood in. Peyton was on the edge emotionally, and he was as worried about her as his wife was. He didn't think he could live with himself if he had to leave her here on her own. "It's more about Haley than it is about you. She gets all teary sometimes 'cause she misses you so much," he said teasingly, hoping to win the blonde over.

Haley looked over at her imploringly. Peyton looked so very thin that it frightened her, and she'd spent the morning trying to get her friend to eat something more substantial than coffee and two bites of the pancakes she and Brooke had made that morning. As Haley saw it, Peyton was pretty much at code red, and there was no way in hell they were going to leave her alone.

It wasn't like they didn't have their own problems to deal with. They'd just found out recently that Jamie had a heart condition more serious than HMC, which frightened her terribly, and Dan was in the hospital, which was hard for Nathan, who didn't know what to make of his relationship with his father anymore. Haley felt like she'd spent far too much time in and out of doctors' offices lately. Brooke was busy, jetting around the country all the time dealing with her fashion line and trying to get Lucy into a stable, private school. None of them had things easy, they never seemed to, but at this moment they were all banding together again, in hopes of pulling Peyton out of the hole she was in. She'd dug herself into it, but she'd been pushed by a lot of things, and they just wanted to get her back. Peyton somehow always ended up with more tragedy in her life. It was just the way it was, though it wasn't fair to any of them.

"I'm fine here. My…life's here."

"Peyton," Nathan said, as gently as he could.

"You guys act like I don't have friends!"

"Honey, no. You do, we know that."

"We just don't think they're as good as we are," Nathan said playfully, desperate to get a smile out of her.

She rewarded him with a small one, but he could tell that she only did so because he wanted she could tell that was what he was going for.

"Are you happy…really?" Haley asked sadly, pleading for honesty. "Now that Derek's gone?"

Peyton blinked harshly. "I…"

"Peyton," she said softly, cutting off any excuses her friend could begin to make. "Please come home."

The blonde's eyes flooded. "That doesn't even feel like home any more."

Nathan moved from his spot in the doorway, where he'd been standing as he tried to give the women some space to have a heart-to-heart. He placed his hands lightly on Peyton's shoulders. "It is," he promised her, looking directly in her eyes. "We're there. And we want you to come home."

Peyton trembled under his touch, before she finally caved and folded into his arms, curling up against his chest.

"Okay?" Nathan asked, speaking into her hair.

"Okay," she whispered in agreement. Over her shoulder, he saw that Haley's eyes were watery, and Nathan had to admit that he felt like shedding tears of relief, too.

* * *

It was hard to breathe in Brooke's stylish, environmentally friendly car. She had the air conditioning on full blast, but the atmosphere was heavy, bearing down on him. The tension was painful to endure. "Listen, Brooke," he sighed. "About what happened…"

"I don't want to hear it," she said, keep her eyes fixed on the road as she passed a particularly slow car. "Whatever you have to say to me will only make me mad, and I don't want to go back to that place."

He nodded, tapping a rhythm out on his knee with his fingers. "Does she want me here?"

"I don't know, Luke. I don't know how she's going to react to seeing you again. But I do know that she needs you to…be whoever you are with her. She needs that guy who loves her – sorry, _loved_," she corrected herself sarcastically.

He frowned, turning to stare out the window, as one scary thought found its way into his mind and became a bit of a mental mantra.

"Lucas?" Brooke asked, turning to look over at him a couple of times. "Hey, you, tell me what's going on in that broody brain of yours."

He ran a hand across his eyes wearily and spoke the sentence aloud. "What if I'm not that guy anymore?"

Brooke grinned. Lucas, for such a literacy-inclined guy, could be such a huge idiot sometimes. "Oh, honey," she said gently. "You never had it in you not to be that guy."

* * *

"Peyton, you don't have to do that," Haley said for the infinite time as Peyton moved briskly around the house she'd shared with her brother, cleaning up after the previous night's wake.

"Yes, Haley, I do," she insisted wearily. "I just want to keep busy right now."

"Okay. I respect that."

Peyton sighed heavily and dropped the plastic cup in her hand, sinking down with her back against the in cupboards below the kitchen counter. The knob on one of them dug into her back when she finally hit the floor, but she ignored it.

Haley understood what she was supposed to do. She kicked off her heels and sat down next to Peyton, tucking her skirt around her legs and placing her hand lightly on Peyton's arm.

"You know something stupid?" Peyton asked quietly.

"I know lots of stupid things," Haley replied with a smile. "But probably not the one you're about to tell me."

"Derek and I used to pretend we were married. He wouldn't commit to a serious relationship, and I…didn't have anyone serious either, you know all that. No one would've ever guessed that we were brother and sister, so when we in public we used to be really obnoxious sometimes. Not in a physical way, of course; we'd call each other schnookums or something equally annoying and gush about our imaginary kids in this really irritating way…just stupid stuff."

Haley reached over to tuck a curl that had escaped Peyton's ponytail behind her ear. "That sounds cute," she said with a smile. She couldn't really imagine Derek doing something so silly, though she had complete faith in what a wonderful brother he had been to Peyton, in now much they had managed to open up to one another.

"It's not fair," she whispered. "I always told him to be careful, but I never really expected…"

"I know," Haley whispered back. "Oh, honey, I know."

"He was so good to me. I know that this isn't exactly anybody's dream life, and considering all the history, we were…we were really messed up. But we were happy."

"I know," she whispered yet again. "That's how you have to remember him. Happy. Okay?"

"Where do I go from here?" Peyton asked, her voice shaking.

Haley pulled her into a hug. "You come home with us. You build your life up again. You make it."

"I've lost everything I can build my life up _from_."

Haley gave her a serious look, the kind Peyton hated to receive from her best friends. "There are some things that you can take back," she said pointedly.

"Not now, Hales," Peyton groaned; she was always resistant to this particular conversation.

"Then when?" Haley asked, addressing something else all together. Peyton started to get up, and as much as she wanted to, Haley didn't move to stop her. Lucas would be arriving soon enough, and that was enough drama for the next six months, never mind the day. Haley watched her friend begin to rush around the kitchen busily again from her spot on the floor. "It's gonna be alright, Peyt."

Peyton offered up a small, but genuine smile. "Easy for you to say, Haley James Scott. The only way to go is up from where you're sitting," she added, extending both hands in order to help her friend up.

Haley allowed Peyton to pull her to her feet and glanced at the clock. "At least let me help you out with this mess. The kids won't be done their movie for a few more minutes."

"Okay. Thanks. It was smart of you to bring all those movies with you, I don't exactly have anything lying around to entertain them."

"Brooke didn't call me tutor girl for all those years for nothing," Haley shrugged.

"Speaking of Brooke…where'd she go?"

Haley hesitated. "She…she just had some things to do. She'll be back soon."

Peyton threw her a confused look before she shrugged it off, "Okay." She had enough on her plate at the moment without dealing with Brooke's mysterious trips to god-knows-where to do who-knows-what.

It was at that moment that the doorknob of the front door turned. Haley could see it from her spot in the kitchen, where she peered down the hallway toward it, and she could feel her entire body tense up with a sense of foreboding. This was the moment of truth.

Brooke walked in first, meeting Haley's anxious eyes with her own concerned gaze. "Hey, I'm back," she called softly into the house, slipping off her shoes and dropping her purse on the bench by the door.

"Oh, hey, B.," Peyton replied, coming into view of the door. "We were just talking about you. Where'd you go?"

"I…had to pick something up. I had to pick…someone up," Brooke said, gulping nervously as she stepped aside, relieving an equally nervous Lucas Scott.

Peyton could have sworn that her heart stopped beating for a moment. They were all looking at her – Haley, Brooke, Lucas. She stared back only at him, without a clue of what she was supposed to do.

As if on cue, the kids bounced in, breaking up the awkward air. "The movie's over," Jamie reported needlessly to his mother, proud to inform her of what he saw in his six-year-old mind as an important fact.

"Mommy!" Lucy cried, happy to see that Brooke was back.

Lucas froze at the single word that left the little girl's lips. She had blonde hair, green eyes, and the sweetest little smile. His eyes darted from the four-year-old, to his ex-girlfriend, and back again over and over and over. He wanted to speak up and ask questions, but his throat was dry, and his eyes wouldn't stop moving back and forth between the two of them; it was starting to make him dizzy. His heart was seized up, beating viciously and tightly.

"Hey, baby."

Lucas' eyes grew even wider; the little girl rushed not into Peyton's embrace, but into Brooke's, who had greeted her fondly before opening her arms.

"I missed you," Lucy said with all the innocence of a preschooler, and over her head Peyton watched her ex-boyfriend, her ex-everything, draw multiple conclusions.

"You have a _kid_?" he spluttered, staring at Brooke incredulously.

"Things changed," she shrugged casually.

"I can't believe you didn't _tell_ me. Who's her father? Are you with someone?"

"I am sadly lacking a man right now, and therefore also desperately craving some S-E-X," Brooke said with a smirk, "but you do _not_ get to ask me about her father, not right now, not after you've just come back."

"Okay," he said calmly as his heart settled back into its normal rhythm. "Fair enough."

"I'm Lucy," the little girl informed him, her emerald eyes shining up at him.

"Hey, kiddo," he replied gently. "I'm Lucas."

"Our names are kinda the same," she remarked, looking impressed.

"Yeah," he said with a nod, casting a curious look toward Brooke. "They are."

Brooke shrugged, and softly said, "Her name was her dad's idea."

Haley was tuned into the conversation Brooke and Lucas were having, and his interaction with her daughter, but she kept her eyes fixed on Peyton, who hadn't moved an inch since she'd set eyes on Lucas.

Lucas cleared her throat and straightened up, looking right at Peyton, bracing himself for her response to his presence there.

She couldn't believe he was _there_. Lucas had walked out of her life years ago, and she was pretty sure that Brooke, Nathan, and Haley would never let him within ten feet of her again. To see him walk through the door, right behind Brooke, and into her home…

She didn't want to need him, she really, really didn't. A big part of her actually wanted to march over and slap him. But he was standing there, looking exactly like he always did when she was so in love with him, and she did need him.

And he was _there_.

Everyone watched as she took seven steps forward and tucked her arms under his, curling up into his chest, her breath coming out in harsh gasps against the lapels of his coat.

Lucas closed his arms around her immediately, encircling her thin waist and pulling her trembling body closer. He buried his face in her hair, inhaling the sweet scent of the _mandarin magic_ shampoo she'd always used, the shampoo he used to tease her about until the day she told him that her mother used to use that same shampoo, that her hair used to smell the same way.

"It's okay," he breathed against her skin, ignoring the stares of his best friends and the little kids.

She made a strangled sound at the back of her throat. "You're _here_," she whispered, holding onto him like she would never let go again.

And he was more than okay with that.

**A/N:** Reviews make me just about as happy as watching the L/P promo for 6x07 does…


	4. Three

**A/N: **Your reviews rock, thank you so much. I'm glad you're enjoying this, and I hope I don't disappoint!

**Three**: July 9th, 2000; Tree Hill, North Carolina

"Nathan's a _jerk!_" Peyton fumed, slamming the door behind her.

Haley rolled her eyes. This wasn't an unfamiliar occurrence – Peyton made that declaration about once a week. Haley sat up from her position on Lucas' bed, stretching her arms over her head. "Y'know, there's a simple solution to all of this," she said patiently, albeit a little sarcastically.

Peyton flopped down between Haley and Lucas, causing the bed to bounce a little bit. "I _did_ break up with him."

"Permanently?" Haley laughed. "I really doubt _that_, honey."

Peyton pouted up at Lucas with wide green eyes. "Will _you_ take my side?"

Lucas shrugged. "Nobody's denying that he's a jerk. But I really think you two should end whatever the hell you have."

She frowned. "Thanks for your support."

"Luke's just jealous 'cause he wishes you were sleeping with him instead of Nate," Haley said casually, readjusting her position on the bed to better accommodate Peyton's lengthy legs.

Lucas turned bright red, gaping at Haley. Haley had realized that he had a crush on Peyton nearly a year ago, but when she'd confronted him about it she'd promised that she'd keep quiet. "Haley!" he cried, and then wanted to die as he realized that that only served to further incriminate him.

Peyton peered up at him, giggling, and gently placed her hand on his hot cheek. "You're blushing," she said quietly.

Lucas glared at Haley over her head, taking Peyton's hand in his own to move it from his cheek. "Thanks," he barked sarcastically at Haley.

She shrugged, propping his laptop on her knees and scrolling through his iTunes library. "I'm sorry, but I, for one, am sick and tired of ignoring the blatant sexual tension between you two. Besides Luke, everyone else – _including_ Peyton – can tell."

Peyton wiggled her eyebrows, smiling, but didn't comment on Lucas' infatuation. Instead, she said: "Or maybe _you_ just want me out of the way so you can have _Nathan_."

Haley laughed so hard that she snorted. "Good one," she gasped out.

While Haley continued to chortle to herself about the idea of any sort of relationship with Nathan, Peyton gazed up at Lucas, who met her eyes. She smiled. He did have a thing for her, and Haley was right, she did know that. There were days when she thought she should just dump Nathan – for good – and choose Lucas. He always took care of her, and he was always good to her…which was precisely the reason why she'd never do anything like that. She loved Luke, and she valued their friendship above most everything else. She'd rather let Nathan stomp all over her heart, as long as she had Lucas to help heal it.

Lucas saw several things run through Peyton's eyes, but then they calmed to a gentle, even green, and she just smiled at him. Whatever she'd been thinking, she'd put it to rest.

"So," he sighed. "What did he do this time?"

She sighed deeply, her chest rising and falling. "I don't want to talk about it. What have you to been listening to?"

"Haley's on a U2 kick," Lucas sighed.

"That's not a bad thing," Peyton protested, gently pulling her hand from his grasp to halfheartedly bat at his chest. "What're you into right now, _The Joshua Tree_?"

"Good guess," Haley replied happily, and right on cue, her CD popped out. "Sweet. I've got my soundtrack," she said, plucking the CD up and closing Lucas' laptop, "now I just have to go tackle my Trig homework."

"You are such a nerd," Peyton informed her affectionately.

Haley shrugged and smiled, leaning over to kiss both their cheeks. "I love you guys. Call me later okay, girlie? We'll talk about that jerk of a boyfriend you've got," she added, talking to Peyton. Then, with a wave, she slipped out Lucas' bedroom door.

Lucas, since Haley's sudden desire to blurt out his secret, was feeling particularly self-conscious, but that didn't stop him from gently pushing Peyton's bangs out of her eyes. "Are you okay, really?"

She nodded, smiling for a moment. "He just annoys me so much sometimes. I wish it could be different. Or that we could just…" She bit down on her lower lip, "When did things get so complicated, huh?"

He shrugged. He didn't know when things as a whole got so messy, but he knew when Peyton and Nathan had gotten together. One night at one party, when they'd proved all the bets wrong. Brooke had not, after all, been the first out of their small group to have sex; Nathan and Peyton, with one another, had claimed that prize.

Nathan had been pursuing her pretty much forever, and Peyton had always been resistant, gossiping about it with Brooke and Haley and discussing it with Lucas for a guys' perspective, and yet never actually doing anything about it. On the anniversary of her mother's death, Peyton drowned her sorrows in enough alcohol to finally let her guard down and disappear upstairs with Lucas' half brother.

He hadn't even been aware of what had happened until he caught sight of Peyton rushing through the crowds of the party, tugging on her sweater and tears on her cheeks. He'd spent most of the evening keeping an eye on a very drunken Brooke, who'd thrown herself at several guys; he hadn't had time to watch Peyton's legs as much as he would have liked. When she ran past him without looking up, he got an immediate sense of what had happened. He'd gotten Brooke under control, located Haley, and driven the girls over to her house, where they found the blonde curled up on her bed, clutching a pillow and looking absolutely miserable.

He'd hovered in the doorway worriedly while Brooke and Haley climbed onto the bed and sat protectively on either side of her, detangling her messy hair and fetching her a glass of water and asking all the right questions, like whether they'd been safe or if he'd hurt her and why she was so upset. Peyton had murmured something mostly unintelligible about missing her mom, and Haley and Brooke had huddled around her as she cried.

Nathan showed up an hour later, his buzz having worn up and the reality of the significance of the date having worn in. The girls shot him glares as they slipped out of the room, leaving him with Peyton and dragging Lucas along with them.

Lucas didn't know what had transpired between Nathan and Peyton in the room at Tim's house, whatever it was that had caused her to tear up and run away. Nor did he know what Nathan had said or done in Peyton's room later that evening, while their other friends waited downstairs, but he did know that he'd won her over. When enough time had passed and Lucas ventured upstairs to check on them, praying not to find any nudity, he discovered them both fully clothed and passed out on her bed, Peyton tucked closely into Nathan's side. It was at that moment that Lucas realized that he'd lost a part of her he'd never had to begin with.

Looking at Peyton now made him wish that she would just break things off already. It was selfish in some ways, because Lucas did want to prove to her that he was the guy for her, but he also wanted things to end with Nathan for her own wellbeing. Nathan was his friend and his brother, but he could be a real ass.

Lucas could tell that Peyton was still waiting for an answer to the question she'd asked, but the words that slipped out of his mouth were much more random: "I love you," he said.

Her eyes filled with an emotion he didn't recognize. "I know you do," she said.

He didn't know if she understood what he truly meant by those three words, but it didn't really matter as she leaned in close to him, their noses brushing, and then placed a kiss against the corner of his mouth. "I love you, too," she told him before she pushed herself up and off his bed, making her way to the door.

She disappeared quickly and silently, like a ghost, like a whisper on a strong breeze. That was the way it always had been with them, and maybe the way it always would be. She was probably on her way to Brooke's right now, and in the morning she'd be making out with Nathan in the backseat of her car.

With each other, they took what they could get.


	5. Four

**A/N: **As always, thanks for reading and reviewing. You guys are seriously amazing.

**Four**: September 14th, 2011; St. Flora, North Carolina

Peyton stared out into the street, just as she had the night before. She felt safe there, smack in the middle of suburbia, armed with the knowledge that her friends were all inside the house, ready to rescue her should she need saving.

She was sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with Lucas. Despite the fact that there was a cushioned swing five feet away, when she'd lead the way out of the door, she'd chosen to sit on the steps. She knew she was afraid to get to comfortable with him again.

Lucas' hands were everywhere; he was worried and he couldn't help but touch her in a hundred different places to assure himself that she was okay, at least in the physical sense. He'd expected her to pull away from him, so when she didn't, he felt a sense of free reign. "How're you holding up?" he asked quietly, his fingers tracing up the length of her spine until they reached the nape of her neck and tangled in her hair.

Peyton couldn't think when his hands were all over her. Every time his hands hit her thigh, cheep, forehead, upper arm, collarbone…she lost some of her ability to properly process her thoughts. "Pretty crappy," she admitted as his fingers gently kneaded the skin of her shoulder.

"You look pretty tormented," he agreed. "But then again…that's just how Peyton Sawyer rolls, isn't it?" he asked, hoping for a smile, even a small one.

Instead, her eyes flooded, and she stilled his hands, clutching them in between her own like she was afraid to let go. "I've missed you."

His gaze was soft. "I kind of got the impression that you never wanted to see me again."

Peyton looked straight at him. She was too tired to do anything but be truthful. "I don't even feel whole without you."

He stared back sadly. Peyton had long ago let down her walls with him, and he'd discovered after she did so that she was capable of making him aware of her emotions simply and bluntly. "Peyt…" he said mournfully.

The sound of his voice, digging deep into her soul, was enough to frighten her, and she released his hand, wiping at the tears that hadn't quite escaped her eyes. "How's Lindsey?" she asked him point-blank.

Lucas was disappointed at the lack of contact, and by her sudden question. "She's…around."

She frowned, wishing that he'd give her more information than that. "Are you happy, Luke?" she whispered.

"Peyton," he breathed, and his hands were on her again, tracing the contours of her face. "How can I be, when you're not?"

She shrugged, leaning in to the warm skin of his calloused palms. "You didn't even _call_," she said, her voice breaking on the final word.

"I know," he soothed apologetically. "But I should have, because sometimes I don't feel whole without you."

* * *

"You are _such_ a creep."

Nathan jumped nearly a foot, losing his hold on the curtain. He exhaled as it fell back into place. "_Jeez_, Brooke; give me a heart attack, why don't you?"

She ignored his comment, demanding, "So, whatcha doing?"

"Nothing," he replied, too quickly.

"Secretive spying, huh?" she asked, quirking her eyebrows. "That's hot." The smirk slipped from her lips as she tilted her head toward the window. "So how's it going with those two?"

"I don't know," he sighed, frustrated. "I wish I could read lips. They look like…well, like Lucas and Peyton."

Brooke leaned past him, sweeping the curtain away from the window again. Lucas was standing in front of Peyton, both hands outstretched. Peyton placed her hands into his hesitantly and let him pull her up.

"Does it ever get weird for you?" she asked Nathan absently as she watched the star-crossed lovers walk away. At Nathan's inquisitive look, she elaborated, "Seeing them together. You were with Peyton for a long time."

He smiled lazily. "I could ask you the same thing. You were with Lucas for a long time."

She chuckled. "Touché. I guess I know the answer then."

"Weird, but not wrong?"

"Exactly."

"So…" he walked over the couch and sat down. "What's going on in your life?"

"With relationships?" she asked, arching an eyebrow as she walked over and joined him.

"Or otherwise."

Brooke flew out a breath. "I hate that it takes a tragedy to bring us together for long enough to have this conversation."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm not blaming you. None of us are faultless."

Nathan's eyebrows rose and fell. "You can say that again." He turned a little on the couch, angling his body towards hers. "So, _is_ there a man in Brooke Davis' life?"

She sighed sadly. She'd wanted to lie to Lucas out of spite, but she'd been telling him the truth. Lucy's father was long gone from her world, and she didn't have anybody new. "No, there's not. It's hard. Most guys pursue me just because I'm Brooke Davis; it's hard to find something authentic. And I'm busy, you know? With work and with Luce."

"Does that ever get hard? Raising her on your own? Jamie's a handful, and I've got Haley."

She looked him straight in the eye and spoke without hesitation: "Yeah, sure. But I wouldn't give her up for anything."

Nathan nodded. He hadn't ever really expected her to say anything else. He knew how much Brooke loved that little girl. "So basically…" he began slowly, "you're horny as hell?"

Brooke grinned mischievously. "Basically…yes. Why, you want to do something about it?"

"You better say no, mister," Haley interjected as she walked into the room, joining them on the couch. She rested her head on Brooke's shoulder. "What're you two up to, besides propositioning one another?"

"Oh, you know," Brooke said casually, "your husband was just being a voyeur."

Haley giggled reluctantly. "Are they still out there?"

"No," Nathan replied. "They went for a walk, I guess. I'm pretty sure they both knew that we'd be spying on them."

Haley lifted her head up, her brow creasing in concern. "Was it really the best idea, calling him?"

"I was scared," Brooke sighed. "I was running out of options."

"But you know how it is with them. Lucas shows up and saves her and they reach this point where everything seems like it has a solution and then _bam_ out of nowhere something happens and it all goes to hell and he disappears and she's left with her heart smashed into a million pieces and it's a pattern that they just can't break and we've all witnessed countless times so don't you dare tell me this time will be different." She said it all in one breath without pausing at all, like reciting a poem without rhythm, just determined to get the words out there before she could forget. She needed Nathan and Brooke to understand her worry.

"I know," Brooke replied, her voice calm and steady. "I just really want to believe that it'll be different this time."

Nathan sighed. "When're you headed back to New York, Brooke?"

She gave him a pointed look. "When're you going back to Tree Hill?"

Haley nodded, more to herself than to the others. "I guess we're all in it for the long haul, then."

Brooke nodded, too, grabbing both of their hands. "Maybe that's a good thing."

* * *

"How are your mom and Lily?" Peyton asked, breaking the barely comfortable silence that had settled between the two of them as they meandered down the virtually silent street.

Lucas smiled automatically at the thought of his family. "They're good. Lily's getting so big and beautiful and smart. I can't keep up with her half the time."

Peyton couldn't help but smile, too. "She must totally adore you."

He shrugged bashfully. "I don't know. I'm pretty sure hanging out with your big brother isn't the coolest activity around. I think I adore her a little more than she adores me."

Her smile faded and she directed her gaze ahead of her again. "That's the way it always is, right?" she shrugged. "There's no such thing as equal love. Somebody's always more invested."

Lucas eyed her worriedly in his peripheral vision. He wasn't sure what to say to that, or if he even was supposed to say anything to that. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "So…how crazy is it that Brooke has a kid?"

Peyton took a deep breath. "Pretty crazy," she admitted.

"She's beautiful," Lucas said earnestly. "Brooke must be spoiling her rotten, huh?"

She grinned, unable to help it. "Of course she is. What else would you expect for Brooke Davis' daughter?"

He grinned back, thankful for the momentary peace between them. "I wonder if she'll be the same as Brooke was, you know?"

"I think about that, too. She's quieter, though, a little more introspective."

"Broody?" he asked laughingly. "I bet Brooke just _loves_ that." He paused for a moment. "Is that what her dad was like? Lucy's, I mean."

Peyton shrugged, refusing to commit to anything. She didn't really feel that she owed Lucas information of any kind.

"What was he like? What happened there? Why'd I never hear about this?"

She shrugged again. "It's not my story to tell, Luke. Or Hales', or Nathan's. You have to understand that."

"Yeah. That's fair."

"If…_when_ Brooke wants you to know…she'll tell you."

Lucas nodded. "So…Jamie's getting big, huh?"

"Yeah," she said, opening up a bit more. "He has. He's missed you. I'm sorry about that."

He glanced over at her, surprised, wishing that a curtain of her wasn't hiding her face from his eyes. "It's not your fault."

She brushed her hair back and smiled her thanks at him. "So, um…I can't…I can't just be wondering about this, it'll drive me crazy…"

"You can ask me anything," he told her evenly.

She nodded, biting down on her lower lip. "How…how long are you going to be staying?"

Lucas stayed quiet for a moment, contemplating the question. "I don't really know. How long do you need me?"

Peyton stopped walking abruptly and stared at him, unable to believe those words had just come out of his mouth. He could be such a complete _moron_ sometimes. Her eyes flashed bright green with anger. "I don't need your pity," she bit out.

"I wasn't trying to –"

"Yes, you were, don't lie. I don't want you here because you think you have some sort of _obligation_ to me, or because Brooke threatened you within an inch of your life."

Lucas squared his shoulders toward her. She _always_ did stuff like this. "Then why _do_ you want me here?"

She clamped her lips together as her mind screamed,_Because you want to be here! Because you heard about Derek and you thought: I need to be there for Peyton, I won't be able to sleep until I know that she's okay, until she knows that I love her and I want to be there for her right now_.

"Well?" Lucas asked, his demeanor softening at bit as he searched her eyes.

"I _don't_ want you here," she finally said. "And I _definitely_ don't _need_ you here." She whirled around, fully intending to walk back home and erase him from her life again, even though her feet seemed to be sticking to the ground, begging her not to go.

"What do you want from me?" Lucas cried from behind her, and she turned again to see him standing there, hands spread out to the sides and palms facing her, his eyes begging for an answer.

"Nothing!" she shouted back fiercely, unable and unwilling to put it more eloquently or in more comprehensible terms. She shook her head, backing away from him and pulling her light black sweater tighter to her body, "You just don't get it. That's the point."

**A/N: **Reviews are love!


	6. Five

**A/N: **This is filler, I admit it, but I just want to provide a lot of background in their relationship...and this was really fun to write. The next chapter is one that I'm excited about; I just finished it and a couple things will be revealed to you. You'll get to read that soon...even sooner if you review:

Just one thing about that last episode before I quit rambling: L/P are cute. So cute. For some reason, I always swoon when they call one another _babe _or _baby_. Aw. Anyway...read away. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint, but I'm pretty sure you'll aappreciate the next one more. :)

Oh! And to those of you who have PMed me wondering about the next update of **Crescendo**...I'm relaly warming up to this story, but that's my baby. I will update soon, I just have a couple university applications and essays that I want to write before I get back to it, because once I start writing, I can't stop. Thank you for your interest though, I love you for it.

**Five: **April 23rd, 1996; Tree Hill, North Carolina

Lucas checked his watch for what must have been the thirtieth time. Haley was sitting next to him on the bench, kicking her legs out in front of her; her feet still didn't touch the floor. Every time her legs went out her pant legs slid up a bit, and Lucas could see that she was wearing two completely different socks. Care Bears on one foot, blue-and-green stripes on the other. Brooke was perched on the end of the bench, on the other side of Haley, clad in a short dress and texting at the speed of light. He didn't know who she could possibly be talking to; she was the only ten-year-old Lucas knew who had a cell phone, and that included Nathan, who was spoiled rotten.

"_Why_ did we have to come to the mall?" he asked yet again. He hadn't bought a single thing, not even the CD Peyton had pleaded for him to purchase so she could steal it later, and he was bored out of his mind.

Haley shrugged. She was just about as bored as he was at this point.

"The mall," Brooke told them sternly, "is _awesome_."

"One hour at the mall is awesome," Haley agreed. "Maybe even two or three. But not _five_. I'm tired, and I'm hungry, and I hate that there aren't any windows."

"We could go to the food court," Brooke suggested, solving only one of Haley's problems.

Haley held up her bag. "I don't have any money left, because you made me buy this _stupid shirt_."

"Haley," Brooke sighed. "That shirt is pretty, and it makes you look fabulous. I wish you would let me do something with your hair…" she added, fingering the brown strands thoughtfully.

Her friend pulled her hair away. "Nope."

"I really want to leave," Lucas insisted, pulling them back to the topic at hand.

"_Fine_," Brooke conceded. "When Nathan and Peyton get back, we'll go."

"They went to buy those stupid pretzels that they can't live without," Haley said, rolling her eyes. "But it shouldn't be taking so long."

Brooke wiggled her eyebrows. "Maybe they're making out."

Lucas rolled his eyes, too. "Gross," he commented.

"You're such a boy," Brooke sighed. While she was busy gushing over guys, Lucas was still keeping a safe, cooties-free distance between himself and girls.

"I don't get how that's an insult. I _am_ a boy."

"Boy's don't mature as fast as girls. It means you're immature," Brooke told him, lifting her chin proudly.

"I told you that," Haley pointed out, calling Brooke on the fact that her impressive piece of knowledge was not actually her own.

"So _what_? It's still true. You and me are much more mature than Luke."

"You and _I,_" Haley corrected her.

Lucas' lifted a surprised eyebrow, but didn't comment. His mother called Haley _precocious_, a word he'd had to scan the dictionary for. His Oxford Children's School Dictionary had informed him that it was a word normally used to describe a child, and that it meant _unusually advanced in development_. He figured it could be applied to both the girls he sat with now, albeit in different ways.

"Whatever," was Brooke's reply to Haley's correction of her sentence.

Haley watched her friend subtly, out of the corner of her eye. Brooke was wearing pale purple eyeshadow that matched her purple-and-black dress. Sometimes she felt like they were in a race, and she was losing. Haley was school-smart; she was the one who brought home report cards that sang her praises and were full of A pluses and 100s. But Brooke just seemed…older than she did, even if she still couldn't get the grammar right in some of her sentences. "Hey, Luke?" she asked on a whim, driven to do so by boredom and spur-of-the-moment confidence, her new pretty shirt in the bag she held.

"Yeah?" he asked tiredly.

"Can I kiss you?"

He sat upright and his eyes widened considerably. "_What_?"

"Come on," she pleaded, sticking out her lower lip. Lucas was a sucker when it came to her pout.

"Haley, _no_! I am not going to kiss you."

"But _Lucas_, Brooke's kissed boys."

"Because _she_ wanted to, not because _they_ wanted to. It's not my fault that she always says we have to play spin the bottle at everybody's birthday parties."

"But…" Haley began, her insecurities taking over again, "what if I'm like fifty one day and I still haven't been kissed?" She knew that, logically, and probably even statistically that was pretty much an impossibility, but it still scared her. "Please, Lucas? One kiss, just for like…" she glanced at Brooke for a figure.

The brunette shrugged gamely, still halfway absorbed by her text conversation. "Ten seconds?"

"Yeah," Haley agreed, "ten seconds."

"No _way_." Lucas loved his friend, he really did, but out of the three girls he spent the majority of his time with, Haley was the one he considered to be like a sister, so kissing her seemed like a fairly gross prospect. She was pretty and everything, but she was still like a part of his family, and that was just wrong.

"I'd do it for you," Haley said, making her eyes as big as she could.

"Yeah, I know you would, 'cause it's your idea!"

"Okay," Haley reasoned. Bargaining was the only option she had left, besides tears, and she couldn't fake-cry as well as Brooke could. "If you do this, then I'll do something for you, something I don't want to do."

"I'd never make you do that," Lucas said evenly.

"_Lu-uke!"_ she whined indignantly.

"You're like my sister!" he cried.

Haley sat back, sulking. That was logic she couldn't really argue against. "_Fine_."

"Don't worry, Haley," Brooke told her soothingly, snapping her phone closed and tucking it into her purse. "We'll find someone to kiss you, okay? Once you put on that shirt they won't be able to keep away."

"Thank you," Haley sighed.

"Yeah," Lucas agreed under his breath, relieved that she was going to let it go.

"But Luke…" Brooke said in her most mischievous voice, "you've gotta kiss _somebody_."

"Oh, no…" he groaned. "Not you, too."

"Please, Lucas Scott, I can do better than you," Brooke declared, though she had to admit to herself that he was probably one of the best boys in town. "Hales…are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Lucas regarded them nervously as they stared at one another, and then Haley's eyes lit up, and her entire demeanor changed. "Ooh!" she cried excitedly. "Yes! Yes, yes, yes." She burst out in laughter that was more akin to evil cackling.

"What?" Lucas demanded warily, though he tried to sound confident.

Brooke met his eyes, held his gaze, and then slowly looked to the right. He followed the path of her brown orbs until they fell upon Nathan and Peyton, who were walking back toward them. Nathan was carrying Peyton's bags for her, and she was laughing at something he'd said, a hand clapped over her mouth.

"Oh, _no_," Lucas said firmly.

"Oh, _yes_!" Haley and Brooke cried in unison.

"You guys! No!"

Brooke crossed her arms and quirked her eyebrows, a sure sign that Lucas wasn't going to be able to win this one. "Lucas Eugene Scott –"

"Brooke," he groaned.

"Either you go over there and kiss her…or you pucker up for me."

"Nathan'll hate me," Lucas tried. "You _know _he likes Peyton."

Brooke scoffed, throwing him a look that told him _exactly_ what she thought of that excuse. "One kiss, Luke. Ten seconds. Her or me…or Haley. Just do it."

Kissing Peyton was something he really didn't want to do for completely different reasons. He had a crush on Peyton, though he'd never made it known the way Nathan did. What if he kissed her wrong? Was that even possible? What if she punched him? What if she never spoke to him again? What if…

"Now or never," Brooke said simply, giving him his final warning.

She was giving him a self-assured look, an _I win_ sort of look, and that was what finally propelled him to do it…that and the fact that deep down, he wanted to. "Okay," he said, and then one more time as he got on his feet, "Okay."

Haley's jaw dropped, but Brooke stayed cool. "Let's see it," she instructed him, sitting back and crossing her legs.

Determined not to give himself time to think and chicken out, he strode through the mall purposefully, dodging people with the expertise of a kid who spent a lot of his time on the basketball court, until he finally ended up right in front of Nathan and Peyton.

Peyton shot him a bright smile as Nathan began, "Hey, Luke, sorry we took so lo –"

And then he did it, because if he waited a single second longer all his courage would have vanished. It seemed fairly simple once he was actually standing there, so he just did it. He leaned in, and he kissed her.

His eyes closed, but not before he caught sight of the shock that was more than apparent in her emerald orbs. She was so surprised, in fact, that she stumbled backward…toppling right into the fountain that stood behind her.

They fell in together in a heap that was all lanky arms and legs, their limbs tangling with each other's as they hit the bottom, which was littered with pennies, tangible symbols for countless wishes that may or may not have come true.

Lucas was beyond embarrassed. He could feel his cheeks flaming as he spit out the water that had gotten in his mouth and sat up, shaking his hair dry. Peyton, sitting next to him, spit out her own mouthful of water before staring right at him, arching a single eyebrow.

He had no idea what to say, so his heart almost burst with relief as she began to laugh. Her giggling was contagious, and he joined her as he shook the water from his arms and she tried to wring it out of her hair. Nathan stared at them like they'd both lost their minds, and twenty feet away on the bench, Haley was in hysterics while Brooke held up her phone, trying to snap a picture. Two minutes later security guards were by the fountain, extending hands to help the blushing ten-year-olds out of the water and asking who they should call to pick the drenched kids up.

Lucas looked over at Peyton, at her sweet smile and the colour in her cheeks, the moisture glistening on her collarbone and the droplets clinging to her eyelashes, the water causing her hair to curl up in heavy ringlets. She caught him staring, and impulsively, leaned over and seared her lips to his for all of five seconds. She pulled back and shrugged at his amazed gaze. "That was what you wanted, right?" she asked cheekily, before allowing one of the security guards to help her stumble out of the knee-deep water.

Before Lucas accepted the hands held out to him, he touched his fingertips to the pennies beneath him, feeling guilty for this moment, which he was sure he had stolen from someone else. _Thank you_, he said internally to whomever it was who had paid for this wish come true. Feeling that that wasn't quite enough, he added, _I owe you_.


	7. Six

**A/N:** Thanks for reading and reviewing. It means a lot.

**Nine:** September 14th, 2011; St. Flora, North Carolina

"Peyton…" Brooke said uncertainly as her friend walked back into the house, slamming the door behind her and stalking through the hallway, a flurry of curls and anger. Brooke walked into the kitchen, approaching her cautiously. Peyton was standing in front of the sink, clutching at the counter with both hands. Brooke gently rested her hand on her friend's back.

"Why did you call him?" Peyton asked through shallow breaths. She needed to know, couldn't help but wonder, how much he'd actually wanted to rush to save her and how much Brooke had coerced him into it.

"I…I don't know. I was worried about you. If it was a mistake, P., then I'm sorry."

Peyton released her grip on the counter and placed a hand on Brooke's arm instead. "It wasn't." She really wanted it to have been a mistake…but it wasn't.

"That's good?" Brooke meant it as a statement, but it came out much more hesitantly.

Peyton smiled sadly, almost shyly. "Is it wrong?"

"What?" Brooke whispered back.

"That after all these years and all that's happened, all the drama that's gone down between us…I still want him here."

Brooke smiled. This time she could be much more certain. "It's not wrong, honey. It's good."

Lucas walked through the front door at that moment and both women turned toward him. "All my stuff is here," he said, explaining his presence. "I'll just get it and go." He'd known that he would mess things up, but he hadn't thought that it would be quite this soon.

"No," Peyton protested, surprising Lucas and Brooke too, by the looks of her highly arched eyebrow. "You can stay here. You…can fight Brooke for the couch."

Lucas grinned at her, immensely relieved though he was still a little annoyed with his ex-girlfriend, and with himself. "That sounds…great." He paused. "Thanks, Peyton."

When she looked into his eyes, she saw everything she was feeling staring back at her. "You're welcome," she said.

* * *

Lucas was sitting on the couch, lost in a book, when he felt Haley's hands land lightly on his shoulders. Her arms came down to rest across his chest as she perched her chin on his shoulder. "Let's take a walk, buddy," she suggested softly.

Lucas had never been so relieved to escape a house before. Every room was still heavy with loss, as if the house, too, was reeling from Derek's sudden death. Peyton had been hiding in her brother's room for most of the day. The only time she'd emerged was for supper, and that had been awkward at best. Lucas needed some space and some air. Both Brooke and Nathan radiated protective vibes when he was close to them. Haley, at least, was trying to remain neutral, but even Jamie and Lucy, with their sweet childish laughter, couldn't break up the tension in the house.

"So how're you doing?" Haley asked. They'd all been so preoccupied with protecting Peyton that she'd forgotten that Lucas didn't exactly have things easy, either.

He shrugged. "I used to be able to read Peyton so easily. Now she's so closed off to me that I don't have a clue what she'd thinking or feeling."

Haley understood, but she had other things on her mind. "Can I ask you something?" She didn't wait for a reply. "Why did you come?"

"Because Brooke said she needed me."

"Oh, right. I forgot about your hero complex," Haley said, rolling her eyes.

He chuckled, but said no more.

"Are you still with Lindsey?" she inquired.

Lucas shrugged. "Yeah…but it's really casual. She read my book, Hales. That's always going to be between us."

"Luke…what do you want to happen? With you and Peyton."

He shook his head. "I want things back the way they were, when we were so untouchably in love and we had our happily ever after right in front of us."

Haley made a sympathetic face. "I know that you've been hurt, too. I'm sorry for that."

"Thanks, Hales. But I'm being stupid, right? We can't go back to the way we were."

"Lucas…" Haley stopped walking and turned to face him squarely. "Listen to me. You know how Brooke is always saying that Nathan and I give her hope, faith in true love? Well, you and Peyton do the same for me."

He actually laughed, unable to believe her. "I really don't think we're the world's best example. We're pretty much the epitome of disaster."

"But that's just it," Haley insisted. "Through all of it, I have never once seen proof that it's truly over between you two, no matter how many times you break each other's hearts. Luke, you've adored her since we were kids, and I can see from the way you look at her that you still do." She smiled at him fondly, but her eyes stayed serious. "Yeah, Peyton's vulnerable right now; her brother just died and she feels lost and alone. But there was never a day that she _didn't_ need you. She still loves you, Lucas. You have to know that."

* * *

Lucas was reading in the living room again that evening, lost in the copy of _The Secret Life of Bees_ he'd found on the bookshelf. There were two copies, which didn't surprise him; he knew that it was Peyton's favourite. What did alarm him was that they sat on the shelf next to seven different copies of _his_ novel. He didn't allow himself to think too much about what those meant, instead her grabbed the older copy of the book he was currently engrossed in, comforted by the fact that Peyton had touched those same pages many times.

He remembered this book in her hands. Friday evenings as the day faded away, stretched out across his bed at fourteen years old, her shirt riding up to expose the skin of her stomach, completely oblivious – or perhaps choosing to ignore – the fact that the boy throwing a basketball again the wall in a steady rhythm on her left was hopefully in love with her. Monday mornings curled up in his bed at eighteen, setting the book down as Lucas opened her eyes, snuggling back down into the blankets to kiss him. Saturday afternoons in her own kitchen, reading at the table while Lucas made nachos and Haley patiently explained the concept of the binomial theorem to Nathan yet again, making faces at the smell of Brooke's nail polish. Days when loving her felt like the way it was supposed to be.

Brooke was currently in the kitchen, cleaning up after she'd caused Peyton's blender to explode in an attempt to make a strawberry smoothie for her depressed friend. Peyton was moping upstairs again. Nathan and Haley were sitting on the floor with Jamie, happily talking over his ehad as they helped their son with a puzzle.

Lucas felt the pressure of someone's gaze on him, and turned to see that Lucy was curled up on the opposite end of the couch, pensively studying him.

"Hey," he said quietly.

She smiled at him, though she appeared a bit guarded. "Hi. You read a lot."

He grinned. "Yeah, I guess I do. Do you like to read?"

"Yeah," she whispered, as though it were a secret. "But I like it better when somebody reads to me." She bent her head, letting her hair hide her eyes. "Will you?"

Lucas blinked, surprised, but quickly said, "Sure, of course. What would you like me to read to you?"

Brooke walked into the room before Lucy could answer him. "Okay, people, the kitchen's spotless. You're welcome," she added pointedly when they failed to acknowledge her.

Nathan grinned up at her from his spot on the floor. "Thanks, Brooke," he sighed.

Jamie looked up at her, too. "But _you_ made the mess, Aunt Brooke."

Brooke stuck out her tongue at him, launching him into laughter. She turned and smiled at her daughter, "Time for bed, honey bug."

Lucy stuck out her lower lip. "Lucas was going to read to me."

"_Was_ he?" Brooke asked, arching an eyebrow in Lucas' direction. "Tomorrow night, okay? It's time for you to go to sleep."

Lucy continued to pout, and something about the set of her chin alarmed Lucas – it reminded him distinctly of himself.

"Don't give me that," Brooke scolded lightly. "You know I can't resist those eyes. C'mon, honey bug, move it up those stairs."

Lucy sighed dramatically, and for the first time Lucas saw Brooke Davis in her sweet little face. "G'night, Aunt Haley, Uncle Nathan, and Jamie. Goodnight, Lucas."

"Goodnight, kiddo," he replied faintly.

Brooke caught Lucas staring after her daughter and frowned, glancing at Haley to see if she'd noticed as well. She had. "Hey, bud," she said, whacking Lucas' arm. "I would love to battle you for this couch and everything –"

He smiled and cut her off. "It's okay, Brooke. I can crash on the floor."

"How noble of you," she said dryly, "but the couch is yours. I'll sleep with Peyt."

"_Will_ you?" Nathan asked, sitting up and lifting his eyebrows playfully.

Brooke rolled her eyes and chucked a throw pillow at him. "You're still holding on to that fantasy, huh, Nate?"

"You know it, B. Davis."

"Okay, ha ha," sighed Haley as she stood up, holding her arms out to her son. "I cannot believe that you still find that funny. Come on, Jimmy Jam," she added to Jamie. "It's bedtime for you, too."

Each of the women took one of Jamie's hands, lifting him up and swinging him forward. They giggled with him, their laughter fading away as they headed up the stairs.

Nathan got up from the floor, stretched, and sat down on the couch next to Lucas. Both men sighed at the same time.

"So," Nathan said.

Lucas closed his book. "Yeah."

"This sucks for you."

"Yeah."

"_Really_ sucks for you."

"Yeah."

Nathan couldn't help it. He started to chuckle. He tried to stifle his amusement, but he just couldn't.

Lucas shot him an irritated look. "It's so nice that you can laugh at my pain," he said dryly.

"I'm sorry, man," he said through bursts of laughter. "It's bad, I know it is, it's just…you've seen both of your ex-girlfriends for the first time in years…and _they_ are sharing a bed while _you_ are stuck on this old, uncomfortable couch."

Lucas shook his head, sarcastically commenting, "You're _such_ a good brother."

Nathan shot him an untroubled smile. "It's going to be okay."

"Maybe from where you're standing."

The darker Scott studied his brother out of the corner of his eyes. "Haley told me you're still seeing Lindsey…?"

He shrugged. "On again, off again."

"Friends with benefits?"

"No. Linds isn't that girl."

"But you can't be the guy she needs you to be." It was an open-ended observation.

"Yes, Nathan, you know that. And you know why."

"Lucas, can I ask you something?"

"If I say no, will you shut up?"

Nathan grinned. He'd missed this brotherly banter. "Not a chance."

"Then go ahead."

"I know you and Peyton have been through a lot. I know. And I know that you've both made some pretty big mistakes. But did you honestly believe that you could ever be happy with anyone else?"

Lucas groaned. He had asked him that very question many times. "It's not about finding happiness with someone else. It was just that we couldn't take being unhappy with one another anymore."

"That's stupid," Nathan said bluntly, but he regretted his words when Lucas turned to look at him with honest devastation in his eyes.

"We had to let go of one another before there wasn't anything left."

"Luke," Nathan tried again, softening his tone considerably. "There's a hell of a lot left. Peyton hadn't had any semblance of a serious relationship since you two broke up."

Lucas squinted at him disbelievingly. "Are you telling me that we should…"

Nathan shrugged, refusing to commit to any advice. "If you break her heart again she won't be able to take it, and I don't know if I can forgive you for that." At Lucas' nod, he continued, "Follow your heart, man. But make sure to _think_ it _through_."

Lucas gave him a half smile. "Thanks, little brother."

* * *

"Haley, stop," Lucas scolded her as she began to make him a bed on the couch. "I'm not Jamie's age. I love you for caring, Hales, but I can make my own bed."

She blushed, smiling. "Okay. Sorry. So, the kids are asleep in Peyton's room, Nathan and I are in the guest room, and Brooke is with Peyt in Derek's room. If you need anything, you know where to find us."

He grinned. "Thank you, Haley. I'll be fine."

"I know. Okay." She threw her arms around his neck in a warm hug. "I'm glad you're here, Luke. I'll see you in the morning."

"Night," he said fondly as she slipped out of his embrace and made her way up the stairs.

Lucas grabbed his toothbrush out of his bag and headed upstairs to the bathroom. Just before he reached the door, Brooke, dressed in a short black nightgown, bounced in ahead of him, calling, "You snooze, you lose!" over her shoulder.

He just shook his head. For all the ways that Brookes had changed, there were just as amny in which she had not.

He wandered to the other side of the hallway, leaning against the doorframe of one of the rooms. It had been Derek's room, that was clear from the neatness and the limited decoration. Peyton was curled up on her side in bed, gazing sadly at a photo she'd taken with her brother. He was away so often that she knew it would take a bit more time for it to sink in that he was truly gone forever.

Lucas stayed quiet, but his presence must have startled her, because she sat up and looked at him with wide eyes. "Sorry," he muttered. "I was just waiting for the bathroom. I'll go."

"Lucas, wait…" Her instincts were screaming at her not to let him leave her now, not to let him leave her ever again. He turned back around and she said, "I…I'm sorry."

He frowned, quietly asking, "For what?" There were probably about six hundred answers to that question, and he was curious as to what hers would be."

Peyton was going to apologize for hiding away and avoiding him all evening, but in the end truth won out. It had always been difficult for her to lie to him. She shrugged, trying to keep her shoulders from trembling, and looked him directly in the eye. "All sorts of things," she whispered.

He nodded, his heart racing. "Me too."

"It was just…"

Lucas took a couple steps into the room, waiting for her to continue.

"It was just that…we were so young, and I was so scared. You always made me feel so safe, and for a while it seemed like we…like we had it all. When things started to fall apart, I was scared because I didn't know what to do and you couldn't save me anymore…sometimes it felt like you were what I needed saving from. I know that I wasn't…always a good person, and I know that I didn't try as hard as I could have, and I know that I got really angry with you…" She sucked in some air. "I'm not proud of how I acted. But I loved you, Luke, and it just hurt so _bad_. It was…it was just that _everything_ hurt so much after…" Her eyes clouded over with tears. "After we lost the baby," she whispered, her voice cracking.

As always at the mention of the child they never had, Lucas' heart and throat constricted in a painful moment of memory. He closed the distance between them, gently tucking her hair behind her ear and cupping her face in his hand, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "I know," he whispered back.

She placed her hand on his wrist, gazing up at him. "I wanted to be your wife; I wanted to have your baby. _This_ is so far from where I wanted us to end up."

"I know, babe," he said softly, brushing an escaped tear off of her cheek. "I wanted all of that too, just as badly as you did."

"I want to hate you," she choked out.

Lucas smiled gently. "That one I can't agree with you on."

She smiled back weakly, pulling his hand away from her cheek and taking it in her own, tugging it toward her, hesitantly yet forcefully. "Lie with me," she requested.

He didn't need to be asked twice. He crawled into bed with her, tucking her into his arms, wishing that he could save her, wishing that half of her grief was not his own fault.

Peyton clung to him like he _could_ still save her, like he was her one and only lifeline. "Thank you for being here."

He hugged her tighter, pressing his lips against her temple in an effort to comfort her, to show her how he felt. "Thank you for letting me be here."

**A/N: **Let me know what you think! (Pretty please.)


	8. Seven

**A/N: **Thank you, thank you, thank you for your reviews. You rock. This chapter takes place in the past, of course, but I have another revelation for you next chapter. :)

**Seven**: March 14th, 2005; Los Angeles, California

Peyton snuggled closer to Lucas, letting her eyes flutter closed as she sighed contentedly, reveling in the blissful world she was living in, buried beneath blankets with the boy she loved. Lucas echoed her sigh, pressing his lips to her forehead, and she knew that he felt the same way.

"Marry me," he murmured, his voice deep and dreamlike.

She just smiled, cuddling closer still, wishing there was some way that she could meld their bodies together – there was no such thing as close enough. She didn't feel the need to reply to his spontaneous request. It was so completely obvious to her; of course he was the man that she'd marry one day.

She opened her eyes to look at him, and to her great surprise, there was a ring in front of her, its reflection glistening in the shiny blue pools that were Lucas' eyes.

He watched her eyes go on alert with wonderment, and his name left her lips of a delicate, breathy whisper: "_Luke_…"

Peyton tucked her head into his neck, lifting her hand to rest over his, her fingers brushing against the diamond ring. Tears welled in her eyes as she looked over at his soft smile. "This was my mom's," she whispered, her throat tight. She could remember trying it on as a little girl, commenting that her daddy had good taste, and listening, completely enthralled, as her mother told her the story of the night he proposed.

He pulled her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles. "I know. Your dad gave it to me the last time he was in town." It had been nearly three months ago. Lucas could still remember the serious look in Larry Sawyer's eyes as he said sternly, _You've always been good at looking after my little girl. Keep it up._

She fought back tears and raised an eyebrow instead, blinking her eyes dry. "That was a little presumptuous of you both, don'tcha think?"

"Yeah?" he laughed, brushing her bangs out of her face. "Peyt…I'm not proposing. Not right now, not here, not like this. I just can't hold on to it any longer; I want to see you wearing it."

She leaned into him, a giddy giggle rising from her throat. "You're such a sap," she murmured against his lips before she kissed him.

He grinned against her mouth. "But you love me that way."

"I love you every way," she agreed quietly, stretching out the fingers of her left hand so that he could slip the ring on.

Her smile was watery, but Lucas found its brightness dazzling. "Perfect fit," she breathed, and his heart swelled to the point at which he thought it might explode.

Lucas tackled her into a kiss, pinning her to the mattress and hovering over her. It was a little aggressive, sure, but she didn't protest in the least – she just felt so damn safe with him. She smiled coyly as his hand pushed the strap of the thin tank top she was wearing down and off of her shoulder.

"God, I love you," he said fiercely. "It's like…" He had no words, no analogies, no comparisons, no metaphors.

One of her hands settled on his back, while the other cupped his check, her thumb gently caressing the skin beneath his eyes. "I know, baby. I know."

The next morning at the airport they stood in their own little bubble, clinging to one another. Her left hand was intertwined with his right, and her other arm was wrapped securely around him.

She didn't want to cry, but she did; tears dripped from her eyes as she peppered kisses over every single inch of his face.

Lucas buried his hand fist-deep in her curly hair and kissed her softly. "It's not that long," he said as calmly as he could.

"Yeah," she agreed, pulling her best smile up from deep within her soul. "One month, then Brooke and I will come home for Jamie's birthday party."

"One year old," Lucas mused. "He's getting so big."

"Yeah. Nathan and Haley made it, you know? They've really got it good."

Lucas smiled, reading her mind easily. "Someday you and I will get there."

Fresh tears tumbled down her cheeks. She couldn't help but imagine their future sometimes…a lot of the time, if she were to be honest. She hated being away from Luke, hated dreaming it rather than living it.

"Don't cry," he said quietly as the boarding call for his flight sounded through the building.

"It's just hard," Peyton whispered. "I love you so much."

Lucas' thumb grazed the ring that now adorned her finger. "Back at you, babe. And that's never going to change." He stroked the band of the ring one more time. "You're my forever," he said huskily, kissing her passionately one last time, trying to know her that he meant every one of those words.

She let him take a step back, but didn't release his hand just yet. "Maybe when I see you next month you can propose to me for real."

He grinned, "Maybe." Glancing down at their entwined hands, he regretfully added, "I've gotta go, Peyt."

"I know," she sighed, loosening her grip a bit. She smiled knowingly. "Let's hear it."

His grin widened. Of course she'd known that he had some epic quotation on the tip of his tongue. "_I'd rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you,_" he whispered low in her ear, tugging her closer.

She tucked her head into his shoulder, murmuring, "You're so sweet. What famous author said that?"

"No famous authors today," he chuckled. "That was John's line. From _Pocahontas."_

Her face slipped into an expression of absolute infatuation. "You just quoted _Disney_ to me?"

Lucas shrugged, pretending to be blasé about it. "Yeah, I guess I did."

She lifted her head, letting her lips graze his ear. He expected some sort of emotional remark about how sweet and cheesy he was, but instead her voice was husky as she purred, "That is so _sexy_."

A laugh spilled from his lips before he could stop it and she beamed up at him, her eyes sparking with mischief. "I'll remember that," he assured her, casting one last look down at her legs, his greatest weakness when it came to his girl.

The fingertips of Peyton's free hand lingered on his abs, feeling his muscles flex under his shirt, and she pressed one last firm kiss to the hinge of his jaw. "I love you," she said fiercely. Sometimes she was convinced that that one fact was the truest thing she'd ever felt or known. It grounded her.

"Back atcha, Blondie," he replied, pressing the same kind of kiss, one packed with affection only appropriate for finality, to her temple.

Peyton released his hand from her, bringing her own palm up to her mouth, and blew him a kiss. Lucas winked at her, and then he was gone.

"Oh, no, you've got the face," Brooke sighed as Peyton walked into her office carrying two cappuccinos.

"_What_ face?" Peyton demanded breathlessly, dropping her purse onto the chair. Navigating the towering building that housed Brooke's flourishing clothing business was far from easy. A business women talking on two cell phones at once mistook Peyton for her assistant and attempted to snatch the coffees away while rudely ordering her about. On the way to the elevator, she'd almost been ploughed over by a man steering a rack of long, slinky dresses. Down the hall toward Brooke's office, another man had stormed past her, muttering bitterly about how his model did _not_ look anorexic. Peyton was amazed that she'd made it there alive.

Brooke took one of the coffees out of Peyton's hand, smiling as she took a sip. Peyton never forgot that she liked extra foam. A part of her thought that Peyton would have been more help interning at Clothes over Bros rather than that label where they treated her like crap, but she knew that Peyton was just following her passion, and that she needed to rise through the ranks on her own. She cleared her throat before answering her best friend's question. "The _the love of my life just got on a plane, and now I'm so broody and depressed_ face. That's the one, right there."

Peyton blushed as she sat down. "I do not have that face on."

Brooke smirked. "Yeah, honey, you do. Don't worry too much. Lucas is _madly_ in love with you, and in a month we're going home and you'll see your lover boy again."

"_Speaking_ of lover boys…" Peyton began pointedly, going for a clever segue to get her friend off topic. "Give me the dirt, B. Davis."

She sighed, leaning back in her ultra-expensive ergonomic chair, which had so far done absolutely nothing for her back. "Jean Pierre is…nice. His accent is sexy," she offered with a shrug.

Peyton smiled patiently, prodding, "But…?"

Brooke grimaced and then waved her hand in the air as if to clear away any bad thoughts. "I don't want to talk about it right now. Let's talk about you, missy, with your big sad eyes. How's that asshole of a boss treating you?"

The blonde made a face. "How, exactly, is that supposed to cheer me up?"

"Because I can kick his ass if you want me to. _That's_ gotta make you smile."

Peyton grinned halfheartedly. "He's still a jerk. Enough said."

"Peyt…do you ever think about leaving that shitty job? You can do so much better, I know you can. And I know this isn't the first time you're hearing this – Haley and Nathan and Luke have all tried to have this discussion with you, too."

Her friend's smile was soft and sweet. "You guys worry about me and I love you to death for it…but I need to do my own thing, you know? Yeah, my boss is a total jackass. But if – _when_ – I get a promotion, and I start to do what I know I can…then I will have done it myself. I know that we all take care of each other, and I love that. I really do. But you've all been hovering over me trying to protect me from things you can't since we were eight years old. I need success that I've fully earned, that I got on my own, even if it hurt sometimes." She shrugged, and her right hand fell over her left. She began toying with the ring on her left hand without realizing it.

Brooke nodded, her eyes full of understanding, and her gaze fell on Peyton's hand. Before Peyton even realized what was happening, Brooke was on her feet and coffee was flying everywhere.

"Brooke!" she cried, reaching out her hands as though she could prevent the cappuccino foam from splattering all over Brooke's keyboard and sketches. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

"_Me_? What the fuck is that matter with you?"

"Excuse me?"

"You've been here what, ten minutes, and we've been talking about Jean Pierre and your stupid boss?" When Peyton continued to stare at her blankly, looking as though she feared for Brooke's sanity, the brunette shook her head in exasperation. "Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer, there is an _engagement ring _on your _finger_! Luke popped the question, oh my _God_!"

Peyton blushed instantly, unsure of how to respond, but she was saved from speaking at all when Brooke continued to rant: "That's not _fair_!" Brooke pouted, sounding like she had when she was five or six, her lower lips sticking out slightly as she scowled. "I'm gonna be the only one who's not _married_!"

Peyton burst out laughing, she couldn't help herself. At Brooke's offended, petulant expression, she quickly swallowed her laughter and reached for a box of tissues, uselessly trying to clean up the mess. "Calm down, okay? It's not a big deal. We're not engaged."

Brooke squinted at her. "Are you on drugs again?"

She paused in her cleaning, glancing at Brooke for only long enough to cast her a wounded look before staring fixedly at the table.

The brunette flopped back into her chair, tentatively placing her hand over Peyton's. "I'm sorry. Peyt…I'm sorry. Please look at me."

Peyton focused on Brooke's manicured nails for a full moment before she finally lifted her eyes to meet her friend's gaze. Brooke winced at the undisguised hurt, easily evident in the sudden darkness of Peyton's green orbs. "I'm sorry," she repeated firmly.

"It's okay," she breathed quietly, shooting Brooke a quick smile of forgiveness before handing over some tissues so that the designer could help with the clean up effort.

"So explain this to me," Brooke demanded gently. "You have this _gorgeous_ ring sparkling on your finger right now, but you're _not_ engaged?"

"No, we…he didn't ask me to marry him. Not yet. You know Lucas. He wants to do something special."

"Okay, then. Sure. But, then…why are you wearing the ring?"

She shrugged shyly. "He said he just wanted me to wear it. He wanted to see me wear it."

Brooke smiled, happy for her friend, but couldn't resist rolling her eyes as well. "He is so _whipped_, P. Sawyer."

Peyton shrugged again, lifting an eyebrow suggestively, but said nothing.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier."

"I know you are," Peyton nodded.

"Can I see?" Brooke asked, suddenly feeling remarkably contrite. The fact that she'd just insulted her friend and the fact that she'd once dated the man they were discussing now blended together in her mind, creating a strange haze. She didn't feel like she had the right to ask for this privilege.

But Peyton, because she was her best friend and she loved her, held out her hand, proudly placing it in Brooke's.

The ring wasn't new, she knew that immediately. Working in the industry that she did, she could pick up signs like that immediately. It wasn't an antique, though, it was just…classic. Elegant and oh-so-slightly edgy. And it fit snugly, as though it had been made precisely for Peyton's finger. Brooke gasped, tears inexplicably springing to her eyes. There was just something about weddings that always made her mushy. "P…babe, was this…?" She looked up, her eyes questioning.

Peyton nodded. The tears in Brooke's eyes did her in and her hazel-y green eyes flooded as well. "My mom's," she nodded.

Brooke smiled in amazement. "Your dad must have given it to him," she marveled softly. "Lucas wouldn't ask, not for something that personal."

Peyton nodded again, not able to trust herself to speak.

"Oh, Peyt…" Brooke breathed, understanding the significance and the tragic perfection of it all. "Come here." She waited patiently for Peyton to take the four steps around her desk so that she could pull her into a hug. "I'm so happy for you, P. Sawyer."

"Thank you," Peyton said into the collar of Brooke's silk blouse, and the brunette knew that she meant thank you for a hell of a lot more than the words that she'd just spoken.

"Hey," Brooke said softly, gently nudging Peyton with her shoulder so that they separated. She placed her hands lightly on her friend's upper arms. "I love you, okay?" she asked rhetorically as a tear made its way slowly down Peyton's cheek. "You deserve this, you really do. You've got it now. I mean, look at me, I've got Jean Pierre, of all people!"

Peyton giggled through her tears. "At least he has that sexy accent."

"Screw that," Brooke said good-naturedly. "You've got Luke's heart."

Exactly one month later, Lucas stood at Tree Hill's airport, driving himself crazy with impatience.

"Missing your fiancée?" Nathan teased.

He rolled his eyes at his brother. "For in millionth time, Nathan, we're not engaged yet."

"Riiiiight," Nathan drawled sarcastically, rolling her eyes right back. "So the ring is…what? An illusion? A before-engagement present? A –"

Haley cut her husband off, most of her attention dedicated to her almost-one-year-old son sitting happily in his stroller. "Stop that. It isn't stupid, it's _romantic_. Something you may want to look in to."

Lucas grinned triumphantly, mouthing, "_Burn_!" at his brother.

Nathan scoffed. "How old are you, six?"

"I haven't witnessed a fight this immature since both of you were _five_," Haley interjected with a sigh. "Remember what my mom used to say when she drove us places at that age? _Let's play the quiet game. Whoever it is that speaks last wins_."

"And what do we win, Haley James Scott?" Nathan inquired with a suggestive smirk.

Haley, utterly fed out with them both, threw him a scathing look. "You talk. Therefore…" She eyed her best friend up and down flirtatiously. "Looks like Lucas wins."

Lucas opened his mouth to speak, but Nathan beat him to it, not phased in the least. "Easy there, Hales. Luke's an engaged man. Oh, wait…I'm sorry, you're not, are you?"

"There they are!" Haley cried excitedly, cutting off Lucas' chance of rebuttal. "Thank God, huh?" she muttered to her baby boy, smiling brightly down at him.

Brooke and Peyton looked weary, but their faces lit up completely when they spotted the friends who pretty much made up their family. Brooke rushed straight to Haley for a bone-crushing hug before crouching down to coo incessantly at baby Jamie. Peyton was in Lucas' arms in an instant, as if magnets had pulled them together, their lips locked in the kiss that wasn't entirely public-place appropriate.

"Jeez, I feel loved," Nathan muttered pointedly as he stood to the side, completely ignored.

Both girls broke from their respective activities to throw their arms around him and deposit their luggage at him feet, and then Brooke was back demanding details of every moment of Jamie's life while Lucas and Peyton wrapped their arms around each other like they never intended to let go. Nathan just grinned as he picked up the bags and followed them out of the airport. No matter how much they ignored him, he was more than glad to have them home.

Back at the Scott home, Brooke went to work unpacking the numerous gifts she'd brought for her godson while Lucas and Peyton disappeared upstairs to 'wrap Jamie's present'. Their friends rolled their eyes and exchanged knowing looks. When they reappeared a little over half an hour later, cheeks flushed and eyes bright, Nathan reached over without preamble and gently tugged the v-neck collar to Peyton's shirt to the side, revealing an undoubtedly fresh hickey. She shot him an indignant look, blushing just a little bit, as Haley groaned, begging them to tell her that they hadn't done it in _her_ bed.

"Please, Haley, they just saw each other after a long, agonizing month. I bet you two hundred bucks they didn't exactly make it to any beds."

Nathan groaned as well, muttering things about two much information. Peyton cast Brooke a glare, but the satisfied smirk that Lucas valiantly attempted to hide told her just how right she was.

Later, when the house was full of people, adults milling around while they kept watchful eyes on their children, most of whom were babies, Nathan walked into the kitchen to catch Lucas sidling up to Peyton as the blonde made playful faces at Jamie.

"Hey, beautiful," Lucas murmured, dropping kisses along the column of her neck.

"Mm," Peyton said appreciatively, angling her head a bit to allow him better access.

"God, I missed you," he said huskily, sweeping her hair away from her neck gently as he pressed his lips against the hinge of her jaw.

She smiled, almost secretively, and turned to face him fully. She just wanted to tell him. She'd waited a week, and it was driving her crazy. Lucas hands dropped to rest naturally on her hips and she wrapped her long arms around his neck. "I quit my job."

His eyebrows shot sky-high. "What? Peyton…"

She shrugged, smiling brightly as she stood on tiptoe, kissing him passionately, their tongues battling. When they finally came up for air, she whispered, "I missed you, too."

Lucas' fingers pushed her shirt up by barely an inch, just so that he could touch her skin. "You're coming home?"

She rested her forehead against his, letting her eyes flutter closed. "I'm coming home."

Lucas caught Nathan eavesdropping nearby as he cleaned up plates and cups. He kept Peyton securely in his arms as he asked loudly, "What's up, Nate?" calling his brother out on his spying.

Nathan had never been the type to shy away from anything. He turned around, meeting the eyes of both blondes as he shrugged. "Nothing. I'm just glad you guys are, you know…_not_ engaged, or whatever the hell you think you are."

They both smiled, and before Lucas could reply, Peyton's lips were on his again, and all thoughts of his brother flew out of his mind immediately.

"God, get a _room_," Nathan grumbled. Then he winced, realizing what he'd just said. "Or actually, please don't, Haley would freak out…" He rolled his eyes. They were thoroughly wrapped up in each other and oblivious to him. He briefly thought of opening his mouth to tell them to be happy, but then he shook his head at the stupidity of his own thought.

Haley appeared at his side, surprising him. She glanced over at Lucas and Peyton, making out that like the high school kids they practically all still were, and rolled her eyes affectionately. "Whatcha thinking about?" she asked her husband, wrapping one arm around him.

He smiled down at her, glancing back over at the blondes for the briefest of seconds, thinking of happiness and love and purity of the perfection that resulted in that perfect combination and leaned down to kiss her forehead, shrugging. "Luke and Peyt. Jamie. Love. …You."

**A/N**: And there it is. Thoughts? And a moment to shamelessly plug my own work...if you're looking for more reading, since I'm going to be kind of slow with updates over the next couple weeks, I did write a couple oneshots back when I was new to the world of OTH fanfic...if you haven't read those, they're called **Someday** and **Home** so...yeah, if you haven't already read those...you can! There's serious, honest-to-God L/P angst and interaction there. Thanks again for your reviews...I would love some for this chapter, too.


	9. Eight

**A/N:** Thanks, as always, for all of your reviews. This chapter's a little longer than most have been in this story so far, and it actually has a song connected to it. You know, the one you listen to over and over while you write...normally that's not my thing, but my soundtrack for this is inexplicably Michelle Featherstone's _Sunday_.

**Eight:** September 15th, 2011; St. Flora, North Carolina

Haley yawned, stretching her arms over her head as she walked down the stairs. She was always the first of her friends to wake up in the morning, it had been that way since they were little kids.

As she clomped down the stairs into the living room, she saw Brooke sound asleep on the couch, her legs tangled up in the sheets, snoring lightly but steadily.

Haley frowned, her thoughts a sleepy, jumbled mess. She leaned down close to her friend. "Brooke," she hissed. "_Brooke_. Brooke Penelope Davis!" she said loudly, blowing her breath into Brooke's face.

"Wha-a-at?" Brooke murmured grumpily, running a hand over her eyes and trying to bat Haley away.

"Wake up!" Haley insisted, shaking her shoulder. "Why are you sleeping here? Where's Luke?" If he'd left, she would hunt him down and kill him, she really would. That frenzied train of thought was brought to a stop by the sight of his bag, open to reveal a mess of clothes, on the over side of the couch. But if he wasn't downstairs…then where _was _he?

Brooke opened her eyes, squinting up at her flustered friend. "Huh?"

She sighed, crouching down in front of Brooke. "Why are you sleeping here? Where did Lucas go?"

Brooke's eyes lit up as her brain finally accessed the answers to those questions. "Oh! Oh my God!"

She struggled free of her tangled sheets, grabbed Haley's hand, and pulled her toward the stairs. Haley was impressed that she did all of that without once stopping to worry about her sleep-mussed hair.

Brooke pulled her straight to the doorway of what had been Derek's room, and extending her arm fully, pointing inside.

"_Look_!" the brunette said, somehow managing to both squeal and whisper at the same time.

Haley peeked under her arm and saw Lucas and Peyton curled up together. Lucas was on his back and Peyton lying against him, one leg hooked over his and her face nuzzled into his neck. Lucas' hand had snuck under Peyton's shirt at some point and was resting at the small of her back, his fingers pressing into her skin.

"_Oh_," Haley breathed. They looked so peaceful like that, all wrapped up in one another.

"Damn, they look good together in bed," Brooke rasped, making them both giggle girlishly. She turned to her friend. "What happens now?"

Haley shrugged. She didn't have any answers. "I don't know, Tigger. But maybe things will actually work out this time."

Brooke's eyes were dark with worry. "Peyton can't take another heartbreak."

Haley nodded, but couldn't resist gently reminding her, "Neither can Luke."

Brooke could feel herself getting defensive. Both she and Haley would defend their best friends to the end, without fail, and it caused the smallest bit of tension between them sometimes. "He practically killed her!" she hissed. "The whole thing with Lindsey, and then –"

"I know," Haley interrupted her, making sure to keep her tone soothing and even. She and Brooke had nothing to fight about. "But he was _so_ broken up, Brooke, you know that. They'd just lost their child and Peyton wouldn't let him help her…Lucas was falling apart, and he felt like a failure when he talked to us because we all knew how badly Peyton was doing. Not all of Luke's heartbreak is Peyton's fault, and not all of hers is his. You know that."

She nodded, her sleepy eyes filling with tears. She hated to cry, but she'd been doing it pretty often since Derek's death. "Yeah. I know. I just…I don't know how to help her anymore." She glanced at Haley hesitantly. "I don't know how to help _either_ of them. Do you think this is how Luke felt? Back then?"

Haley pulled her into a hug, not wanting Brooke to see that she was on the verge of tears as well. She couldn't be sure of how Lucas had felt back then, but he'd been in a serious downward spiral, as had Peyton. Thinking back to that time frightened her, in all honestly. Her present wasn't amazing or anything, but it was steady, a stark contrast to the fear and pain they'd all felt back then. She rubbed Brooke's back comfortingly. "I think that maybe we need to let them help each other.

"Mm," Peyton murmured contentedly, pulling away slightly from the warm body she was pressed against.

"Morning, sleepyhead," a deep voice, thick with the remnants of slumber, greeted her.

Her eyes flew open to see Lucas' face. He was still holding her close, his fingers gently tracing up and down her spine. She shivered a little, smiling back blearily. This was the way she wanted to wake up every single morning, it still was. "How long have you been awake?" she asked, happy at the casual easiness with which the words left her mouth.

"Couple hours," he said, just as comfortable with her in this moment as she was with him.

Her eyes widened with surprise. "You could have woken me up."

"Nah," he said with a smile. "I love watching you sleep, listening to you breathe. You look so angelic."

She blushed, burying her face in his shoulder bashfully. She felt the rumble of his chest as he laughed.

"Twenty-five years and you still can't take a compliment."

Peyton peeked up at him through her eyelashes. "Twenty-five years and you can still make me act like a total girl."

He grinned at her affectionately. He wished that this was his reality, rather than a pocket of bliss in their world that reeked of devastation, a momentary glimpse of the fairytale they'd messed up too much to have.

"Real world's still out there," Peyton mused quietly, sighing, as if she'd read Lucas' thoughts. She very well may have. There had been a time when he wouldn't have doubted it. She looked over at the door apprehensively, as though she expected the real world to barge in and tear them apart. Lucas felt the familiar tug at his heartstrings, his incessant drive to keep her safe.

He cleared his throat. "Is it going to be more awkward to go downstairs together or separately?"

She giggled. "We're not kids anymore, Lucas. It's only our friends down there. We didn't even have sex, but it's not like it would have mattered if we did."

He was fairly certain it _would_ have mattered. Nathan would've kicked his ass, Haley would have lectured him, and Brooke would have given him her most scathing glare. He couldn't really blame them – it was easy to blame him when Peyton fell apart, because lately he was deserving of it.

Lucas didn't voice any of those thoughts; instead he squinted and said, "We didn't? Damn, that must have been a really…real…dream."

Peyton rolled her eyes, swatting at his chest with the back of her hand. "For that, you can go down first and deal with the awkwardness."

He smirked. "So you admit it. There's awkwardness."

"Ugh, just go!" she cried, freeing herself from his grasp and rolling away. Even when he annoyed her, it wasn't difficult to fall back into a place where she loved him.

She watched him as he kicked off the covers and made his way across the room in nothing but his plaid pyjama pants. When he placed his hand on the doorknob, she felt a sudden sense of panic, and sat upright in bed. "Lucas, wait."

He turned to look at her. The black band-branded t-shirt she'd chosen to wear to bed was must to big, and it had slipped off one of her shoulders and God, she was beautiful.

Peyton clenched the blankets in her hand, looking down shyly. She was scared to meet his eyes in case he didn't reciprocate her feelings; she was scared to look elsewhere lest he catch her checking him out. "This was nice," she finally whispered.

He understood instantly what she meant. Their temporary peace, the momentary fallback to how they used to be when they woke up together and conversation flowed like it would never end. "It really was," he agreed, his voice just as quiet.

She nodded, chancing a glance up at him. "You…can go. I just want to…I wanted you to know."

Lucas smiled softly. "I know. And Peyton…me, too."

"Good morning," Haley said, eyeing Lucas curiously as he emerged in the kitchen, decked out in plaid pyjama pants and with seriously messy hair.

"Hey, Hales," he replied simply. If she wasn't going to question him, he wasn't going to provide any information.

Brooke, of course, was far less patient. She rested her elbows on the counter, hands circling a cup of coffee. "So, I ended up sleeping on the couch last night. Which, by the way, was _totally_ picked out by someone in the military – it's damn uncomfortable." She paused, staring at Lucas. "You want to give me an explanation, or did my back suffer for absolutely so reason?"

"You don't have back problems," Haley said, rolling her eyes.

"That doesn't mean I can't feel pain," Brooke shot back. "Now, speak," she ordered Lucas.

He rolled his eyes as well. Brooke was just too much sometimes. "I'm not a dog."

"If you change the subject one more time, Lucas Scott…"

He shrugged, staring down at the countertop. "We just needed to talk."

"About?" It was Haley who asked, her voice soft and gentle, but it was clearly a question she expected answers to.

He met her eyes and sighed. "We both have things to be sorry for, I guess. We both…"

Brooke reached out, placing her hand on his upper arm. "Did you talk…about the baby?"

Lucas nodded, closing his eyes for a moment as if to ward off the bad memories. "That still tears her up, huh?"

"Of course it does," Nathan said gruffly, speaking up for the first time. He was sitting at the table with the kids, supervising as they painted with watercolours. "More than you know," he added quietly, and received a _shut the hell up_ look from his wife. He did as told, peering over at Lucy's picture and complimenting her on how 'beautiful' the watery pink-and-purple mess was. He'd preferred finger painting as a kid. Watercolours were way more restrictive.

"Yeah, Luke, of course it does," Brooke agreed, her voice soft as she tackled the delicate topic. "I know that she thinks about that baby that you two lost. What parent wouldn't?" She smiled. "And I know you, Luke. You think about that, too."

He furrowed his brow. "Because losing that baby destroyed what we had."

"No," Brooke said sharply, her expression hardening. She knew he was saying that out of frustration and grief, but she still wished he'd kept that sentiment inside and let it die. "There was a hell of lot more that contributed to your guys' split. You think about it because that was your _child_, Lucas."

Lucas gave her a small smile, contrite. "Yeah. I do think about it."

Brooke rubbed his arm comfortingly. "Yeah," she agreed in a whisper.

"What're you talking about?" Jamie demanded suddenly from the table, looking up at them all with innocent confusion all over his face.

"Nothing, handsome," Brooke told him instantly, brightening up her voice and walking over to him. "Whatcha drawing?"

Haley placed a plate of French toast in front of Lucas. "Eat up," she told him, unable to control her maternal instincts.

Lucas stared down at the food as if it were some sort of heartbreaking memento from his past.

"Luke?" she asked worriedly.

He looked up and tried to smile at her, wishing that he didn't have the kind of mind that made him over think breakfast food, of all things. "You made my favourite."

"Of course," Haley replied, but the look she was giving him told him that she knew there was more to the story.

"Peyton…this one morning when we were seventeen, she decided to make me pancakes, because she thought that was my favourite breakfast. She looked at me when I walked into the kitchen…and she was just wearing nothing but one of my button-down shirts and there was flour on her nose and…this sounds stupid, but the sun came into this window at this perfect angle and made her hair light up and everything shine. She looked like she had a halo, and then she smiled at me and…I thought that I never wanted to leave that second in time. I couldn't…I could never bring myself to tell her that I really didn't like pancakes, and she'd make them for me all the time."

Lucas was a sensitive guy, but he was never _quite_ this cheesy and dramatic, not _quite_ this early in the morning, and Haley could tell that there was something about that memory that tore at his heart. She rested her hand over top of his, her warm skin pressing reassuring warmth into his. "Hey. Tell her now. Make this your do over, Luke. Make it so that both of you can finally get your happiness."

Before he could reply, Peyton walked into the kitchen in jeans and a Ravens t-shirt so old that Lucas thought it was actually Nathan's. "Morning, everybody," she said softly, sliding onto a stool at the island next to Lucas.

"Hey, honey, I made ya breakfast," Haley announced happily, sliding a plate in front of Peyton as well.

Peyton frowned down at the plate in front of her. "Lucas hates French toast."

Haley shot him a pointed look, an amused smile tugging at her lips. Lucas opened his mouth to admit that he actually hated pancakes, but he just couldn't, because before he could speak Peyton placed her hand over his knee, gave it a squeeze, and slid off her stool, making her way over to the stove like it was no big deal. "I'll make you pancakes," she shrugged, and he hadn't felt the way he did as she said that since that morning in his kitchen, when he'd fallen in love with her just a little bit more.

"Hey…guys?" Brooke asked as she walked into the living room, where they'd all gathered. No one was saying anything – they were all occupied with individual activities, but it was a comfortable silence.

"What's up?" Nathan asked back.

"I just got an e-mail," she said regretfully, cursing her workload. "I've got to head back to New York for a couple das," she sighed, casting a guilty look toward Peyton.

"Brooke," her friend sighed. "It's fine. I'm fine. You should go."

Brooke sighed as well, throwing a grateful smile of thanks in Peyton's direction. "I don't really have a choice. It's only for a couple days."

"Go, Brooke," Haley said, reiterating Peyton's sentiment. "We love you and we'll miss you, but we'll all be fine here."

Brooke nodded, and smiled at her daughter. "What do you say, honey bug? Do you want to stay here with your aunts and uncles, or do you want to come back with me?"

Lucy pursed her lips together, considering, but in the end her attachment to her mother won out. "I want to go with you."

"Alright, sweetie," Brooke agreed easily. It didn't make much difference to her. "Come on, then, let's get you all packed, alright?"

* * *

Lucas walked into Derek's room again later that afternoon to find Peyton sitting on her brother's bed, hugging a pillow and staring at nothing.

"Hey," he said softly, sitting down a safe foot away from her, but reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear.

"Hi," she replied, quickly wiping away her tears.

He shook his head, not understanding why she felt it necessary to hide what she was feeling from him. "It's okay, Peyt. It's okay that you're sad, it's okay that you miss him."

She gave him a watery smile in return. "I know, I just…I also know that he wouldn't have wanted me to fall apart. He taught me to be strong. It feels like…the right thing to do for him is to find some strength for him."

"He would want you to be happy, too."

Peyton turned her face fully toward his, looking him straight in the eye. "Will you help me?" she whispered vulnerably.

"With what?" he asked, tucking her hair back again. She didn't have any wisps near her face; he did it more just to touch her, to try to help heal her.

"Finding strength. Being happy."

Lucas half-smiled, standing from his place on the bed and extending both hands toward her. "Will you come somewhere with me, Blondie?"

She smiled back at the old nickname, taking both his hands. She didn't speak, but she let him pull her to her feet. That alone said enough.

He'd discovered a basketball in the back of the hall closet, so he tucked that under one arm, took Peyton's hand in his other, and walked down the quiet street of the small town. He led her in a specific direction, remembering that there was a park nearby. There was, sure enough, there was a basketball court. He tossed the ball over to her. "One on one?" he suggested, and she grinned. They used to do this sometimes when they first started dating.

"Okay," she agreed with something that sounded almost like a laugh in her voice.

It wasn't a serious game, it never had been. When they dated, and even now, it was mostly about contact, snatching the ball from one another. When Lucas tackled her, Peyton was powerless, but sometimes she managed to get him back. They spent nearly half an hour getting all tangled up in one another, laughing lightly and aiming for baskets that never actually went in.

When they finally called it quits, the ball rolled off into the distance, but the two of them stayed close, cheeks red and breathing heavy. Peyton smiled appreciatively at Lucas. That had most definitely helped. Running around, feeling attached to him…it all made her feel much happier, much stronger, and much more alive.

She gripped his collar with both hands, keeping him close. She could feel the thump of both his heart and hers, no longer able to distinguish between the two. "Luke…about what I said yesterday…I-I don't hate you."

Lucas' smile was gentle – loving, even. His nose brushed hers as he nodded, understanding why she'd said what she did. He'd deserved it, in complete honesty.

"It's just…it's so complicated, what I feel for you," she confessed, looking deep into his blue eyes and finding comfort within them. "There are just…there are _still_ all these things that I feel like I need to say to you, to tell you…"

"Like what?" he asked kindly. He was trying not to push her, but he was dying to work some things out, to firmly re-establish a connection with her.

Peyton just smiled softly back at him, whispering, "Not now."

She brushed her lips against his, her head spinning from the overload of emotion that small act drew up from the bottom of her soul, the sheer intensity it elicited within her. Lucas kissed her back forcefully, unable to resist. But just as he buried a hand in her hair and swept him tongue against her lips, pleading for access to her whole mouth, her eyes snapped open and she pulled away, shaking her head.

"Don't freak out. Don't run," Lucas said immediately, requests that left his lips in the form of orders.

"God, we cannot _do_ this!" she cried, feeling trapped in an endless cycle. Her happiness and strength had all but disappeared. She turned and paced away from him, lifting her hands into the air.

"Don't do this," he begged, feeling the sudden urge to cry. "Please, Peyton, you _always _do this. _Talk_ to me. We can be okay, I know we can. I…I love –"

"Don't!" she cried, whirling around and glaring at him, affection battling anger and grief in her emerald eyes. Sadness and frustration were kicking affection's ass. "Don't say that to me, this is so fucked up! _We_…you and _I_…we cannot _cheat_ on the woman _you_ had an _affair_ with!"

The words shot from her lips like bullets and hit him right where it hurt most. "Peyton," he pleaded weakly, just her name and nothing more.

"_Don't_," she snapped again. "Don't you dare play the victim. I know, okay? I know you've been hurt, Luke, and I cannot even describe to you how sorry I am for it all. I look at you now and all I want to do is take all your pain away. I would take it on myself if I could, but God, Lucas, you broke my heart, you waged war on everything I'd ever felt for you, and it almost killed her." She shook her head, breathing only in harsh gasps. "This morning in Derek's bedroom…things felt so right again with you and me, like nothing had ever changed. And I know that was…it was perfect, Lucas, and I wish it's something that we could have…but it's not. I've forgiven you, and I can only pray that you've done the same for me, because I love you too much to hold on to any sort of grudge…and I just hope that you feel the same way." Lucas watched as tears pooled in here eyes, clinging to her lower lashes. "I forgive you, Lucas, I promise. I just don't know if I can forget."

Lucas' lips were dry, his throat was parched, but he spoke anyway. "_The things…the things people in love do to each other they remember, and if they stay together it's not because they forget, it's because they forgive._"

Peyton stared at the ground, blinking furiously. "_Indecent Proposal_. We watched that together."

"Yeah," he agreed quietly, taking a hesitant step toward her. "Peyton, if in your heart you still –"

She cut him off. "You used to read Tennyson to me, you know? When I got mono from Nathan, when we were fourteen. You'd sit with me on my bed and read to me, and I had never in my life felt quite that safe, except maybe when my mom hugged me." She sighed. "You know what he said, right?" Of course he did. "'_Tis_ _better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all_." She looked at him, struggling to maintain some strength. "You know how I feel, Luke. I don't think that will ever change for me. But it has changed for _us_."

**A/N**: So at this point you're probably wondering why Lucas is a total jackass in all of my fics - or at least those which aren't crossovers with GG - and I honestly can't tell you why. Lucas can do really ass-y things sometimes, I guess it's as simple as that. About this story though, about the affair situation: all you need to know for the moment is that it's more complicated than it seems right now, and that Lucas really isn't a total jackass - in any of my stories, or at least I hope so. More will be explained later, as always. The more you review, the sooner it will (hopefully) be...


	10. Nine

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay. I just finished an essay I've been working on for a year and a half now, so that's been taking up my time. This chapter is depressing, but it's basically a present from me to you, a little celebration of the fact that essay is finally out of my life…at least until March. :)

Just one note on this chapter: I'm not a doctor, so any medical talk is all logical assumption. Just go with it, if you don't mind. Oh, and break lines don't seem to like me anymore, so I've replaced them with -x-. Read and review, please.

**Nine:** March 29th, 2006; Tree Hill, North Carolina

"I miss you."

Haley laughed on the other end of the line. "Nathan, you saw me like, six hours ago."

He grinned to himself. "Yeah, I know…but I miss you anyway. How's our boy?"

"Jamie's great," she gushed. "Today, he –"

A sudden beep rang into Nathan's ear, interrupting his wife. "Damn, Hales, I have another call. Hold on a second, okay?"

"Sure," she agreed.

"Scott," he answered on the other line.

"Hi. It's me…Peyton."

"Sawyer," he chuckled. "I've known you forever – I think I have a pretty good idea of what your voice sounds like by now. What can I do for you?"

He could hear her take a shuddering breath. "Can you come pick me up?" she whispered.

Nathan frowned as he passed a particularly slow truck. "Peyton…what's going on?"

Peyton clutched the payphone she was using with both hands, trying not to let a sob spill from her lips. She couldn't break down, not yet. "_Please_, Nathan?"

"Okay. Of course. I'm in the car already…just tell me where you are, okay?"

Peyton paused before quietly informing him, "I'm at the hospital."

Nathan almost rear-ended the car in front of him. "What happened?" he demanded, his voice deepening with seriousness. "Are you okay? Are –"

"Nate," she interrupted him, a couple tears creeping down her cheeks. "I'm…I just want to get out of here."

"I'll be there as soon as I can," he promised.

"Thank you," she breathed.

Nathan switched back to Haley. "Hales?"

"Hey!" she said happily. "I was starting to think you'd forgotten about me. Was that your other wife or something?"

He clamped the phone between his ear and his shoulder and swerved into a spectacularly illegal u-turn. "That was Peyton," he told Haley without preamble. "She's at the hospital."

"Oh my God," she gasped, her voice free of the laughter it had held just seconds ago. "What _happened_?"

"I don't know," he replied, unable to keep his voice from shaking a bit, "but she said she wanted me to pick her up so that's good, right? If they're letting her go home?"

"I…I don't know. I hope so. Where's Luke, still in New York?" she asked, beginning to pace their kitchen as she ran a hand through her hair.

"Yeah, I think."

"Bring her over here then, okay?" She gulped, glancing over at Jamie, who was happily babbling to himself in his playpen. "Nathan, what –"

"It's gonna be alright," Nathan insisted as he turned into the hospital parking lot, determined to stay clam.

"Take care of her," Haley sighed. "I wish I could be there." She paused. "I love you."

"You too," he replied as he double-parked messily. "I'll see you soon."

Nathan was in a panic as he stumbled out of the car. Peyton was, for all intents and purposes, his sister, if he chose to ignore the fact that he'd once had a relationship with her. He'd known her for all of his life, and since Lucas was his brother, she would soon be his sister-in-law. No matter how many times she and Lucas insisted that they weren't engaged _yet_, she was wearing the damn ring on her finger, and that was good enough for Nathan.

He was going at full speed, but he didn't even make it through the doors of the ER. Peyton came out to meet him instead.

She watched as Nathan sighed in relief when she walked toward him. She knew that, other than her puffy eyes, she looked fine.

"Hey," he said gently, smiling at her, though he was still bewildered. He opened his arms, waiting for her to dive into them.

But she didn't. She couldn't touch him. Right now she felt empty, but she didn't mind it much; she wasn't ready to let herself feel yet, so she kept a good two feet of space between them.

Nathan lowered his arms, studying her worriedly. "Peyt…what happened?"

She crossed her arms, hugging herself. "Can you please just take me home?" she whispered, her voice cracking.

"I need you to talk to me," he said desperately. "Is –"

"_Nathan_," she begged, cutting him off as she let her eyes plead with him.

"Okay. Okay, come on."

She huddled against the door of the car as he drove, glancing over at her every other second. Her eyes looked positively haunted, and Nathan could feel fear building in the pit of his stomach. "Sawyer…you're scaring me. Please say something."

Peyton shook her head, stubbornly pressing her lips together until they turned white. Finally, she said, "I just want to go home."

"I know," he said softly. "Let me take you back to our place, okay? Haley will take care of you."

His words were so tender and careful that she wanted to scream. She shook her head violently instead. "No. Please. I just want to go _home_."

And then the damn burst. She didn't scream or sob, but tears slipped out of her eyes and fell down her cheeks, splattering onto her jeans.

"Peyt…" Nathan said as she buried her face in her hands.

As he pulled the car over to the side of the road, she finally stopped feeling numb, and started to cry in earnest. She felt Nathan's hand land on one of her shaking shoulders.

"I know," he said as soothingly as he could, reaching up to stroke her hair. He did know. There was only one explanation for this, and it broke his heart.

She voiced the conclusion he'd some to painfully anyway, choking it out. "I lost the baby."

"I know," he repeated, his heart aching for her as he gently ran his hand up and down her arm comfortingly. "Did you call Lucas?"

Peyton shook her head, struggling to breathe. "W-what am I supposed to _say_ to him?" she gasped out. "I lost our baby."

Nathan was not any kind of medical expert, but he knew three things. The first was that Peyton was starting to hyperventilate. "I need you to breathe, okay, Sawyer?" He wished he had a paper back on hand. "Deep into your lungs. Okay?" She took in a couple gulps of air, so he forged on to the next fact he knew: you didn't just walk into a hospital, find out you'd miscarried, and walk out again a few minutes later. "Hey. What happened? How long were you there?"

She shrugged, her whole boy trembling. "I collapsed at work when I got there. I've been at the hospital since then."

"Peyt…why didn't you call me earlier?"

"It didn't feel real," she whispered. "I didn't want it to be real."

"Of course," Nathan agreed understandingly, before he moved on to the last thing he felt that he had to tell her. "It's not your fault." When she didn't reply, he said, "You know that…right?"

She was crying too hard to answer him, but that was alright. He wouldn't have liked her answer, anyway.

"Okay," Nathan sighed, wishing that Lucas was in town. His brother was good at this stuff, comfort and caring and connecting with Peyton. "Let me take you back to our place, okay?"

"Nathan…I…"

"Come on, Sawyer. Haley will take good care of you."

Her tears took over her body, bursting out of her in harsh, violent sobs. She couldn't gather the strength to agree with him.

Nathan, at a loss, wrapped an arm around her and tugged her toward him gently. She crawled over the gearshift and the cup holders, the console meant to hold loose change and sunglasses and who know what else, to huddle onto his seat next to him, leaning against him and letting him support her weight.

"It's okay," he whispered, but he knew that it wasn't.

-x-

"Hey!" Haley cried, hurrying over to the door the second it opened.

Peyton walked in first, looking practically traumatized, and Nathan was close behind her.

"Peyton?" Haley asked quietly.

Right on cue, Jamie started to wail in the next room, and Peyton's chin began to quiver as her ears picked up a sound she'd just lost out on. She took two steps forward and threw her arms around her friend, holding on tightly.

Haley hugged her back reassuringly, searching her husband's eyes for confirmation of her worst fear…and she found it. She gasped, her eyes filling up as she rubbed Peyton's back. "Oh, sweetie…come on, honey, let's go sit down. Nathan'll take care of Jamie."

"Haley, I-I don't know…what to _do_," Peyton said plaintively, feeling completely lost. The day had been a whirlwind of horrors, lightheadedness and blood and doctors and grief counselors and words that she did not want to dear.

"Okay. Okay." In all honestly, Haley didn't have a clue as to what to do, either. "Do you want to lie down?" she asked as she spotted the deep, dark circles under Peyton's eyes.

"The doctor gave me something to help me sleep…"

"Okay, good. You go lie down in the guest bedroom, and I'll bring you some water, alright?"

Peyton nodded before she shuffled off miserably. Nathan re-entered the room when she left, Jamie in his arms, and Haley looked deep into his eyes, seeing all the sadness and seriousness she felt reflected back at her. "I can't imagine…" she whispered.

Nathan nodded, his expression somber. "You be with her. I'll call Luke."

She closed her eyes for a moment. "Thank you, babe." She knew that she wasn't strong enough to break the news to Lucas, who was so exciting about his impending fatherhood.

Haley filled a glass with water, throwing in a few ice cubes and a stripped bendy straw before she snapped back to reality and shook her head at herself. Ice and cute straws were not going to solve Peyton's problems.

Peyton was lying on top of the covers on the bed in the neutrally decorated gust room, staring intently at the ceiling. Her heart was thumping in her chest, the beat echoing through her pulse points.

"Hey, honey," Haley said, perching on the edge of the bed. "I brought you your water."

Peyton flattened both her hands against her abdomen, but didn't take her eyes off the ceiling. "I didn't really want it, you know? I was only nineteen when I found out, and it was so _terrifying_. I watch you with Jamie and you just do everything _right_. I don't know how to be a mom. But Lucas was just so _happy_…and all of a sudden it seemed like the best thing possible. Luke and I were having a baby. God, Haley, I didn't even know it was a boy or girl…but I loved him or her so _much_ anyway." She squeezed her eyes shut before she finally looked at her friend.

"Oh, Peyton…" Haley breathed mournfully. "I wish so much that…"

Peyton tried to smile at her, but her lips wouldn't move. They were tingling with the memory of how Lucas had kissed her when she first told him that they were going to have a child.

Haley placed the glass of water in Peyton's hands, propping up the pillows behind her back so that she could sit up straight. "You take your pill and go to sleep, okay? Just allow yourself to breathe for a little bit. I will be _right_ here when you wake up." She shook her head, her heart in her throat. "I'm so sorry, hon."

"I know," Peyton sighed, sitting up and swallowing the pill. She laid back down and closed her eyes again. "Me too."

-x-

Lucas pulled his vibrating cell phone out of his pocket discreetly and checked the caller ID. He smiled when he saw that it was his brother and politely excused himself from the meeting.

"Nate, hey, I'm glad you called. Everything's okay at home, right?" He'd had an uneasy feeling all day that he couldn't shake, something disorienting and disturbing.

Nathan could tell just by his brother's casual tone that he expected lazy reassurances that _of course_ everything was okay at home. His throat constricted for a moment as he remembered that he could not give Luke what he wanted. "I'm sorry, but…no. Listen, Lucas…it's Peyton."

Lucas stopped breathing momentarily, gripping his phone tightly. "What is it? Is she okay? Is the baby okay?" The words shot out of his mouth at top speed.

"You should come home," Nathan said with a heavy sigh.

"Do _not_ do this to me; I can't worry about it all the way home."

"Luke…"

Lucas could hear tears in Nathan's voice and it terrified him. "Please, little brother," he said thickly, realizing that it was bad, really bad.

Nathan took a deep breath, hating that he had to do this, hating that it had ever happened. "Luke…God…She lost the lost the baby. I'm sorry; God, I'm sorry."

Lucas could practically feel his heart breaking cleanly in two as he collapsed backwards into a chair. Tears clouded his vision. His mind was in overdrive, but he couldn't form a coherent thought. "Is…is Peyton okay?" he asked breathlessly.

"I…I don't know. Lucas, I'm sorry, and I know that you must be hurting like hell right now…but you need to come home, man."

"Yeah. Yes. As soon as I can, I'll be there."

His hands were shaking so much that he needed to try twice to press the button which would end the call.

"Luke!" Peter Bergs, one of the junior editors at the publishing house, poked his head out of the conference room. "We need ya back in here."

Lucas stayed stationary, too stunned to say anything.

"Luke? You okay there, dude?" Peter asked, taking a couple steps toward him and trying to catch his eye.

He swallowed hard, choking on the words that he needed to say. "My fiancée lost our baby," he said brokenly, and the words tasted vile in his mouth.

Peter blinked several times, shocked into silence. "Uh…whoa. Wow. I'm…I'll tell them you're leaving. Lucas…I'm really sorry."

"Yeah," he sighed, running a weary hand over his eyes, which ached with unshed tears, "Me too."

-x-

Lucas was sitting next to the bed, both of his hands gently closed around his fiancée's disturbingly chilly fingers. She'd probably wake up soon, Haley had told him sadly. She offered to be there and to speak with Peyton when she awoke, but Lucas had turned her down. He had to be there, had to talk with her before anyone else. He'd already missed enough of this life-shattering day.

"Luke?" Peyton murmured drowsily, her hand moving within his.

He struggled to maintain his composure. He wanted to smile reassuringly as he responded, "Hey, honey," but he just couldn't.

Her eyes were both hazy and frantic. "Why am I here?"

Lucas answered her specific demand rather than the broader question. "You're at Haley's. You're okay."

Peyton blinked rapidly, and Lucas steeled himself for another inquiry, trying to ignore the pressure of the tears building in his eyes. What if she didn't remember? He couldn't say it, he couldn't. How the hell was he supposed to tell the woman he loved that their beloved, unborn baby was gone?

"I thought it was a dream," she whispered.

He was consumed by relief, and overpowering that, anguish. He reached out, gently brushing her hair out of her face. "Peyt," he said mournfully, at a complete loss for words.

She stared at the ceiling. It felt like her heart was literally aching. "When my mom died, it hurt so much sometimes that I couldn't breathe. When Ellie died, I got headaches all the time because I was trying to hard not to cry, to be strong for her. It all felt like a dream, like none of it was really possible." She paused. "This is different, though. This is worse than any of that, this isn't how it is supposed to be. Children are supposed to outlive their parents. Our baby…I could see it all, in my head, all of those milestones and those moments that were _supposed to have_. This isn't like a dream, Lucas, it's a nightmare, and I can't…I just…" She finally looked at him, her eyes begging him to make it all go away. "I _have _to wake up from this," she choked out, her voice cracking as she began to sob.

Lucas' heart broke. He climbed onto the bed with Peyton, pulling her into a tight hug as she wept. Tears slipped down his cheeks as he kissed her temple, murmuring, "I know, baby. I know. You have no idea how badly I wish I could change this."

Brooke, who'd arrived sometime before Lucas had to discover a weepy Haley, stunned Nathan, and restlessly sleeping Peyton, leaned against the doorframe in the doorway of the room, watching them sadly. She hated it when people told her that they knew how she felt, so she would never say those words aloud to her friends, but she had the smallest sense of what their pain had to feel like.

She wanted to be a mom. She watched Haley completely light up every time something vaguely related to her son was mentioned. She'd felt the pure joy that Luke and Peyton had radiating off of them prior to this moment, when it had all been taken away. She knew what it was like to be motherless…and she felt that since she'd never had the chance to be the daughter in a mother-daughter relationship, she'd have to take on the other role.

It had seemed so simple to her, one afternoon in Peyton's living room about a week after she'd announced her pregnancy, holding up bags of newly purchased maternity wear for her friend. This could be such a good thing. It was simple, wasn't it? All she needed was a male contribution, and it wasn't exactly as though a sperm bank was hard to find. She'd been on cloud nine, giddily contemplating asking one of the Clothes over Bro's male models for a…_favour_, thinking about how great it was that she, Peyton, and Haley would have kids around the same age, who could grow up together like they had with one another, playing around with the idea of a Clothes over Bro's maternity line. And then she thought about having a child, and having someone depend on her, and it filled her heart up.

She'd thought of it all in such simple, untouchable terms that dream so simple and fulfilling was snatched from her friends in a split second of pain, she felt her own heart break as well. She knew what that maternal desire was like. Losing a child would tear her apart. And then there was her best friend, who'd endured more than she ever should have had to…and now this. _This_. She couldn't even fathom Peyton's pain.

-x-

Nearly two hours later, Peyton had passed out once again, emotionally exhausted, and Lucas was sitting on Nathan and Haley's back steps, his head in his hands. He felt Brooke's presence beside him, caught her tucking her skirt underneath her as she sat out of the corner of his eye. She didn't say a word, simply placed a hand on his arm and squeezed lightly.

They stayed like that, in silence, for several moments before Lucas lifted his head. He didn't even try to disguise the fact that he'd been crying.

Brooke wrapped an arm around him, letting him lean into her. "It's hard," she said softly. "I know."

He let his eyes fall shut. "I was going to be a dad."

"I know," she repeated softly. "That's not over. You and Peyton can try again, and actually plan for your next child. I know that this hurts. This will always hurt. But you can get back from this, Lucas, you can still be the awesome father I've always known that you'd be."

He nodded. He knew all of that, it was just that this loss was like a knife in his chest. The memory of the day Peyton told him she was pregnant was burned into his brain forever, the sheer joy he'd felt mounting within him as he searched her apprehensive face to make sure that she wasn't playing some kind of crazy joke. He had been so happy. Now, he'd carry this day with him forever, too, with vastly different emotions attached to it. "I should've been here," he said, his voice rough and raw. "She shouldn't have had to have gone through all that alone."

"Oh, Luke," Brooke said sadly, hating that he'd even begin to blame himself. "Don't do that. There was no way _anyone_ could have seen this coming. You planned all your trips early in her pregnancy so that you could be there for her later. You did things right."

He choked on a sob that he refused to let escape. "She shouldn't have been alone all day, no matter what. She shouldn't have been so stubborn, she should've called you or Haley or my mom…_someone_ should have been with her."

Brooke pressed her lips together, unsure if she was even equipped to deal with her ex-boyfriend's grief. "We're not going to play the blame game. Nothing is anyone's fault. Yeah, we all wish we could have been there for her, but she was in shock, Luke. She didn't want to believe it, and you can't blame her for that. She was so excited about being a mom."

His throat constricted painfully. "Yeah."

"You need to hold on to one another, okay? I know that you two will be alright, but you need to deal with it all together. You're Lucas and Peyton. You can get through anything. But you also need to know that we are _all_ here for you. Forever."

Lucas sighed, letting her support a bit more of his weight, but making sure to hold back so as not to crush her. "Thank you."

"We love you, Luke. And one day you're going to have those beautiful, blonde babies, I know it. You'll never forget this baby, but you will love those kids with all your heart and that's what's going to count. You'll get there. I really do know it."

-x-

Haley and Brooke were sitting at the foot of the bed, talking quietly, when Peyton awoke for the second time. "Hey," she murmured, her voice gravelly.

"Hey, honey," they said at the same time, their voices soft and gentle.

"I made you soup," Haley said, attempting a smile.

"Not hungry," Peyton replied as she sat up, shaking her head.

"Don't give me that," Haley scolded kindly, her motherly instincts coming into play. "I called your doctor, who told me that you begged her to let you go home today instead of staying overnight at the hospital so they could keep an eye on you. So you better let me take care of you, okay?" She placed a tray on Peyton's lap and arranged her meal on it. "Eat up. Let's get you strong again."

Peyton felt as though she couldn't really breathe in. She felt Brooke's hand press against her forehead before she pushed the curls out of Peyton's face, resting her hand on her friend's cheek for a moment. "How're you doing?"

She shrugged, trying not to crack. "It's not the end of the world," she muttered.

Brooke's gaze was contemplative and worried. "But it feels like it, right?" she asked softly.

Peyton blinked quickly a few times, staring down into her soup. "Yeah," she whispered.

Haley's hand closed gently over Peyton's. "Can you talk to us?" she requested, her voice just as quiet as Brooke's had been.

She shrugged; suddenly she was shivering uncontrollably. "We were going to be parents. We were going to get married."

"Hey," Brooke said, reaching over to grab an extra blanket and wrapping it around Peyton's shoulders snugly. She placed a hand under Peyton's chin, forcing her head up so that their eyes met. "You're still getting married. And you'll still be parents."

Peyton's endless bank of tears proved once again to be bottomless as she started to cry yet again. "Nothing's the same now."

"Yeah, it is," Haley insisted, rubbing Peyton's arm lightly in an attempt to warm her up. "Listen to me. We still love you. Lucas still loves you so much. You're still going to make the most beautiful bride ever. You're still going to be an amazing mom." She shrugged. "Those things just might happen a little later than you'd thought before. And that's _okay_. I know that you're so hurt, and I know that I can't do anything to make it better…but this isn't the end of what you were going to have. You know that, right? That future is still yours."

A couple of her tears dripped into her soup. She felt responsible. She felt like she'd lost both her baby and her fiancé, and as though it were her own fault. She wanted to go back to three nights ago, when her room was filled with candles and Lucas had gently pushed her shirt up, giving her the warmest of smiles, placing soft kisses on her belly. She wanted that back so _bad_.

Looking at the food in front of her, she felt nauseous, and that brought a fresh batch of tears to her eyes. Morning sickness had proved to her that feeling like crap at five am wasn't all that bad when something…someone…was worth it. She wondered if she'd have an emotional breakdown every time she puked now. "I can't eat this, Hales," she whispered, pushing it away.

Brooke and Haley exchanged a worried look, aware that Peyton had noticed this but too busy attempting to communicate with their eyes to cover it up. Neither of them knew quite what to do.

"I'm gonna be fine," Peyton said. She tried to sound confident, but failed miserably.

Haley looked at her, her eyes shining with seriousness. "_Yes_," she said firmly. "You _are_."

BREAK!

Lucas joined her in the bed of the guest room later that evening, just as the sun was disappearing from the sky. He'd lost track of time, and only realized that night was approaching when it started to get dark. He didn't bother to turn on any lights in the room, simply crawled into bed with Peyton and pulled her close, kissing her cheek.

That gesture was all it took to get her crying again, and she shook in his arms as he tried to comfort her. He kissed her cheeks, her hair, her forehead, murmured nonsensically soothing words low in her ear, rubbed her back, hugged her tighter…everything he could do to try and help her feel better.

When she kissed him, her lips were rough and demanding against his, but she wasn't giving orders. It was a plea, one that stemmed from desperation to forget. He tried to pull away, tried to get her to talk to him, but she wouldn't have any of it. She crawled on top of him, settling her body seamlessly into his and kissed him passionately, taking breaks only to gasp for breath. "Please, Luke," she murmured tearfully and she pressed her lips to the side of his mouth, and he was powerless after that.

He tugged her sweatshirt off roughly, and she whimpered into the kiss when their lips met again. His hands curled around her hips, fingers digging into her skin, as she reached between them to unzip and unbutton his jeans, her hands pushing impatiently at the waist of them. When he didn't loosen his grip on her, she rocked her hips against his instead.

Lucas groaned, his grief fading away at the same rate the tears were drying on her cheeks. "Mm, God, Peyt," he murmured into her hair as she pressed kisses to his chest through the thin fabric of his t-shirt, her breath hot against his skin even through the material. He hooked his fingers into the waist of her pyjama pants, a borrowed pair of Haley's or Brooke's, and that was when she fell apart.

He felt her tears soaking through his shirt even though she hadn't quit her ministrations for a second. "Peyton," he said quietly, slipping a hand into her hair, and her body caved against his, her face buried in his shirt.

"I'm sorry," she wept. She wasn't hysterical, there was no screaming or sobbing, rather she cried quietly, heart-wrenching tears. "I'm so, so sorry…Lucas, God, I'm _sorry_."

Tears gathered in his eyes as well as he gently forced her head up so that she had to look him in the eye. "Don't say that. You have nothing to be sorry for."

A maverick sob escaped her lips as he applied light pressure to her head with the hand that was still in her hair, forcing her toward him until her forehead was resting against his.

"We'll be okay," he promised her, and she dropped her head to the crook of his neck.

"I wish I could believe you," she whispered, because it really did feel like this was the loss that would finally break her.


	11. Ten

**A/N:** Thank you for your reviews, you guys really are fantastic. I know that this story seems to be in a sort of one-step-forward-two-steps-back pattern right now, but it'll break out of that pretty soon. Thanks for reading.

**Ten:** September 14th, 2011; St. Flora, North Carolina

Lucas found Peyton sitting on a swing in the park, pushing herself back and forth with her feet buried in the gravel. He sat down on the swing next to hers, squinting in the sunlight. "What do you want from me, Peyt?" he asked tiredly. "I feel like I can't do anything right."

"I'm sorry," she sighed.

"It's okay. I've deserved that speech for years."

"No…not for yelling at you. You're right, you deserved that. I'm sorry for…everything that happened. I…I lost it, after I miscarried. I didn't want to deal with it. I guess I thought…that if I got pregnant again everything could go back to how it had been. I wasn't trying to replace our baby, I just…didn't know how to feel happy anymore. I don't know, I guess…I hated myself, so in a way I understood that you couldn't love me."

Lucas sighed as well. "Peyton…I never stopped loving you."

She shrugged. He'd left her for another woman, and she maintained that that had to mean something. "Maybe that's the truth."

"I mean it," he said forcefully. "You convinced yourself that I blamed you, but I didn't, of course I didn't."

Her eyes flooded. "I should have been more careful."

"Peyt," he whispered. "There was nothing that you could have done. You took good care of yourself. Things happen, miscarriages happen."

She looked over at him with wounded eyes. "The day I lost the baby…you were in New York." She blinked a few times. "Were you with her?"

Lucas wanted nothing more in that moment than to reach out and pull her into his arms, but he knew that she would have fought him off. "_No_. God, _no_. It was a couple months after we lost the baby that I started seeing Lindsey, but Peyton…I was never really _with_ her. I just…I needed somebody. You were a mess, and that was _okay_, but I just…you wouldn't talk to me or look at me and every time you took a pregnancy test that came out negative you fell apart again. Haley and Brooke were terrified for you, and Nathan was trying to keep everything else on track…I just felt so alone."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," she whispered.

"I can't tell you how ashamed I am of what I did, Peyt. I would have ended it with her in an instant, all I needed was…it wasn't even that I needed you to be there for me, babe. I just needed you to let me be there for you."

"I know that…now. But I was such a mess then, you know? And then my dad…and you came back to take care of me. And then you left again – we weren't together anymore, so you didn't have a reason to stay. And then…then there was this time when everything seemed like it could be okay, but nothing really mattered without you. Maybe that's pathetic, maybe I'm pathetic, but I wanted you next to me when my dreams came true." Her hands had a death grip on the linked chains of metal that held up the swing.

"I should've stayed," he said quietly. Larry Sawyer had died eight days after Lucas moved to New York, and he'd rushed back without a second thought to be with her. For the first time since they'd lost their child, she'd let him in, let him take care of her. He'd known that if he stayed, they might have been able to find their way back. But he was too stubborn, he valued his pride too much. Two days after the funeral, he flew back to New York. He placed one of his hands over hers, leaning toward her. "I am so, _so_ sorry about Lindsey."

Peyton's smile came and went in the space of a millisecond. "I know you are. Neither one of us was thinking straight."

He cupped his hand around hers and left it there. "Why did you come here? I know you wanted to see your brother…but why not go back to L.A. and conquer the music business? Why not go to New York and study art?" He had a vague sense of hope that made him believe that, had she come to New York, they would have run into each other and had another chance to salvage what remained of their relationship.

She looked at him sadly. He didn't understand exactly how big of a mess she'd been. She sighed, preparing to make her confession. She would rather that he heart it from her instead of Haley of Brooke. "I feel apart. A year after my dad died…I got back into drugs. I know, it was so stupid, but I…guess I'd kind of given up." Her eyes danced with regret as she looked at him. "I overdosed."

Lucas' grasp on her hand tightened to the point where it became painful, but Peyton didn't say a word. She watched apprehensively as emotions flickered across his face. "You…were you trying to kill yourself?" he asked shakily.

"Luke, honestly…I don't know. But I scared the hell out of Brooke. The doctors insisted that I meet with a shrink several times before I left the hospital, and that I seek treatment afterward…Brooke was on a rampage. She kept talking about famous doctors and proven therapies and excellent medication…she wanted to send me to rehab in all these different places: Tuscany, the mountains of India, California, some remote town in Switzerland…" She shook her head as she trailed off. "That wasn't me. The last time I broke, you saved me. I needed something like that again, so I came here. Derek got me back on my feet faster than any team of professionals would have."

Lucas' thumb ran lightly over her knuckles again and again. He couldn't think of a way to say what he felt, so he just opened his mouth and let words spill out. "You," he began, his voice deep, almost threatening, "are _not_ allowed to go _anywhere_."

She turned to look directly at him, her eyes soft, and said pointedly, "Neither are you."

-x-

Haley and Brooke at together on the steps of the back porch, wrapped in a plaid blanket as they drank tea and watched their children throw leaves at each other, ducking behind trees and giggling.

"This is a good place for kids," Haley mused as she took a sip from her mug.

"Yeah…" Brooke agreed. She grinned. "I should've hooked up with Derek."

Haley laughed lightly, clapping a hand over her mouth to keep from spitting tea everywhere. "You know, I can almost see that working."

"Then we would've all been related. Lucas and Peyton would've eventually gotten it together, and so you and Peyton would be sisters-in-law…and so would Peyton and I, which would technically make _you_ and I sisters-in-law…

Haley smiled. "It would have been pretty perfect." She sighed. "He was a good guy."

Brooke nodded. "Yeah, he was. Best brother a girl could've asked for. He took good care of her."

"He was her rock, you know? I think he was the one person she honestly expected not to leave."

"She told me once that she thought about it, what she would do if anything ever happened to him."

"And?" Haley prodded.

Brooke shook her head sadly. "She said that Derek was all she had left. She knows that we love her, but Peyton needs…stability. You and Nathan have your adorable little family and your own personal drama, I've got Lucy and so much work…she needs people who are permanent, everyday constants in her life."

Haley frowned. "She must know that all of us would drop anything in an instant to be there for her, even if it meant big changes."

"She knows. But she never wants to ask us for that."

As Haley absorbed her friends words, she continued watching as Jamie chased Lucy around. The little girl dove into a small pile of leaves, laughing angelically. "Look at that girl," Haley murmured.

Brooke bit back a proud smile. "I know."

Haley shook her head in amazement. "God, she's like Peyt at that age."

Brooke's smile was bittersweet. "It's the way she smiles, you know? Just like Peyton did before Anna died."

"Hey!" Lucy cried indignantly when Jamie stole some leaves from _her_ pile. She planted both hands on her hips, lifting her chin in the air as she informed him that he was _not_ supposed to steal from girls.

The women watching them laughed.

"Okay, I take it back," Haley giggled. "That's all you." She glanced over at Brooke. "Do you ever think about how differently our lives could have turned out?"

"Yeah, sure. There are so many moments that I can think of when everything changed. Turning points. But most of all, I find myself thinking about what my life would be like if I'd never met any of you." Her phone beeped, announcing that she needed to get ready to go, and she sighed. "Or if I'd never started a clothing line."

Haley smiled. "I'll miss you."

"I'll be back in a few days. Derek's death was the saddest thing, but being back here with you guys…it's felt right. This is the way I want to live. You are the people I want Luce to grow up around."

The stood up together, shrugging the blanket off of their shoulders. Haley took it and folded it neatly.

"Come on, honey bug," Brooke called. "It's time for us to finish packing up. We've got to go to the airport soon."

Lucy pouted. She'd learned the art of the Brooke Davis pout very early in life, and she used it whenever necessary. "I wanna stay!"

Brooke shrugged. "You don't _have_ to come, honey, I told you that. You can stay here with Aunt Haley if you want."

She considered it for a second before shaking her head. "No, I want to come with you." She gave Jamie a big hug, the kind only little kids can give, free of inhibitions. She ran over and Brooke scooped her up.

"Okay, honey, let's get you all ready," she said, tickling her daughter and planting kisses on her cheeks. She loved her work, and she loved her friends, but she loved being a mom more than anything else.

"Mama!" Jamie called from the yard. "Will you come play with me?"

Haley grinned at him. Brooke was right, this time in St. Flora, away from their normally hectic lives, had been good for them all. It had been too long since she'd tackled her son into a pile of leaves. "Of course I will," she said.

-x-

Their hands had been locked together since they'd sat on the swings, and they remained that way as they walked back toward the Sawyer/Sommers home.

Peyton could tell that Lucas was still shaken up by what she'd told him earlier. Though she definitely hated to hurt him, the smallest part of him was happy to see his reaction. Wrong as that part of her may have been, it reinforced how much he did love her.

That, out of all the things in the world, was worth living for.

"Where's your head? What're you thinking about?" Lucas asked as he studied her in his peripheral vision. She looked reflective.

Peyton shrugged. "Nothing."

"Nothing?" Lucas asked skeptically.

"Everything," she amended softly. "Where do we go from here?"

He thought back to the kitchen that morning, the seriousness and encouragement in Haley's eyes as she told him to do it all over, to be happy. "I think…we try again. I think we _start_ again."

"We've known each other forever," she argued. "How do we know where to go back to?"

He smiled at her. "You pick."

She scowled. "Way to forgo your responsibility. _You_ pick."

"Nope. I trust you to make the right decision."

His words touched her, and just like that, an idea popped into her head. "Will you come with me somewhere?"

"Of course I will."

"Okay. Good." She grinned. "Get your cell phone out. We need to call a cab."

-x-

"Snacks for the trip!" Haley announced, holding out two Ziploc bags. One was packed with kid-friendly treats, chocolate and a banana and gummy bears. The other contained an a few chocolate covered strawberries, a croissant, and some cherry tomatoes.

"Aw, Hales, you are the sweetest thing ever," Brooke gushed, accepting the snacks and giving her friend a bone-crushing hug. "You ready to go, Nate?" she asked as she pulled back.

"I'm getting a little tired of being your chauffeur," he sighed. "But yes, of course I am."

"Nathan, come on. Brooke doesn't need to waste money on a cab when you can just as easily drive her to the airport."

"_Waste_ money?" Nathan spluttered. "The woman's a millionaire!"

Brooke grinned. "Well, now you get a better Christmas present." She glanced at the clock. "Where are those star-crossed kids? I've got to get out of here."

Haley shrugged. "Peyton left her cell phone here, and Luke's not picking up. It went straight to voicemail, like he was on the phone or something."

"Well, they better get here soon, because we want goodbye hugs, don't we, Luce?" Brooke turned around when she didn't get a response. "Lucy?" she called out into the house. She'd been sure her daughter was right behind her.

Haley looked down at her son, who was leaning against her leg, weary after a day of playing. "Where'd your cousin go, bud?"

He shrugged, and Brooke sighed, turning to head upstairs. "Lucy Elizabeth! Honey, we have to go!"

-x-

Peyton was biting back a smile as she paid the driver and pulled Lucas about of the taxi.

"Peyton…" he began, staring up at the shopping mall she'd brought him to. He was glad to see her smiling, but he looked around in total confusion. "I don't really understand what we're doing here."

"Shut up and follow me," she laughed, dragging him past store after store. He followed her willingly, so automatically that when she stopped abruptly he kept walking and she had to pull him back.

"Peyt…" He watched as she studied the stores around them to see if she was heading in the right direction; she clearly had a destination in mind.

She gave him that smile that had been melting his heart since they were little kids. "This way," she announced, veering right, and off they went again.

Peyton paused once more to admire a pair of vibrantly pink heels in the window of a boutique that looked fairly pricey.

"_Seriously_?" Lucas chuckled incredulously, unable to believe that she would leave him in suspense.

She giggled, leaning up to nibble on his ear, pressing her body flush against his. Lucas was shocked by her blatant flirtation, but by no means displeased. "Picture me in those shoes…and nothing else."

His eyes widened almost comically, and Peyton smirked before pulling him after her once again. She was filled with a bubbly kind of optimism she hadn't felt in years. Yes, there were still the shadows of heartbreak from the loss of their baby and Lucas' affair. They way she'd let their relationship fade away still haunted her, as did his refusal to try harder, to fight more. There were still things that she needed to say to him. But Lucas was offering her a fresh start, and at this moment it seemed possible. It would be easy for her to fall in love with him again, because she had never really fallen _out_ of love with him.

"Here we are," Peyton declared, releasing his hand and standing squarely in front of him.

Lucas grinned widely, looking at what was behind her. "Oh, you're good."

She pulled gently on the collar of his shirt, her fingers toying with the material. You told me once how much that day meant to you, how you thought you'd stolen someday else's wish." She smiled softly at the memory of the sweet story he'd once told her. She'd practically jumped him afterward.

Lucas gazed softly at her, resting her hands on her hips. He remembered that day just as well. They'd spent the entire day curled up in bed together. It was the perfect afternoon. Peyton had told him that she was pregnant only three days before, and they'd just needed to spend some time together. Peyton had displayed so much emotion in that afternoon that it was staggering, everything from tears to boisterous laughter, from soft mewls and gaps of pleasure to sultry secrets and fearful confessions whispered in his ear. He'd known that day that she trusted him completely with her heart, and he hated thinking back on it now, knowing that he'd let her down.

"So, Lucas Scott," Peyton whispered, giving him a chance to try again. "We're at our beginning. What are you going to do about it?"

He knew exactly what he was going to do. He leaned in and pressed his lips softly against hers. He pushed his body lightly against hers until she could no longer handle his weight and she toppled backwards.

Her mouth broken from his long enough for her to gaps loudly, but there was no time for anything else before they were submerged in the water. Lucas cradled the back of her head in his hand to keep her from smacking her skull against the unforgiving tiles that lined the bottom of the fountain.

"Lucas!" she cried out indignantly, pulling her soaked hair up off of her shoulders. She hadn't meant that they needed to re-enact the entire event. She was older and sadder and…and then he grinned sheepishly at her just as he had when he was ten years old, and her heart stopped for a second and she couldn't stay angry with him after that.

She moved closer to him in the water, ignoring the stares of those around them.

Lucas shivered when she touched him. Their soaked clothing was thinner than it naturally was, leaving less to the imagination. Peyton kissed him, her tongue seeking access to his mouth. "Mm," Lucas growled deep in his throat.

Peyton pulled back, blushing, her cheeks red and covered in droplets of water. "That's what you wanted, wasn't it?" she asked quietly. His arms circled around her, tucking her into the place where she'd always felt safe.

He kissed the water droplets off of her cheeks and neck, his lips soft against her skin. "I am _so_ buying you those shoes," he said huskily.

She threw back her head as she laughed, and her heart soared sky high.

-x-

Haley's heart rate picked up the moment she heard the front door open, and her heart plummeted to her stomach when she heard Peyton laughing. That was such a rare occurrence recently, to hear the sound of Peyton's laughter.

She dried off her hands, tossing the dishtowel to the side, and glanced into the living room, where Jamie was still playing quietly, looking a little shell-shocked. "I love you, buddy," she told him softly.

The moment she saw Lucas and Peyton things got harder still. They were chuckling, clinging to one another, Peyton gazing up at Lucas lovingly. His arm was around her waist and she had a shopping bag from an expensive store in her hand.

"Well, well, well," Haley remarked faintly, leaning against the doorframe and trying to smile. "Déjà vu."

Lucas grinned bashfully. "You told us to start over."

Peyton, however, had stopped smiling. She set down her bag, studying her friend worriedly. "What's wrong, Haley?" She noticed the quiet of the house. "Did Brooke have to leave early?"

Haley sighed. "I need to tell you something."

Peyton frowned. "Okay."

"Maybe we should sit down," she suggested.

Lucas tightened his grip around her waist, preparing to hold her up if necessary. He knew she wouldn't move, wouldn't wait to sit down to hear whatever it was.

"Haley," was all Peyton said.

Their old friend ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath. "Nathan and Brooke took Lucy to the hospital."

Just when Peyton though she had all the hope in the world…the world fell out from under her feet.


	12. Eleven

**A/N**: Your response to this story is great, thank you so much. Again, I just need to point out that I have pretty limited medical knowledge; if anything within this chapter seems unrealistic, that would be why. Sorry about the overload of tragedy – I'll try to make my next flashback chapter fluff instead of drama. Oh, and this chapter is 7200 words…I hope you enjoy it, 'cause there's a lot to it. Read and review, please.

**Eleven: **May 19th, 2002; Tree Hill, North Carolina

"_Luke_!" His name left her lips as a desperately relieved plea, rising above the screams of their fellow students to reach his ears.

He stared at the scene in front of him in horror. He was vaguely aware of his brother behind him, demanding to know what was happening.

"Brooke…" Lucas reached out to her, running his hands comfortingly up and down her arms. She was shaking.

"Luke," she repeated, tears spilling onto her cheeks. He kept steady eye contact with her, silently encouraging her to inform him of what was going on.

She lifted one of her trembling hands and pointed back toward the school. She couldn't control the frantic note in her voice, "Somebody's got a gun."

"What?" Nathan cried, his words packed with shock.

Lucas pulled Brooke into his arms. Their relationship had been strained and unstable lately, but he didn't think he'd ever loved her quite as much as he did right now; he was so thankful to have her safe and in his arms.

Brooke fought out of his embrace. "Lucas, you have to listen to me…"

He squinted at her. "What is it, Brooke?"

She cast one last, hopeful glance toward the school, but she didn't see a single flash of curly blonde hair. "I lost Peyton," she sobbed. "there was a gun, and a shot, and…and now I can't find her and Luke, oh my God, what if…"

"Shh, shh," he said immediately, pulling her back into a hug. His mind went into overdrive and his heart began to race. Peyton. _Peyton_.

There was really only one viable option. He dropped a kiss on her forehead and handed her over to Nathan, who hugged her automatically. "I'll be back," Lucas promised, and bolted toward the school.

"Lucas!" Brooke shrieked, moving as if to follow him, but Nathan held her tightly.

"He'll be fine," Nathan said, trying to calm her down. Luke was an idiot for running into a school with a gunman within it, but in a way, Nathan understood. They couldn't just leave Peyton in there.

That thought sparked another in his mind. He placed his hands on Brooke's shoulder. "Hey. Look at me." After she took in a breath of air, he asked seriously, "Where's Haley?"

-x-

It occurred to Lucas, as he ran through the school as quietly as he could, trying not to breathe too loudly, that he should have asked Brooke where she had last seen Peyton.

As he peered around a corner apprehensively, his heart pounding in his chest, he wished for some sort of connective intuition that would direct him to her. He couldn't imagine a world without Peyton Sawyer. The majority of the significant moments in his life involved her presence. She was his first kiss, for fuck's sake. One of his best friends. Only sixteen and had experienced more than her fair share of tragedy. She could not die.

He walked briskly but quietly down the hall toward the library, looking for any signs of anyone. The school was filled with an eerie, deadly silence. "Please, no," he whispered into the hallway, which reeked with a sense of doom.

His foot slid against the floor. He caught his balance to avoid falling down into the pile of glass under his feet. He looked down, expecting to see water. It never occurred to him that it would be blood, crimson liquid spreading across the floor, speckled all over the glass.

Lucas felt a surge of panic as he eyed the uneven trail of blood leading into the library, so powerful that he was left breathless.

He couldn't lose her. He wouldn't allow it.

But what if he lost her?

-x-

They'd all been sent into the gym while heads were counted and parents waiting outside anxiously, demanding answers. There were fifteen students unaccounted for.

Nathan had wrapped his coat around Brooke, and she was clutching it tightly around her shoulders. She hadn't said much since they'd stepped into the gym, still in shock from losing her friend and seeing her boyfriend disappear back into a building she feared.

Brooke's parents lived in California, and their idea of love consisted of throwing money at her. There wasn't anyone outside weeping for her, but that didn't matter – she had much bigger things to worry about. Like where the hell Haley was. Or whether or not Lucas was still inside. And if her lifelong best friend was alive.

"I can't do it," she whispered, as the coloured lines on the wooden floor blurred before her eyes.

"What?" he asked.

"I…I can't _be_. Not without any of them."

"You won't have to be," Nathan promised her, wishing that he could guarantee that fact. "You won't."

His mother was out of town, but he'd called his father to put his mind at ease. Dan, as mayor of Tree Hill and a member of the school board, was just outside consulting with police and town officials. He had his hands full, so when Nathan asked to stay in the gym, Dan didn't object.

Nathan wanted to stay there in the midst of the action – he'd never been comfortable on the sidelines. He also didn't want to leave Brooke, who didn't have a parent to come and sign her out.

He thought about Peyton. The way her lips felt against his under the summer sun, the way it felt to wake up with her blonde curls tickling her nose, the warmth in her hugs – something that had not changed as they went from friends to lovers and back again. And then he thought of what an ass of a boyfriend he'd been to her, the hurt in her eyes that she tried to hide from him, all the girls he'd cheated with. God, he had to have a chance to apologize for that.

All of a sudden his mind was flooded with regret. All of the times he'd put Lucas down, called him a bastard, rubbed his face in the fact that _he_ had gotten the girl while Luke had been to scared to go for it. He thought of all the times he'd been a jerk to Haley, mocking her wardrobe and intelligence and coordination…everything. For some reason, tears sprang into his eyes as he thought about that stupid, ugly poncho of hers. He would give pretty much anything to see her wearing it again.

"It's okay." Brooke's voice, soft and close to his ear, shocked him back to reality. She laid her hand gently on his cheek.

"I'm…"

She sighed. "Me too, Nathan."

"I've been such an ass to all of them."

Brooke regarded him sadly. "No, Nathan…they're your friends. They love you."

Nathan looked young and lost when he met her eyes. "But what if they don't know that I love them back?"

-x-

Haley shivered as she pulled her knees up to her chest. It was normally so warm in the tutor centre that she'd thought it was her mind playing tricks on her, convincing her that it was cold. But as she looked around the room, filled with about a dozen others, she saw that her friends and classmates had goosebumps as well. Their fear had turned the room's atmosphere to ice.

She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. She felt nauseous. Lucas and Nathan, she knew, were safe – their bus hadn't even arrived when the gunshot had echoed through the halls. She clung to that thought.

It scared her to think of Brooke and Peyton. Her best girl friends, her confidantes. She'd parted way with them maybe two minutes before the shot rang through her ears. A shot that had sounded from the direction in which she'd last seen Peyton and Brooke.

It had just been so normal. Haley teased Brooke about the length of her skirt, recommended a new CD to Peyton. Brooke acted offended, Peyton made a moody remark – she'd been a little off lately, still reeling from her breakup with Nathan. Haley's last words had been, "I gotta jet. I'll see you later, slut, broody bitch." She'd been joking and they knew that – they'd given her warm smiles before they linked arms with one another and turned to walk in the opposite direction. Still, Haley wished she'd hugged them. She couldn't picture a world without those two, and she wished she'd told them that.

She couldn't stay stuck in her own head any longer. "You can take this back," she said softly. She'd known him – he was one of Lucas' old buddies from junior high. He'd had a very obvious crush on her that Brooke had often teased her about. "Jimmy…you can take this back."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm _not_. This really isn't that bad. You turn yourself in and things can be okay."

"Listen to her," Mouth McFadden interjected from the other side of the room. He was another one of Luke's basketball buds, a genuinely sweet kid who used to be one of Jimmy's best friends.

"You don't have a record," Haley said softly. "You might not even have to go to jail."

"_Please_!" scoffed some jock, one of Nathan's friends that she'd never liked. "The guy shot someone!"

"He didn't!" Mouth protested, swallowing hard. "D-did…_did_ you?"

Jimmy looked just as shaken up as his hostages did. "Maybe," he muttered.

That was all Haley could take. She burst into tears, her breath coming out in short gasps.

"Haley…" Skills, Lucas' best friend outside their small circle, hopped off a desk and made his way over to her.

"They were _right there_," Haley gasped out as Skills sat down beside her on the floor. "P-Peyton and Brooke, they were right there…"

Skills slung an arm around her shoulders, but he didn't say a word. Haley peeked up at him and saw that he was staring seriously at Jimmy's pale face. She knew what he was thinking: if anything happened to either of those girls, the Scott brothers would be on the warpath.

Haley wished those boys were there with her. Lucas was reasonable and Nathan was authoritative – maybe they could have figured out how to reach Jimmy. Aside from that, the selfish part of her wanted them there even more. Lucas, with his constant need to rescue, and Nathan…Nathan Scott had hugged her maybe once in the entirety of their lives, but there was something comforting and grounding about being wrapped up in his arms.

She could really use one of those hugs.

-x-

Peyton rested her head back against the bookshelf she was sitting in front of. She was cold, and she couldn't seem to take breaths deep enough to get her all the air she needed. Her leg hurt, God, her leg _hurt_. It was physical pain like she'd never felt it before. It was bleeding pretty badly, but she didn't know exactly why. Her head was spinning too much for her to get a good look at it.

She hoped with all her heart that her friends were okay. Brooke had been right there with her, and then in a flash, she was gone.

Sucking in another shallow breath, Peyton squeezed her eyes shut. Her life wasn't exactly flashing before her eyes of anything, but her mind was racing and she kept catching glimpses of important moments, memories that mattered to her.

Her lazy, inconsistent train of thought stopped abruptly when she heard the door open and close, the approach of someone's footsteps, heavy yet hesitant.

She sucked in some air and bit down hard on her lower lip to keep from whimpering. This was it, the end of Peyton Sawyer. Tragic ending to an unpleasant story.

It was only when the person turned the corner that she couldn't hold back any longer, and a strangled scream escaped her.

Her heart almost stopped when she realized that the person standing above her…was _Luke_.

Lucas gaped at her, indescribably relieved to find her, and watched as her expression morphed from horror to shock to sheer relief before her face crumpled into the one he knew always appeared right before she burst into tears.

"_Hey_," he said softly, falling to his knees next to her. Instantly and automatically, one of his hands lifted up to rest at the nape of her neck, his fingers tangling in her hair. His other hand fell onto her knee, right above the growing stain caused by the blood seeping through the denim of her jeans, which he stared at in horror.

Both her voice and her attempted smile were weak. "That bad, huh?"

"No," he said immediately. "It's okay, Peyt," he soothed, stroking her hair. "You're going to be okay."

"You don't know that," she whispered. Before he could argue, a tear leaked out of her eye as she said, "Luke, I…I lost Brooke. I'm so sorry."

"Shh," he said, settling himself to sit next to her, leaning back against the bookshelf. "She's fine. I just saw her, Peyton, she's fine."

"W-what about…"

"Nate's fine, too," he gently cut her off.

She sucked in air so painfully that it frightened him. "Haley?"

"I…I haven't seen her today."

"Oh, God, Luke –"

"Shh," he said yet again, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "I was just out there. No one's storming around crazily. It's quiet. Haley will be okay. She's smart," he said decisively, needing to reassure himself as well.

Peyton shook her head. She wanted to be optimistic, but there was someone in the school with a gun and her leg ached like she couldn't believe. "Intelligence doesn't stop a bullet, Luke," she said wearily.

He glanced down at her leg, his brow furrowing in concern. "Yeah…" he muttered.

She placed her hand over his, which was still resting on her knee. "You should get out of here. You never know…"

Lucas stared at her incredulously, tightening his arm around her. "There is no way in hell that I'm leaving this room without you."

She felt torn. She didn't want him to leave her, she really didn't She didn't want to be alone, and Lucas seemed like the best possible person to have with her right now. But at the same time… "I want you to be safe,' she whispered.

He pulled her closer still, placing his hand on side of her head as she leaned against him. "Well, Miss Sawyer, I want _you_ to be safe. But since there doesn't seem to be any chance of that happening, I guess we're both stuck here."

Peyton pressed her face into his shoulder, inhaling his Lucas-y smell and trying to ignore the agonizing pain in her leg, just for a moment. "I'm scared," she admitted.

He pressed his lips against the crown of her head, subtly eyeing her bloody calf. "I know, babe," he replied, the affectionate term falling from his lips before he could even think about it. "But I am not going to let anything happen to you."

With her hand still resting against his shoulder, she squeezed her eyes shut. His protective streak was endearing but in this case, unrealistic. "You can't save me from everything."

Tears rose into his eyes in a split second, sobs rising as well to clog his throat up. "But you gotta let me try, okay?"

Her eyes felt so heavy. "Lucas, if –"

"Peyt. Stop."

She blew out a breath. "I'm just so tired, so…cold."

Her words made Lucas shiver as well, and he wracked his brain for everything he'd ever learned about first aid. "You're gonna have to sit up for me, okay? I need to put some pressure on your leg." He eased her weight off of him, choosing to ignore how glassy her eyes were. "And I need you to stay awake –"

"Lucas," she protested, her voice small and vulnerable.

"C'mon, Peyton. For me, please? Talk to me – tell me about something good."

She swallowed hard as he undid the buttons of his shirt. "Do you remember…two years ago, when we were fourteen…you mom went on that trip?"

"Yeah," he agreed with a soft smile, shrugging off his blue button-down.

"You wanted to prove to her that you were an _adult_. So you convinced her to leave you alone…just for that one night. Karen was so nervous about it, but you…you got Haley to write out that persuasive argument for you."

He grinned at the memory, positioning his shirt around her leg. He blushed a little, because he was nervous, and because he knew what came next in the story.

"But you couldn't do it. You got scared. Y –" Peyton stopped short with a sharp intake of breath as he made contact with the bleeding portion of her lower left leg.

"Keep going," Lucas encouraged her. "Take deep breaths; focus on what you're saying."

"You got scared," she repeated to get herself back on track. "So you left in the middle of the night because you thought a burglar was going to come in and smother you or something…and you came over. My dad was home, so you climbed up the tree and practically dove into my window. You got into bed with me, and you were so cold, but it was still warmer with you there. And then…then you couldn't fall back asleep, you wouldn't let me, either. You kept telling –" She stopped, whimpering as he tightened his shirt around her leg.

"Almost done," Lucas comforted her. "You're doing so good. Keep going. I kept telling you stupid jokes, remember? They were only funny because I was so tired. You got so cranky and cute."

Peyton took over again. "And then I got my ipod and we each took an earbud and we put on Dashboard and listened to it for hours, whispering lyrics. And then a car backfired outside, and you jumped like…like it was a gunshot." Her skin looked very pale all of a sudden.

Lucas finished up, and they settled back into their original position. She was grateful to be able to lean against him again. "But it wasn't," he said quietly. "And you hugged me until my heart slowed down again, and then we got so hot. So we threw your comforter on the floor and just laid on that with a fan pointing at us. That's where we fell asleep."

She smiled faintly. "The way you fell asleep that night was so sweet, with your head tucked against my chest in the most innocent way." She glanced up at him through her eyelashes. "That was the first time you ever let me protect you, instead of the other way around."

She fell silent after that, and Lucas rubbed her arm lightly in an attempt to keep her warm. "Yeah," he sighed. "Keep going. Tell me something more."

"I can't," she said drowsily, shivering in his arms. "I just can't."

He knew that she was trying her hardest, and that was all he could ask of her with a bullet in her leg. She let him support more and more of her weight, and panic was setting in, but he was determined not to let it take over.

"You talk to me instead," Peyton murmured. She wanted to hear his voice.

He smiled. "You have always taken care of me, Peyton. I never want you to think otherwise."

"Luke," she cooed, lifting her head to look him in the eye.

"Yeah?" he whispered.

She took a deep breath, her chest rising and falling with the effort. "Lucas, I…I need you to know that I love you."

His smiled stayed in place. "I love you, too. But you don't need to start saying stuff like that."

"No, Luke, I do because I…I don't mean it like that. I mean more than that."

His eyes widened the slightest bit as he reached up to touch her cheek. "Peyt," he began tenderly, and then her lips were pressed against his.

It was a fireworks-behind-the-eyelids kind of kiss, but it didn't last for more than two seconds before she was pulling away in need of air.

"I'm sorry," she gasped out, and there were bright red splotches on her cheeks, whether from embarrassment or something physically wrong, he did not know.

"Don't be," he insisted. "Never be sorry."

Lucas pulled her toward him until their foreheads rested together. She sighed, her eyes fluttering closed. "I'm so tired."

He knew what she wasn't saying. "Okay." He let her slip down into his arms, curling up against his chest. Her breaths slowed into a more relaxed pattern as he did some quick thinking.

"Just hold on for a little longer, okay?" he whispered into her hair. "I'm going to get you out of here."

-x-

Nathan got a text message from his father telling him that they'd identified the gunman and that it would all be over soon.

Brooke was leaning wearily against him, his lightweight jacket draped over her body. She was mess. In the time they'd been trapped in the gym, she'd flipped out at two different reporters, sobbed over Haley, Lucas, and Peyton, and tearfully ranted about how she'd never taken the time or made the effort to get to know everyone in the school, and now she never would.

Externally, Nathan was holding it together, but he was really as much of a wreck as she was. He was worried. He was worried, and it was eating him up.

"Who's that from?" Brooke asked softly. Her face felt stiff from all the tears she'd cried.

He flipped his phone closed and tucked it back in his pocket. "My dad. He said it'll all be over soon."

Brooke scoffed, glancing over at the reporters on the other side of the gymnasium. It was far from over.

She sat up and ran her fingers through her hair. She thought about all the work she'd done that morning to make sure she looked fantastic. It all seemed so trivial now. "How are you doing, Nate?"

He gave her a half smile. "Not so great."

She mirrored his smile. "Thank you for being so brave. But you don't have to be."

"I know, I just…y'know?" He looked over at her with gloomy eyes.

Brooke patted his knee comfortingly. "I know."

Nathan's cell beeped again, and he jumped to his feet when he read the message. "Lockdown's off. People are coming out of the school."

Both he and Brooke were out of that gym in seconds, but stopped short just feet outside the door. The first sight they laid eyes on when the finally stepped outside was Lucas, surrounded by what looked like a SWAT team, handing Peyton's limp body over to one of the men.

"_Peyton_," Brooke gasped out, grasping Nathan's arm.

He was frozen in place, his mind blank except for the steady repetition of _no no no no no no no no no_…

They watched silently as the men, dressed in black with helmets and guns, tackled Lucas to the ground and frisked him. One bent down to talk to Luke, nodded a few times, and gave his men some sort of signal to back off.

The moment Lucas was on his feet again, Brooke was rushing toward him, calling out his name as tears pooled in her eyes and streaked down her cheeks. She flung herself into his arms, sobbing, and felt his hand come up to cradle the back of your head, his faint murmur of, "It's okay, I've got you," into her hair.

She knew she probably should have been comforting him, but she was falling apart and nothing was how it should have been. She clutched handfuls of the fabric of his shirt. "Is she…?" she whispered.

Lucas rubbed his girlfriend's back. "She's still breathing. Still has a pulse."

He didn't say _She's fine, babe, of course she's fine_, and Brooke knew what that meant. She let her hands skim all over his torso. "And you, are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Lucas!" Karen's anguished voice came from a few feet away, in the crowd of parents the police were keeping a specific distance from the school. Brooke felt a sudden surge of guilt for keeping the mother and son apart, and stepped aside without question to let him go to his mother.

She watched as he walked away, stepped into his mother's warm embrace. Brooke crossed her arms, hugging herself. She knew that in moments Karen would call her over for a hug as well, because that was the kind of person she was. But for now, Brooke turned, shivering fearfully as the ambulance squealed out of the school parking lot, sirens on, taking her best friend away. She glanced back at her boyfriend, who was shaking in Karen's arms. She'd been having problems with Lucas for a while now, and their dynamics had been slowly shifting, but this day had dropped a bomb on their relationship. Lucas had tried to save her best friend, and she would love him forever for that fact…but grief had turned his eyes in another shade of blue, one that contained more hints of green, and she knew that whatever Lucas and Peyton had said to one another in that library had changed their relationship…or may have very well ended it.

She'd seen a breakup coming, and she'd been dreading it. But she hadn't wanted it to be the result of guns and rescue missions, and a single hour spent apart that had changed them forever. Because right now, she needed her boyfriend more than ever.

"Haley!" Nathan yelled, a few feet away from Brooke, when he saw the final member of their group emerge from the building, shocked and reeling, but _alive_.

Haley's whole body was flooded with relief the moment she saw Nathan, who called out her name. She ran toward him and into his arms without thinking about it. She had a million questions, but right now she just really needed a hug.

And his hug was all she could have hoped for, strong and supportive enough to hold her up for a moment. They kept their arms wrapped around each other when they pulled back to make eye contact. Haley took a deep breath, preparing to ask about their other friends, when all of a sudden, Nathan was kissing her.

She was so shocked that she tried to pull back, but he wouldn't let her, pulling her closer and moving his lips against hers with gentle insistence. She could do nothing but give in, because it felt like everything she needed. She clung to him just as desperately, standing on the tips of her toes to give him better access to her mouth.

Nathan pulled away to kiss her cheek, the side of her mouth, and she sighed from both exhaustion and contentment. "Thank God you're okay," he murmured against her lips.

Brooke's eyebrows went sky high when she turned to walk over to Nathan and Haley and saw them involved in some serious liplock. Nothing ever would truly be the same, but she figured that there had to be a point when things would stop surprising her.

-x-

The waiting room at the ER was crowded. Karen sat next to her son, her hand resting supportively on his knee as she pressed her lips together worriedly. Larry had been contacted, but he was still far away. For now, she was acting as Peyton's guardian.

On Lucas' other side was Brooke, who couldn't seem to sit still. She had tears in her eyes, but not a single one had slipped out since the group of them had arrived there. She and Lucas were holding hands, but their grasp was weak and halfheartedly. Still, neither of them seemed willing to let go.

Nathan and Haley shared the one remaining chair. She was sitting on his lap, her head tucked into his shoulder. Nathan was rubbing her back, and she had to struggle to keep her eyes open. The intensity of the emotion she'd felt in that single hour and fifteen minutes had worn her out.

"Miss Roe?" a doctor asked, approaching them. She looked just as shaken up as every other member of the town did by the revelation that someone had entered the local high school with a gun that morning. The shooter had committed suicide. The doctor and her team had worked valiantly to make sure that his would be the only death that came out of the school that day. She looked at the row of sad, broken eyes staring back at her and was relieved that they'd been successful. These kids looked like they were falling apart, and she wasn't going to make them wait any longer. "She's going to be fine."

A collective sigh of relief washed over them. The two kids sitting on a chair together rested their foreheads together, Karen wiped away a couple stray tears, and the brunette pressed a hand to her mouth, sinking down in her chair. The blonde boy rested his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands.

The doctor crouched down in front of him. "You took very good care of her," she said softly. "She has you to thank."

He glanced up at her through piercing blue eyes, smiling his thanks for her words. "Is she going to wake up soon?"

"Half an hour or so. A few days of rest, some physical therapy, and then she'll be the girl you know and love again."

"Thank you," Karen replied, and her words were echoed by the group of teenagers she sat with.

When the doctor walked away, Karen stood and extended both hands to Brooke, who was shaking. "Come on, honey, let's go get you cleaned up," she said soothingly. "Peyton's fine, she'll open her eyes in no time."

Brooke accepted her hands with a grateful smile directed up at the woman who had always mothered her, and let Karen lead her away so that she could take a few breaths and wash her face.

Haley shifted off of Nathan's lap to give him a break, taking Brooke's chair. She gazed at her best friend worriedly before gently placing a hand on his back. "Luke?"

He lifted his head to look at her. "I-I thought she was going to die."

Haley rubbed his back. "She's fine. You heard the doctor; you saved her."

"She didn't…she didn't weigh _anything_ when I picked her up, and there was a second when I couldn't feel her breathing anymore…"

"Shh," Haley silenced him, pulling him into a one-armed hug. "It's okay. She's _okay_."

"Yeah," he sighed, as though he couldn't believe it. He took a deep breath. "I'm going to go get some water."

"Good idea. You want company?"

He shook his head. He needed some time to himself. "Do you guys want anything?"

"We're fine," Haley said, answering for them both. Lucas didn't need anything else to think about.

After he disappeared around the corner, she sat back in her chair, blowing out a breath. Nathan reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers, and she smiled over at him before glancing back down at their hands with a frown. "Nathan…what is this? What are we?"

His thumb stroked over her knuckles gently. "Whatever you want us to be."

Her smile widened a little bit, but it was bittersweet. "I think we're the only good thing that came out of this day."

-x-

When Brooke returned, looking more like herself, she gave them a smile more like her old one. "Sup, lovebirds?" she asked them, a softly playful note in her voice.

Haley blushed at her words. "Nothing." As Brooke sat down, Haley reached out to take her hand. "How're you doing?"

Brooke shrugged. "Not okay, not yet. But I'll get there." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Lucas approaching them, carrying two bottles of water. She smiled at her friends. "Nathan…when she wakes up…tell her you love her, okay? I remember what you said in the gym, and…if you just tell her you love her, you'll feel better. I know it."

Haley smiled softly, glancing at Nathan, whose eyes were full of gratitude. "Thanks, B. Davis," he said quietly.

Haley gave Brooke's hand a supportive squeeze, knowing that she was going to make her way over to Lucas so that they could talk. "You do the same thing," she said. "It'll make you feel better, too."

A smile lit Brooke's face for just a second. "Thanks, Hales." She sighed, standing up and preparing herself for a conversation she didn't want to have. She glanced back at her friends. "For the record, guys…" She looked back and forth between the two of them. "I think this is good."

They both gave her quick grins before she turned around and walked over to her boyfriend. "Hey, you."

"Hey," he replied as though shocked that she'd come up to him. He looked like he'd been deep in thought. "I brought you water," he added, handing her a bottle.

They both leaned back against the wall. "Thank you," she said, fighting tears at the simple sweetness of his gesture.

"I'm here. If you need me, I'm here."

She took a shuddering breath. "Luke…" She sighed. "I do need you. And I'm here for you, too, I always am." She glanced up at the ceiling in an attempt to dry her eyes a bit. "But I don't think we should do this anymore."

He glanced at her, stunned. "Y-you're breaking up with me? _Now_?"

"Only because I think it's the best decision for right _now_," she insisted. "It was coming anyway, Lucas, you know that, and…I'm here, I love you, and I support you but…we can't be together."

"But why…not?"

"Because…because right now we both need to be there for Peyton, and focus on our own healing. And because…when I told you about Peyton this morning it wasn't because you were my boyfriend. It was because I knew that you wouldn't question me for a second, and that you would save her."

"Brooke," he sighed. She had always been insecure about his friendship with Peyton because his longtime childhood crush on her was a well-known fact and because they were naturally very close friends.

"I'm not accusing you of anything," she told him softly. "It's just the truth."

He pouted a little. "I'll miss you."

She smiled fondly. "I am not going _anywhere_. We'll just cut out the kissing…and the sex…and…free ourselves up, I guess. I'll always love you."

Lucas nodded. "You, too," he replied sincerely.

"Look, Luke, you…you loved her enough to save her," Brooke said, taking a step away from the wall. "And I don't know what the really means. I don't know what happened between you two in that hour – and I shouldn't. It's important and intense and…sacred, between the two of you. But whatever it was, however it felt…it changed you, and it changed her. And it happened to both of you together. Just…remember that, okay?" She gave him a sad smile and a wink. Later on, bitterness and anger would probably set in, at least for a little bit, but for now she was just going to go back to Haley and let her friend comfort her.

-x-

Peyton woke up right on time, half an hour after the doctor had spoken to her friends. The room was white and for a moment she was dizzy; everything spun and she heard words echoing in her head.

_But you gotta let me try, okay?_

_Never be sorry. _

_I'm going to get you out of here._

_Hand the girl over and put your hands in the air! _

_Female, sixteen, gunshot wound to the leg._

With the last memory, her world seemed to right itself and she gasped, glancing down toward her left leg, which was throbbing a little bit.

Before she could think, a doctor and two nurses rushed in, and all of a sudden there was a stethoscope on her chest, someone asking her about her name and age and the date, a blood pressure band tightening around her arm, and the uncomfortable feeling of new medication being injected into her IV, the painful chill in her hand as it crept into her veins.

When all her vitals apparently seemed normal and she'd swallowed some ibuprofen, and doctor patted her uninjured leg gently. "Welcome back, Peyton Sawyer. There are some people here who can't wait to see you."

Moments later, the faces of the people she loved most came into view as they peeked into her room. She smiled weakly at them. She was too tired to speak right away and unsure of what to say.

Karen took the lead and approached her first, dropping a kiss on her forehead and smoothing her hair out of her face. "I cannot tell you how happy I am to see that pretty face of yours, Peyton Elizabeth," she said gently, continuing to tuck her curls behind her ears. "How're you feeling?"

"Tired…sore."

Karen smiled softly. "You're going to be fine. I called your dad; he should be back by tomorrow. He'll want to talk to you now, so I'm going to see if I can reach him. You let somebody know if you need anything, okay?"

Peyton nodded. "Thank you," she rasped out.

Karen kissed her forehead again. "I'll be back soon, honey."

When Karen left, her friends stood in a clump near the doorway of her room, just looked at her. Peyton arched one of her eyebrows wearily and they finally sprang into action.

"P. Sawyer," Brooke said, and Peyton could hear tears in her best friend's voice.

"B. Davis," she returned through a tired sigh, turning one of her hands so that her palm faced up.

Brooke was at her side in an instant, hugging her gently, and Peyton lifted her arm free of the IV to hug her back. "I love you," Brooke said brokenly, her voice muffled in Peyton's shoulder.

"You, too," she replied quietly.

Brooke pulled back and wiped at her eyes. "Never again, okay? No more getting shot, 'cause I won't forgive you next time."

Peyton's laugh sounded pitiful to her own ears. "You got it. Wasn't as much fun as I figured it would be, anyway."

Brooke shook her head. The joke wasn't funny anymore, and she reached to hug Peyton again. "I should've made sure you were with me."

She sighed softly. "No. It's not your fault. It's not…okay?" She wanted to say more eloquent, soothing things but she was too tired.

"Okay," Brooke murmured, and clung to her for a second.

"Stop hogging her," Haley ordered lightly when she sensed the end of the moment, and Brooke moved from the bed to the chair at its side so that Haley could perch on the edge of the mattress. "I'm very glad to see you again," she told Peyton, unable to mask the sheer relief she felt at the sight of the Peyton's eyes, alight with life.

Peyton reached out for her hand. Her grip was weak, but she squeezed for a second. "I was worried about you, Hales."

Haley knew she was being serious, but she still couldn't help but laugh. "Back atcha," she said seriously through a smile. She leaned forward to kiss Peyton's cheek, and continued quietly, close to her ear, "You're damn lucky you're still alive, by the way, 'cause I would have killed you if you'd died."

She moved back, giving Nathan his turn. He placed one hand on the other side of Peyton's body so that he could lean down close to her, sighing in relief. "I'm sorry."

She shot him a quizzical look.

"For lots of stuff," he shrugged, answering the question she hadn't voiced. "And I am so glad to see you. Nice sex hair," he added with the slightest leer, nodding toward her messy curls. She rolled her eyes and he smiled, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth. "I love you," he told her, and it was a relief to let the words out. Brooke had been right.

Peyton smiled fondly back at him, reaching up and cupping his chin in her hand. "You too," she said.

Lucas held back, watching his friends interact with the girl he'd just saved. Peyton sought him out with her eyes and her lips curved into half a smile before they pressed together in an effort to keep tears at bay. "Thank you," she whispered.

He shook his head, closing his eyes for a second. "Don't say that."

Brooke could feel everything that had happened between them in the library filling the room, taking up space and air. She and Haley and Nathan were stifling them. She took a hold of both of her friends' hands and pulled them up and toward the door. "Let's give them a minute," she suggested, casting a quick smile back at her bedridden friend.

"We love you," Haley said just before the three of them disappeared out of the door. She placed her hand on Luke's shoulder for a moment, adding, "Both of you."

Lucas closed the door behind his friends and wandered over to sit in the chair next to her bed.

"Really, Lucas…thank you." Her voice was startlingly weak, but this time it wasn't so scary. She was gaining strength, not losing it.

"You'll never have to thank me," he insisted, and she smiled softly before wincing in embarrassment.

"Luke…about…I thought I was going to die, so about what I said, I didn't…"

He shook his head, and she stopped. Pausing, she studied him for a moment before finally whispering, "C'mere."

He knew instantly what she meant and climbed into bed with her, careful not to disturb her leg or her IV. He wrapped his arm around her and she snuggled closer to him, tucking her head against his chest and closing her eyes. He rested his chin atop her head and said, "I love you, too."

"Mm…I know you do."

"No, Peyt…I mean more than that."

She smiled into his chest but didn't reply. He'd said those words to her many times before, in many different situations, and she'd always known that they had meant more. But every time, she'd left them where they were said, and this time was no different. Those words would remain in this room, in this moment where they were both broken and vulnerable. They would always carry it with him, but it would be years before she'd gain enough courage to let those words catch up with them. Lucas knew that, but he didn't care. No matter how long for it took for her to come to terms with what he told her…he wanted her to know. He just needed her to know.


	13. Twelve

**A/N:** Whew! I wrote this chapter in a huge rush – I really should be researching Italy's activity in WWII right now – so forgive me any spelling mistakes, I'm so bad when it comes to editing my own writing and I really wanted to get an update up. This chapter is for all of you who knew that it was coming…I'm sure you have mixed feelings about it all, but I have a plan, and I'm pretty sure I'll stick to it. Much more will be revealed soon enough. Thanks for reading and reviewing…be sure to let me know what you think. :) And a **Crescendo** update is coming soon, I swear…

**Twelve:** September 14th, 2011; St. Flora, North Carolina

_Their old friend ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath. "Nathan and Brooke took Lucy to the hospital."_

_Just when Peyton thought she had all the hope in the world…the world fell out from under her feet. _

Lucas was alarmed and felt automatic concern for the little girl, whom he already felt familial affection toward. But he was far from prepared for Peyton's reaction.

Her skin turned white, honestly and truly paper-white, and she moved away from him, shaking off his grasp on her.

"Peyt…"

She ignored him, focusing on Haley. "W-what happened?"

Haley shrugged helplessly, aching over the fact that she didn't have more information. "Brooke was getting ready so that they could leave, and then she went to get Luce and… She threw up twice in the space of half an hour, and she was shaking, she said her head hurt. Her fever came out of nowhere and she wasn't breathing very well, wasn't very steady on her feet. The whole time Brooke was trying to get her in the car, Lucy kept crying, saying that she just wanted to go to bed."

Peyton searched the recesses of her brain for the name of any illness that had such sudden symptoms. "What is that?" she demanded when she came up with nothing. "What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know. Nathan said he'd call the second they knew anything at all."

"When…did they leave?"

"Maybe fifteen minutes ago…"

Haley could see that Peyton was at a complete loss. She held out both of her hands, reaching out to her friend. "Come on, honey, let's sit."

Without looking back once, Peyton took Haley's hands and let Haley lead her away.

Lucas stared after them in utter bewilderment, unable to understand what had just happened. Brooke's daughter was sick, and it sounded serious and scary, so he could understand concern, even grief. But there was something deeper going on. Something else he'd missed out on since their almost-marriage had fallen apart, since he'd been so scared of not being able to help his fiancée that he nearly gave up altogether.

Before he could rush after them and figure out what was going on, Jamie scampered out. He looked a little shaken, but his eyes were totally trusting as he gazed up at his uncle. "Mommy said you'd play with me."

"Uh, sure, buddy, but –"

"She said you'd probably say no," Jamie interrupted him. "But she said to tell you that it's like getting pizza." He wrinkled his nose and admitted, "I don't get it."

Lucas did. Oh, he did. When they were kids, when they were fourteen and fifteen and young and just figuring things out, that had been the signal. When the girls wanted time alone to talk things out, when they found the boys too loud and obnoxious and annoying, they'd send them out to pick up pizza. Offended and rebellious, determined to teach the girls a lesson, Lucas and Nathan would always eat all the pizza on the way back. When they arrived and saw the girls, fresh-faced and calm after sifting through their problems, Brooke, Haley, and Peyton never seemed the slightest bit upset that they'd consumed all the food. It took the boys a couple months to discover that the girls didn't even _want_ the pizza – they just needed some time alone.

And this was the same thing. Haley clearly knew what Lucas was thinking, but she didn't want to deal with it yet. She wanted to talk to Peyton alone first.

His heart was heavy as he plastered on a smile and extended his hand to his nephew. "Of…of course I'll play with you."

Jamie smiled. "Can we get pizza, for real?"

He didn't have anything else to do but worry, so he shrugged gamely as his smile grew more genuine. "Sure we can."

-x-

Peyton stared at the phone as though it were a bomb. Next to her, on the couch, Haley wrung her hands as she watched her friend's face with nervous eyes.

"He'll call right away," she attempted to assure Peyton. "He knows we're worried." She reached out to put her hand on the blonde's back only to discover a tight knot of muscle. "Breathe a little, honey." She paused. "Can you talk to me?"

Peyton shook her head. "I don't…I don't even know what to say."

"She's going to be fine," Haley soothed.

"You say that, Hales, and I love you for it but…but what if she's _not_?"

"I don't know," she whispered. "God, Peyton…I don't know."

Peyton took a deep breath. "It is karma?"

"No," Haley insisted. "That's not how karma works. That's not how anything works." The deterioration of a little girl's health was hardly fair to anyone. It wasn't any sort of just punishment.

Peyton doubled over, curling into herself as she buried her face in her hands. "How did I get here?" she whispered, her words seeping out through the spaces between her fingers. "I screwed _everything_ up. I'm only twenty-five, Haley. I'm not supposed to have regrets this huge; I'm not supposed to have problems this irreversible. It's not supposed to be this _hard_."

"I know it's not," she agreed softly. "It isn't fair, Peyton…but you have fought through a hell of a lot. You can survive anything, you've proved it, and this is no different. We're right here to help you."

"I don't know if I _can_," she cried, lifting her head. "I've destroyed everything I ever really wanted."

Haley shook her head, ordering gently, "Stop. You didn't. Peyton…honey. What did Ellie tell you?"

Peyton closed her first and pressed her knuckles against her lips. "It's never too late," she whispered.

"Yeah. And she was right."

Peyton shot Haley a watery smile. "Thank you."

Haley smiled softly in return. "Come here."

-x-

Lucas walked back through the front door, Jamie's little hand securely tucked into his. The six-year-old had a pizza sauce stain on his shirt, but Haley could fix almost anything, and Lucas had faith that she had the best stain remover around.

"What's wrong with Aunt Peyton?" Jamie asked in a stage whisper.

Lucas' eyes flew toward the living room. Peyton was sprawled out, her head on Haley's lap. Haley was leaning down toward her; they were talking quietly. Lucas studied them for a moment, trying to decipher some meaning, trying to read Haley's lips. He had no luck.

Peyton's eyes closed and Jamie tugged on Lucas' hand again, his little blue eyes shining with worry. "Is she sick like Lucy?"

"No, buddy," he whispered back. "She's fine. How about you…go upstairs and put a clean shirt on, okay? And you can watch the TV up there. Come downstairs if you need anything, alright?"

Jamie nodded and obediently skipped up the stairs. Lucas hung up his coat and ventured into the living room.

"Hey," Haley whispered, running her fingers through Peyton's messy curls. "Thanks for looking after him."

Lucas shrugged. "I fed him junk and he got pizza on his shirt."

She smiled. "That's okay."

He crouched down in front of the couch, reaching out to cup Peyton's cheek in his hand. She shivered and pulled away instantly. She must have sensed his shock, because she attempted a sheepish smile and explained: "You're cold."

"Sorry," he muttered. He didn't say anything else out loud, just let his eyes ask the questions.

Peyton averted her gaze almost immediately and Lucas sighed in frustration, trying to sound patient as he asked, "Have you guys heard anything?"

The phone rang on cue, and Peyton jumped. "Shh," Haley said instantly, as if comforting a child who'd just woken up from a nightmare. She reached over her friend and snatched up the phone, answering, "Sawyer household. I mean, Sommers…well, not anymore, I guess. Peyton's place." She sighed. "Nathan, please tell me that's you."

"It is," he informed her gently. "You know, Hales, you can just say _hello_."

"I know," she replied, waving aside his words even though he couldn't see her. "How is she? She's okay, right?"

"She's not in any danger right now. I think she's going to be okay."

"What was it?"

"Why don't you just come?" Nathan suggested. "The doctors can explain it better than I can and…Brooke really needs you here. _I_ really need you here."

"I know, baby," she told him tenderly. "Is Brooke falling apart?"

"Is Peyton?" he countered, and she had her answer.

"Soon," she promised. "I'll see you soon."

"I love you, Haley James Scott," Nathan said so forcefully that it left no more for doubt. "Give Jamie a kiss for me, okay?"

"Well?" Peyton demanded, her heart in her throat, sitting up and pulling her hair up and off of her neck. Her skin was flushed with nervousness.

"She's not in any danger right now. I'm going to go over there, okay?" Haley paused and just watched her, waiting for Peyton to take the initiative.

"I'll come," she whispered, and Haley's lips curved into a small smile.

"_Good_," she said firmly. She shot Lucas a pleading look. "Will you watch Jamie again? He'd love to spend the whole day with his Uncle Luke, I know it."

"Hales?" Peyton reached over, placing her hand over Haley's. "I know I don't really have a right to ask, but I…" She looked straight into Haley's eyes shyly. "Can Luke come with me?"

Her words sent a grateful rush of heat through his entire body, and he gently laid his hand over both of theirs, thanking Peyton and asking Haley a silent request.

Haley blew out her breath hesitantly, and Peyton added, "If you need to be with Nathan, I understand."

Haley squinted at her, a meaningful look that did not go unnoticed by Lucas. Finally, she said, "Of course Lucas can go with you. Just tell Nathan to give me a call, okay?"

Peyton threw her arms around Haley in a thankful hug, and Haley returned it full force. "It's going to be okay," she whispered against her friend's ear.

"You've always taken such good care of me," Peyton murmured back.

"Not going to change any time soon." As they pulled away from each other, Haley shot a pointed look toward Lucas. "Not for any of us."

-x-

That classic smell of hospital disinfectant made her tense up, and for a moment Peyton genuinely thought that she'd faint before she even got near the elevator.

But then she felt the gentle, grounding grasp. His hand clasped around hers, protective and supportive, his thumb running intimately over her knuckles, and she knew that as long as he kept doing that, she might be alright.

Lucas took the lead, pulling her toward the front desk, where the nurse turned to them with a tired smile. "Hi, we're looking for Lucy…Davis?" He glanced at Peyton for confirmation.

She squeezed his hand. "Luke…can you go see if you can buy me a bottle of water?"

"Sure," he said without a second thought. He brought his hand to his lips and brushed a kiss against her knuckles. "I'll be right here."

The moment he stepped away, the nurse asked, "In paediatrics? No Lucy Davis, but there's a Lucy –"

"I know," Peyton said, cutting her off as politely as she could. "Can you tell me where to find her?"

The nurse lifted an eyebrow. She seemed thoroughly unimpressed by the cryptic, nervous way that words were slipping out of Peyton's mouth. "And you are related to her…how?"

She sucked in a breath of air, cool and sharp in her lungs. "I'm…her aunt. I'm her aunt."

"Hey." Lucas was suddenly by her side again, pressing a cool bottle of water into her hand and resting his palm on the small of her back. "You know where we're going?"

Peyton glanced back at the nurse, who shook her head, glancing back at the computer she stood in front of. "Fifty sixty-three."

"Thank you," Peyton said softly.

When she looked up at Lucas, he was touched by the trust he saw in her eyes. "You ready to go?" he asked, and he felt her lean into his hand a little bit.

"Yeah. I'm ready to go."

Nathan was slumped in a chair in the hallway, and was on his feet the moment he saw them. "Hey," he said. His instinct was to reach out and give Peyton a hug, but she looked pretty secure, leaning into Lucas oh-so-slightly. Instead, he asked, "Where's Haley?"

"Sorry, Nate," Peyton said immediately. "I…was being selfish, I really wanted…" She trailed off. She didn't need to offer up anything else. "Haley said that you should call her. And Jamie sends his love." She stepped away from Lucas reluctantly to give Nathan a quick hug. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, no…it's okay. He nodded in the direction of a hallway. "Her room's that way." He shot his brother a half-hearted smile and hurried off, pulling his phone from his pocket.

"Come on," Peyton said softly, pulling Lucas after her by the hand, and he caught a glint of confidence in her eye that made him smile softly.

Every bit of sureness and happiness disappeared when they crossed the threshold of Lucy's room to see the little girl lying pale and still in her bed. Brooke was at her side, resting her elbows on her knees. She was resting her chin on clasped hands.

"Brooke," Peyton said softly, and the brunette's eyes shot toward the doorway.

"P. Sawyer, hey," she whispered.

Peyton's eyes strayed back to the slumbering four-year-old. "Is she going to be okay?" she asked, moving to step around the bed. She perched on the edge of the mattress so that she was facing her best friend. She held her breath as though everything depended on Brooke's answer. "What's wrong with her?"

Brooke raised her eyebrows. "Toxic shock syndrome."

Peyton's eyebrows flew sky-high as well. "But, I thought –" Seventh grade health class flashed momentarily through her mind.

"Yeah. Well, apparently cases can develop spontaneously. It's a freak occurrence," she sighed. "Of course."

"Yeah…of course."

Brooke blinked a few times before reaching out to take Peyton's hand. "We're not going to cry, okay?" she asked thickly. "Lucy's going to be fine."

Peyton smiled softly at her, holding in her own tears. She nodded and pulled Brooke into a hug without saying a word.

When they pulled away from one another, Brooke returned the desperate smile and stood up. "I'll give you a minute," she said.

Peyton's heart was lodged in her throat; she couldn't speak. She just nodded again and mouthed _thank you_.

"Come on," Brooke murmured, ignoring Lucas' thoroughly confused expression. "Let's give her a second."

He snuck one last glance back into the room before she dragged him out, and saw Peyton bend over to kiss Lucy's forehead, whispering, "Hey, beautiful girl." He shouldn't have been able to hear her words, but he did, and a sudden pain shot through his chest.

Brooke looked back at him over her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry…yeah." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I should be asking you that question. How're you holding up?"

"I'm scared," she sighed. For more reasons than he knew. She looked over at him as though seeing him for the first time. He was a good guy, he really was, despite all the mistakes he'd made. It wasn't as though Peyton had been perfect. And Brooke knew that her best friend needed him, that both Lucas and Peyton deserved their happiness…but at this moment, Lucas Scott was the greatest threat Brooke had ever received to her _own_ happiness. "I'm really scared," she repeated, and her eyes fluttered closed as Lucas pressed a comforting kiss to her temple.

They joined Nathan in the lobby area, all three of them squeezing onto a couch made for two. "Is Peyton with Luce?" he asked.

"Yeah," Brooke whispered. "She just…"

Nathan nodded, and she stopped short. She didn't need to say anymore.

Lucas, sitting between them, looked back and forth between his friends suspiciously. He was getting tired of secrets. He was getting tired of the fact that no one seemed to dare to say anything aloud anymore, that they all communicated in meaningful glances and the occasional monosyllables that sounded like code more than anything else.

Peyton emerged from room fifty sixty-three at that moment, feeling a little unsteady on her feet. She was met with three gently quizzical glances, but she couldn't handle her friends at that moment. She walked past them briskly without making eye contact.

After turning a corner, she leaned back against a wall and slumped down, bringing her knees to her chest. She'd made a decision once that she knew she'd eventually regret…but she had done it out of love. She had done it for the safety of someone she loved, and she had done it for the happiness of someone else she loved, and out of the most basic need to protect herself. But first and foremost, she had done it to keep one very precious little girl safe, and now that same little girl was anything but, and Peyton's regret rose to a whole new level, mounted to a new extent. She wondered if any of the sacrifices she'd made had been worth it.

"I'll go check on her," Nathan offered, well aware that Brooke was itching to get back to her daughter.

"Thank you," she breathed, and hurried back down the hall, her heels click-clacking against the tiled floor.

"No," Lucas objected the moment Brooke was out of earshot. He hadn't wanted to start a conflict in her presence – she had enough to deal with. "I'll go."

"Luke, I don't think –"

"I _do_ think it's a good idea. I think it's time Peyton stopped hiding from me, hiding from how she feels, hiding from what she thinks."

Nathan had felt this torn only a few times before in his life, and he looked up at this older brother uneasily. "Lucas, please…just be careful. For her sake…and for yours."

Lucas shook his head as he walked off, not out of disagreement but out of pure frustration. He was so sick of secrets and lies.

He rounded the corner and stopped abruptly. The sight of Peyton curled up in a ball of misery against the hard, unforgiving wall softened him immediately, dispersing the majority of his anger. Carefully, he seated himself next to her, his shoulder pressing softly against hers as a sob escaped her lips.

Wiping uselessly at her eyes, she mumbled, "She looks like an angel, you know? She really does."

"I know," Lucas agreed mutedly. Her hands were clasped tightly around her knees, and he reached out to place his hand over both of hers. "But she's going to stay right here, on this earth."

Peyton's face crumpled and she took in a deep breath, counting to three before she allowed herself to exhale again. She choked on the air, coughing roughly, and was vaguely aware of Lucas slipping his hand between her back and the wall to gently pat the area between her shoulder blades.

"Peyton…please talk to me."

She squinted at him. "What…what do you mean?" she asked tiredly.

"Today was a good day," he reminded her. "You and me…_us_. A new beginning. And then we got back to your place, and you just…it's like you disconnected yourself from me."

Peyton's stare was incredulous. "_Sorry_ if I have some bigger things on my mind right now. God…"

"I know, I know," Lucas said quickly. "This is big and bad and it deserves your attention…but I haven't seen you this broken up in years."

"Of course you have," she contradicted him quietly. "My _brother_ just _died_."

"And you've been sad, yeah. But Peyton, God, I haven't seen your eyes look so empty since…" He didn't want to finish, but her inquisitive gaze told him that she didn't understand, so he had to. "Since we lost the baby," he ended, almost ashamed to have to remind her.

Her eyes lit with shock – and something strangely akin to hope – for the briefest of moments. "I just lost my brother, okay?" she snapped roughly, her throat dry. "And Lucy, she…I'm just so worried about her."

"I know that you're scared to lose people you love. I can understand all of that, Peyt. But…_Brooke's_ baby girl is lying in a hospital bed right now, and _you_ look like your entire world as you know it is about to end."

His statement was right on, and it scared her, terrified her. She scrambled to her feet, unable to remain in such a vulnerable position, and so close to him.

"Peyton…" he said from the floor, disbelief in his voice. He stood up, his anger mounting back up at the sight of the defensive, frightened face she wore. "_What_ is going _on_ with you?!"

Somehow his words were like an accusation, and she felt as though walls were closing in on her, as though she had no choice but to confess. A subconscious need for her ex-fiancé to know the truth and anger that turned into the need to shock him surged together, forcing the words out of her mouth as he stood up to face her, his stance angry. She didn't care that they were in a hospital hallway, she didn't care that this would be yet another regret on her list. She was done with this. It hurt too much.

"God, Lucas! Are you _stupid_? Are you honestly that _blind_?"

His breath caught in his throat and he couldn't move.

Peyton laughed bitterly, shaking her head sadly as she ran a hand through her hair. "_Brooke's_ daughter. I thought you'd figure it out, Luke, I really did, because you know me so well and God, you have eyes! Have you even _looked_ at her?"

The room tilted on an angle and the stripes on the wall, indicating what section of the hospital they were in, started to swim before his eyes.

Peyton stood before him, her arms crossed, hugging herself. Her hair hung into her eyes for a moment, but when she lifted her head it swung back, granting them complete eye contact. "She's _our_ daughter, Luke," she whispered, her throat constricting, "Of_ course_ she is."


	14. Thirteen

**A/N**: I know that most of you would rather get some resolution to the cliffhanger I left you with, but I'm sticking with the format I always intended to write this story in, back and forth from past to present.

I also know that this storyline may – okay, it probably _does_ – seem completely crazy to some of you. But really…have you been _watching_ this show? You know, the one where the crazy nanny was stopped by the man who killed his brother on false pretences, the show that stretched a love triangle out for _five years,_ the one in which the last episode featured the ghost of a high school kid? I appreciate your support, I really do, and thank you to those of you who continue reading, it means the world. Everyone's a bit OOC, I know, but it _is_ AU. For those of you who don't like what I'm doing with this storyline…well, I've written like four other things, if those interest you. If not, thank you for reading up to this point. I have to admit that sometimes I think my best writing has been in **In Vino Veritas**, but I'm always trying to do better. :)

…Sorry about the insane length of this author's note!

**Thirteen**: October, 1994; Tree Hill, North Carolina

Lucas politely thanked Mrs. James for the drive home from school, and waved to his friend. He walked through his front door, grinning to himself. It had been one of those inexplicably good days.

His happiness faded away when he saw his mom and Keith sitting together on the couch clutching each other's hands. Keith looked totally solemn, and there were tears shining in Karen's eyes.

"Hey, baby boy," she said softly, opening her arms. "Come here."

Lucas frowned, walking over to step into her embrace. His mom hugged him particularly tightly. "What's going on?" he asked.

Karen settled him onto the couch on her left, between the two adults. "Honey…I just got a call from Peyton's dad. Her mom was in a car accident this afternoon."

He felt a sudden chill wash over him. "Is she okay?"

"We don't know, son," Keith said gently. "She's in the hospital right now. Your mom is going to go down there."

"What about Peyton?"

Karen pulled him into another hug. "I'll make sure she's alright, sweetie. Stay optimistic, okay, Luke? Believe that everything will be okay. Anne's like Peyton; she's strong." She kissed Lucas' forehead. "I've got to get going. I love you. Both of you,' she added, pressing her lips briefly against Keith's.

He took her hand in his and squeezed. "Drive safely," he said meaningfully. "Call me later."

After Karen slipped out the door, Keith placed a hand on Lucas' back. "Do you want a snack, bud?"

Lucas shook his head, pulling away. He felt numb, unsure of what he should have been feeling. "I think I'm just going to go to my room."

Keith nodded understandingly. "You come to me if you want to talk."

"I will," he whispered.

-x-

Peyton was sitting on an ugly reddish-brown chair, her knees pulled up to her chest. She pressed her chin against the black denim that covered her bony knee, her unruly curls falling into her face. Her mother had tied a dark blue ribbon into her hair to tame it that morning, but Peyton had tossed the ribbon out of the window of the car on the way to the hospital, while her father stared straight at the road, his jaw set tightly.

"Peyton?" A hand landed on her shoulder and she looked up into Karen's sympathetic eyes.

"Oh, sweetie," Karen said quietly before she crouched down in front of the chair and engulfed Peyton in a hug.

There was something so warm and…_mom-like_ about Karen's embrace that all the sadness and grief Peyton hadn't been able to feel before suddenly flooded her senses, and she buried her face in Karen's neck to keep from sobbing too loudly.

"It's okay, honey," Karen said softly.

"I…I want my mom," Peyton gasped out, and she could have sworn she felt a tear fall onto the crown of her head.

"I know you do," Karen said softly.

-x-

Almost two hours after Lucas' mother left, Haley, Brooke, and Nathan showed up at his door.

All four of them sat at separate corners of his bed. Haley clutched Lucas' pillow tightly, while Nathan tapped his foot incessantly. Brooke traced out the pattern on Lucas' comforter with her finger, and Lucas watched them all, his eyes a dark, sad blue.

"It'll be okay," he finally said.

Nathan scoffed, glaring at him. "But what if it's not?"

His words were all it took for Haley to burst into tears. "She must be so _sad_," she blubbered. "And so _scared_."

"Peyton's gonna be fine," Nathan insisted stubbornly. She had to be fine, because he didn't know what to do if she wasn't. They were only kids. He wasn't equipped to deal with this.

"Haley, please don't cry," Brooke requested quietly. She wasn't holding it together all that well, and Haley's tears weren't helping. Karen Roe and Anna Sawyer had worked valiantly to fill the void that Mrs. Davis' total absence had left in Brooke's life, and the thought of losing one of them horrified her.

The thought of what would happen to _Peyton_ if she lost her mother horrified Brooke. And all of a sudden she was crying too.

The Scott brothers sighed heavily in unison, exchanging scared, worried looks before they quickly looked away. None of them knew what to do, and neither of the boys knew how to comfort the girls.

Haley lifted her face from Lucas' half-soaked pillow, her cheeks blotchy and stained with tears. "This isn't supposed to happen. It's not _fair_." Just over two hours ago, she'd been joking around with Luke in the backseat of her car, looking out the window to wave to Peyton, who was still waiting for her mom. Mrs. James had rolled down her window, asking if Peyton wanted a ride. Peyton shook her head, curls bouncing against her shoulders, and assured Haley's mother that her own mom would be there soon. The mere thought of the happiness and confidence shining out of Peyton's eyes as she spoke made Haley's eyes ache with even more tears.

Lonely and jaded even after her eight short years of life, Brooke clutched a handful of Lucas' comforter tightly in her fist as a tear slipped out of the corner of her eye. "Nothing in life is fair."

-x-

Peyton's mother died at 5:52 a.m. on a Thursday morning, while _Celebration_ played on the radio at the hospital. Her father pulled her into her lap, and she could feel his tears in her hair as he whispered, "I'm so sorry, baby."

-x-

"I have to go see her," Lucas insisted. He was standing with three of his four best friends, looking at his mother and Keith imploringly. "We _all_ do," he added for emphasis.

Keith pulled Brooke, who looked like she was about to have a meltdown, into his lap as Karen pulled Haley close to her, reaching around the little girl to pat Nathan's shoulder comfortingly. Keith extended a hand to Lucas, who took hold of it.

"You guys are _great kids_," Keith said. Karen, whose eyes were rimmed red, was too choked up to speak. "And we are both very proud that you want to be there for your friend. But we need to give Peyton some time alone with her dad right now, okay?"

Lucas respected his uncle. Idealized him, even. But this once, he really didn't think that Keith knew what he was talking about. He wanted to talk to Peyton. It seemed scary, and it would probably be awkward…but what else was he, what else was any one of his friends, supposed to do?

"I know that this is hard for all of you," his mother said gently. "It's hard for Keith and me, too. But we need to give Larry and Peyton some space right now. Yeah?"

Lucas and his friends exchanged sad, disappointed looks. "Yeah," he sighed. His parental figures had overruled him. There wasn't much more he could do.

-x-

There may not have been anything more for Lucas to do, but his half-brother had never handled authority quite as well. Nathan walked to Brooke's house, which was close to his own, and she snuck out the front door while her parents argued bitterly in the living room. Together, in the light screen of darkness that occurred only around seven in the evening, they walked to the part of the town where Lucas and Haley lived. Haley dropped the ladder her older sister Vivian used to sneak out of the house when she wanted to meet boys, and the three of them scurried through the bushes as the sounds of the game show her parents were watching filtered out of the window.

Lucas felt a surge of both relief and rebellion when the three of them showed up at his door in their pyjamas and fall coats. Haley smiled softly and Nathan said, "Let's go see Peyton."

He grinned, grabbed his way-too-big sweater with the logo of Keith's workplace emblazoned on the back, pulled it over his head, and slipped out the door without a word. He didn't need to say anything. They understood each other.

It was a lot easier than they expected to sneak into Peyton's house. Her front door was unlocked. They tiptoed through the hallways as quietly as they could. When they reached the top of the stairs, they realized that it looked like both Larry and Peyton had hidden themselves away in their bedrooms, and all four of them made a beeline for Peyton's door. When they got there, Lucas paused with his hand on the doorknob. He wanted to see her, very badly, but he wasn't sure if he was really _ready_.

Brooke elbowed him, shooting him a glare. "_Open it_," she mouthed, so he did.

Peyton was curled up in a small ball in the middle of her big, which seemed very big all of sudden. She was facing the wall, and none of them were sure if she'd even heard them come in. They exchanged a series of nervous looks before they all cracked small smiles: the same thought was running through all of their minds.

Still without speaking, they clambered onto Peyton's bed. She rolled over, her eyes registering shock before she saw who they were. She sighed, but it came out as more of a sob.

"Oh, P.," Brooke said quietly as she settled on one side of their friend, pulling her into a close hug.

Haley placed her hand tentatively on Peyton bare calf. "I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"Don't say that," Peyton whispered, bursting into a fresh batch of tears. "I hate it when people say that. It's not your fault.'

"Okay," Haley whispered.

Peyton buried her face in Brooke's neck. "I want her back," she wept. "I feel all…_alone_."

"You're not alone," Nathan pointed out kindly from where he sat at the foot of the bed. "We're right here."

Peyton lifted a hand to wipe her eyes and then let that same hand fall onto the bed at her side. Cautiously, Lucas took it into his and squeezed. "Sorry we weren't here earlier," he whispered. "My mom thought we should give you some time alone."

She shook her head. It was hard, being all alone with her dad in the house, which suddenly felt so empty. It was hard listening to him cry when she herself was desperately craving comfort. "I'm glad you're here now," she sighed, tears slipping down her cheeks.

After a brief silence, she continued, "I miss her so much _already_. I _need_ her, especially now." That was the cruellest twist of fate when it came to losing someone so close to you. Peyton needed the exact person she no longer had.

"You should try and sleep," Haley suggested. She always felt better if she went to sleep right after she'd cried for a while. It helped her forget, and she didn't feel quite so sad when she woke up.

Peyton's eyes searched all of theirs in turn. "Will you stay with me?"

None of them thought about their parents, some of whom would inevitably be worried when they saw that they were missing, or about the punishments they'd suffer for disappearing into the night. Instead, they all said, immediately and with certainty, "Of course we will."

Haley, curled up at the far end of the bed, drifted off almost immediately – she was an early riser and she always fell asleep first, no matter what they were doing. Nathan, who was active nearly every minute or everyday, followed her to dreamland soon aft, lying at her side.

Brooke and Lucas stayed awake a little longer, lying on either side of the girl whose tragedy had brought them together for the night. Brooke whispered a story, reminding Peyton of the night when they were five and all the lights went out and Anna helped them make a fort in the living room, how she'd taken their flashlights away and stayed with them in that secret, wonderful world all night, trying to prove that there was nothing to be afraid of.

"She loved you," Brooke said with tears in her voice.

Peyton took a shuddering breath in, whispering back, "She loved you, too."

Lucas stayed silent while the girls talked and cried, waiting patiently until Brooke cried herself to sleep so that he could talk to Peyton privately. "What're you thinking, Peyt?" he asked her quietly, out of both curiosity and concern.

"I miss her," she gasped out into her room, lit only by the moonlight. "I miss her already, and I-I'm scared that it's going to hurt this much forever."

"It won't," he promised her. "It won't."

"At the same time I…I sort of want it to. Because what if I forget her? What if one day I don't love her as much?"

"You won't," Lucas repeated. "I'll make sure you remember her forever."

"You'll be here forever?" she asked in a very small voice.

"Yeah. We'll be friends forever, and I'll make sure that you always love her as much as you do right now."

She mumbled something about that sounding good, and with an exhausted sigh, allowed herself to drift off to sleep.

Lucas fell asleep with his hand still clasped securely around hers, and didn't wake up until bright morning light filtered into Peyton's window, and Larry Sawyer barged in after receiving a slew of panicked phone calls from their parents. But when Lucas opened his eyes, he didn't see Mr. Sawyer's weary, depressed expression or the glare of the six a.m. sun. All he registered was the feeling of Peyton's lanky legs resting over his and the smooth skin of her cheek pressed against his, her tears making the apples of their cheeks stick together.

And he knew that the way he felt would make sure that he always loved Peyton as much as did right at that moment.

-x-

Karen heaved a sigh, cupped his face in her hand, and called him her little hero when she came to pick him up nearly an hour later. Though she hadn't originally planned on letting him attend Anna's funeral, he pleaded with her so much that she finally gave in, bought him a black suit, and seated him in the back of the car on that dreary day.

Peyton's skin was disturbingly pale, and she kept her hand tucked in her father's for most of the day. When Haley started to cry, her mother bent down to hug her, and Peyton had to look away.

Brooke, true to her determination and stubbornness, came to the funeral without her parents, who were too self-absorbed to care. She sat next to Nathan, who'd come with _his_ mother, nervously watching her best friend out of the corner of her eye.

Wind blew through the graveyard so forcefully that the trees shook, and Peyton eyed them warily. Karen came up to her, shooting her father a supportive smiled before she crouched down and tucked Peyton's hair out of her face. "Look at that," she said softly. "Even mother nature is upset about your mom."

Peyton didn't find any comfort in that statement, and she couldn't stop her lips from trembling. "She shouldn't have left me."

"Oh, honey –"

Peyton cut her off, biting back tears. "I don't really want to talk right now."

Karen rubbed her back soothingly, catching Lucas watching in the distance, a frown etched onto his face. "Okay," she said gently. "But you tell me if you do. Alright?"

Peyton nodded, pressing her lips together, and returned to her father's side.

The entire service, she had to resist the urge to scream. She didn't want to be here. She wanted to go at home and find that her mother had cut up an apple for her and poured her a glass of chocolate milk. She wanted her _mom_ back.

Her dad bent down eventually, whispered in her ear, and she took a couple tentative steps forward, grasped a handful of dirt, and let it fall into the ground, onto the coffin that held her mother's body.

As she stepped back toward her father, she actually thought she was genuinely going to lose it. Somehow, some way, this _had_ to be a dream – the worst possible kind of nightmare. Maybe, if she just ran home right now, her mom would really be there in that soft, worn-in sweater that she wore when she sat at home to draw on Sunday afternoons. She would scoop Peyton up the tightest, most perfect hug, and listen while all the horrific details spilled from Peyton's lips. Then she would plant a kiss on her forehead and say, "I'm right here, baby."

And when the realization that that thought was an impossibility really hit her, her knees buckled – and then all of a sudden there was a hand over hers, holding tightly, holding her up.

She looked to the side to see that Lucas was standing next to her in a black jacket, wearing a worried smile. She remembered two nights ago, when he'd said that he'd be there forever, and she squeezed his hand with all her might.

Peyton rested her head against his shoulder, the wool of his fall coat warm against her pale, chilled skin, and for just a moment, it felt like she could really breathe again, because he'd promised her forever, and there he was.

**A/N**: Let me know what you're thinking…


	15. Fourteen

**A/N: **Many apologies for the wait, and thanks so much for your patience, I know that this was a hard one to wait for. I've actually had it written for a while, I've just been sick and staring at a computer screen is kind of nauseating, so it took some time to write it up.

This one's for **Gigi18**. Because you asked specifically, because you're a great writer (and reviewer!), and because you always embrace any advice/criticisms/praise/requests I have. I hope you like it!

**Fourteen:** September 15th, 2011; St. Flora, North Carolina

Lucas sat on the blue-cushioned chair next to the bed that held a very small, very precious, very sick little girl. His index finger and thumb formed a loose circle around her delicate wrist, so small that it seemed practically breakable, the pad of his thumb tracing along the plastic-y material of her hospital bracelet.

_Scott, Lucy Elizabeth Ann._

Legally, this was his daughter. And truth be told, he couldn't question the biology of it all, not for a moment. The way she lifted her chin when she was in a stubborn mood and the slight squint to her eyes when she smiled – those she had inherited directly from him, there was no denying it. Looking at her now, he could see that she also had his nose. That made him smile, just for a second. When Peyton got pregnant, one of the first things she'd said to him after they got over they initial shockand the burst of terror at the prospect of becoming parents at such a young age, was that she hoped that their baby got his nose. _Perfect for eskimo kisses._

"Hey," Brooke said softly from the doorway. She moved further into the room, running a hand lightly over his back before she perched on the edge of Lucy's bed and looked at him with sympathetic eyes. "So…" she sighed, and it was the most loaded two-letter word Lucas had ever heard.

"Yeah," he muttered.

"She told you," Brooke said quietly.

"You heard?" he inquired.

"Oh, honey…the whole hospital heard."

He ran both hands through his hair. "How could you keep this from me?" he murmured, his voice deep and wounded.

"Luke…it wasn't my secret to tell." She lifted one shoulder helplessly.

"Bull –" With a glance at Lucy, he stopped himself from uttering the second syllable. "Don't you dare. Don't you _dare_; you've been raising her, Brooke! Everyone's going around calling her your daughter!"

There was no doubt in that moment that Lucy was, for all intents and purposes, Brooke's daughter, because the look she cast him was one hundred percent mother bear. "Lower your voice _right_ now, or we'll take this out of the room."

He raised his hands in surrender and huffed, "I don't really want to go out…there." He gestured vaguely toward the hallway, where he knew that Haley and Nathan were probably holding a what-next themed conference with his ex-girlfriend.

"Okay, so let's try to be reasonable."

He gaped at her, hissing, "_Reasonable_? For nearly four years all of you have known that I have a _child_, and you've kept that fact from me!"

"Luke, you have to understand that it wasn't easy for any of us –"

"I get that Peyton was broken up and hurting and that it was my fault, okay? I regret it everyday, cheating on her and leaving her and all of the horrible things I did – she didn't deserve any of it. I get it, if she was bitter and in pain but God, the rest of you? Why did you all take her side?"

"It wasn't about _sides_," Brooke said desperately. "We were stuck in the middle and we were just trying to protect you both."

"Us _both_?" he asked sceptically.

"Yes!"

"Brooke, don't lie to me, you put Peyton above me and you _know_ you did."

She leaned toward him, her eyes shining with seriousness. "Okay, Lucas, _maybe_ I did, and I'm not proud of that…but my _best friend_ almost _died_ after she had that baby. Excuse me for protecting her wellbeing!"

"I don't get it!" he thundered. "Peyton wanted nothing more than to have another baby! Why all of this fucking drama?"

Brooke stood to face him, glaring. "Because she wanted to have a baby _with you_, you moron! Not all on her own when her father had just died and she was falling apart!" She stalked over to him, getting right in his face. "Peyton has never been proud of the decision she made, and it hurts her _every day_, but she did it for the sake of _your_ daughter, so don't _you_ dare, Lucas. Don't you _dare_." She took a step back and crossed her arms over her chest, looking away from him. "I'd like you out of my daughter's hospital room. _Now_."

When Lucas stormed out, Peyton lifted her head and looked at him, but it was Haley who ran after him down the hall, calling, "Luke! Lucas Scott, stop right now!" She caught up to him, gently linking her hand through his and rubbing his arm soothingly. "Let's just walk and talk, okay? You need some air."

-x-

"I'm really not in a talking mood right now, Hales," he said through his teeth as he stalked down the hall.

"Well, that's too bad for you, isn't it?" she snapped. Haley was a small woman, but she had a ferocity about her, she always had. She pulled Lucas by his sleeve into a more secluded hallway.

"Seriously?" he hissed at her. "We're going to do this next to a vending machine?"

"Luke," she scolded him.

"Haley…how _dare_ you?" he gasped out, unable to breathe deeply enough or to find another sentence, another question.

"I know. Oh, Luke, I know." She stared deep into his eyes until he finally saw all the regret that she felt. "Just hear me out. Please?"

Crossing his arms, he nodded reluctantly.

"Okay," she sighed. "Okay. Lucas…no matter what has happened, I've always considered myself your best friend. I always will. My loyalties lie with you."

His eyebrows flew upward.

"But," she conceded, speaking the word she knew he was waiting for, "You didn't see her, after you left. I've never…I've never seen a person deteriorate like that. Peyton's strong, she's survived so much…it was frightening. It was like…" she searched the recesses of her mind for a reference. "_Othello_!" she said triumphantly after a moment of thought. "It's like _Othello_."

Lucas groaned. "God, you are _such_ an English teacher."

She ignored him. "Don't you see? It's the same tragic twist. When you gave up on Peyton, lost faith in her, started questioning your relationship…she started questioning herself. The moment your love for her started to fade, the more she began to doubt herself. She's always been independent, but you've also always been a key part of her. It devastated her to fall from the place where you loved her – like Desdemona."

Lucas cracked the smallest of smiles, calming down a bit as he tried to follow her train of thought. "Haley…I don't think that's _anything_ like _Othello_."

She rolled her eyes. "The point is that Peyton found herself in you, just as Desdemona did in Othello. You brought out her best self."

"My love for her never faded," he grumbled, disturbed by her words.

"Luke…I know that it was wrong to keep Lucy from you. I know that that put you into the very position you never wanted to be in. But Lucas, she fell apart. She _overdosed_, Luke. I came to a point where all that mattered was keeping her safe."

"And what happened to those loyalties you were talking about, huh? Don't be so overdramatic, for God's sake. You need to stop teaching Shakespeare."

Haley frowned. "People make mistakes, Luke. You had an affair. You broke her heart. And she made a mistake, too – she made a few. I didn't approve of her decision – everything but. I tried everything I could to talk her out of it, so did Nathan, and Brooke. She wouldn't change her mind. I wanted to be angry with her, of course I did. But I didn't have the _right_ to be. I'm a mom, too. I know what it's like, to feel so protective. And that's all Peyton was trying to do: protect her child. Just like _your_ mom was when she kept Dan out of your life, right?" she asked, desperately trying to connect with him.

His jaw remained clenched tightly.

"To this _day_, Luke, she's always kept her distance. She's afraid of her own daughter, scared that she's going to hurt her in some way. When she lost her trust in you, she lost her trust in herself."

"So this is _my_ fault?"

"You _know_ that's not what I'm saying. Look, Lucas…I'm so very sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I've forgiven both you and Peyton for your mistakes. But it's not _my_ forgiveness that counts."

He chose not to react to her last comment for the time being. "Can I ask you just one small thing?"

She didn't like his condescending tone. Nonetheless, she said graciously, "Of course you can."

"I'm the big, bad, heartbreaking guy. So why call me now, when she's falling apart again? Why am I who she _needs_? Last resort?" he inquired, honestly curious.

"It…it took us a while, but we finally realized that you may have been the one to hurt her, but you're also the one who can heal her." She took a deep breath. "Better late than never."

-x-

Nathan found Peyton in the main waiting room on the floor, staring miserably at the floor to avoid looking at the sad-eyed, sickly kids around her. He joined her, perching on the chair next to hers. "Hey, Sawyer," he said evenly.

"Nate, you don't…you shouldn't have to take care of me," she murmured, wrapping her arms around herself as though that would help her to physically hold it together.

"Peyton," he sighed, frustrated but still affectionate. "When will you get it through your head that you're not pathetic and I'm not babysitting you or any of that other crap you come up with? I love you," he said simply, shrugging a little bit at the slight discomfort of his heartfelt revelation. "You're like a little sister to me. I _want_ to take care of you. So quit pulling the pity card and start talking to me."

She laughed weakly. "I didn't…I didn't exactly intend to tell him like that."

"I know," he said gently. "But really, Peyt…at least now he knows. This moment has been a long time coming. I know that you feel like shit right now, but isn't it a relief to have that off your chest?"

The corner of her mouth twitched up for a millisecond. "I guess. But I still…"

"I know," he said again, even more comfort in his voice.

"He might never speak to me again."

"Meh, I get tired of his voice anyone," Nathan said gamely. "He's always _talking_."

She rolled her eyes at his attempt at humour. "He has every right, Nathan, to hold this against me and hate me for it. And the really hard part is that I deserve it."

He stayed silent for a moment, contemplating her words. Finally, he said, "Listen…you made a mistake. I'm not going to deny that. But I know how you regret it. And deny it all you like, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer, but I _know_ how much you love that little girl. And it's just about the same amount that Lucas loves you."

Her eyes flew over to meet his, vulnerable and searching.

He scoffed. "And she looks at me like it's news," he muttered sarcastically. "Peyton, nothing is ever two ef – um, I mean, _messed_ up to fix," he said, glancing at a nearby toddler.

"Those sound like famous last words," he countered.

Nathan glanced at the ceiling as if asking for help from the heavens. "I told you I love you, right?" At her small smile and nod, he continued, "So when I say this, I say it _because _I love you. You have mourned the loss of your family for years now, and I get it. It was hard – I remember how much it hurt you and that memory alone hurts _me_, still. But Peyton, you haven't lost that family. They are right here. And the sooner you get the hell up and start fighting again, the sooner my idiot brother will see it, too."

Her smile was bittersweet. "What would I do without you, Nathan Scott?"

His grin was lofty and self-assured. "Believe me, babe, you don't even want to know." He softened his facial expression. "So what do you say, Sawyer? You gonna get back in the game?"

She took a deep, shaky breath in, her green eyes uncertain but strong. "It's like Derek used to say, right?"

Nathan grasped her hand and gave it a quick squeeze, nodding his head in agreement. "No fear."

-x-

"Surprise!" Brooke chirped, stepping into Lucas' room, balloons and a brand new teddy bear in her arms.

"Mommy!" Lucy cried faintly. Her eyes were brighter and more alert.

"Hey, honey bug," Brooke replied fondly. She tied the balloons to Lucy's bed and handed her the teddy bear. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," the little girl replied decisively, hugging her toy close.

"Good." Brooke sat down on the chair by the bed and smiled. "I talked to the nurses and they said that you can have jello for supper. Sounds yummy, huh?"

Lucy's lip poked out. "When do I get to go home?"

Brooke smoothed Lucy's blonde hair back. "In a few days, honey bug, when you feel all better." She noticed that Lucy had just referred to Peyton's house as home. That was a Freudian slip if there ever was one.

Lucy's eyes were wide with sudden worry. "You're staying, right? Tonight? With me?"

_Like mother, like daughter_, Brooke mused, blinking back tears. "I'm not going to leave you, Luce, I promise."

Lucy relaxed and her heavy eyelids fell closed. "Good. Will Lucas come visit me, Mommy? He promised to read to me."

She smiled weakly, surprised at her daughter's sudden attachment to Lucas. Maybe she'd underestimated the power of intuition and connections forged in blood; Lucy clearly felt comfortable around him. "Sure, Luce." She may have been pissed off concerning Lucas' earlier comments, but she knew she'd deserved some of what he'd dished out, and she wasn't about to deprive her daughter of anything. "I know he'd love to."

"Mm," Lucy said in approval, drifting off to sleep.

Brooke propped her elbows on the mattress and rested her chin in her hands. "I'm sorry, honey," she said softly, watching as Lucy's chest rose and fell with even breaths. "I wish things hadn't gotten so complicated, that we hadn't brought so much confusion into your life." She sighed. "But we all love you, baby. That's the real reason we've done all that we have."

-x-

Peyton sat alone on the stone wall that formed a circle around the fountain at the hospital's side entrance. It was the only place on the hospital's grounds deemed far enough away for smokers to congregate. The usual suspects had, however, long since disappeared, and Peyton was left alone with her thoughts and a single cigarette.

She heard footsteps approaching and shivered a little. It was strange to know someone so well that she even knew the sound of his footfalls, but she did.

Without preamble, he tugged the cigarette from her lips and stomped on it. When she chanced a glance up at his face, she was met with a stormy scowl.

"What the hell, Peyton?" His voice held less venom than she had expected it to.

"You're talking to me now?" she whispered.

Lucas sat down next to her and sighed. "What were you _thinking_?"

"I wanted to tell you."

"She's my daughter," he said, almost in wonderment, shaking his head.

A lump formed in Peyton's throat. "She is."

"I don't…I _can't_ understand. This was what you wanted, what _we_ wanted. Peyt, God…you could have _called_ me."

"I did," she told him, staring at her snuffed-out cigarette.

"I called you," she repeated. "Once." It was her biggest secret to date – she may have been keeping her child a secret from the man sitting next to her, but no one, not a single person, knew about that phone call.

He stared at her in utter disbelief. "_And_?"

"Lindsey picked up the phone."

"Shit," he said on a sharp breath. "Peyton…"

"You left me, for her. I couldn't just expect you to run back to me because…because we were having a baby."

"But I would have," he said softly.

Her eyes travelled to meet his. "And what would that have said about our relationship?"

Lucas shook his head, his eyes a deep, dark, devastated blue. "I don't know, okay? I screwed up, I admit it, I really fucked things up and I'm _sorry_. But don't you dare sit there and play martyr. Lucy's my daughter, _our_ daughter," he whispered reverently, "and she calls _Brooke_ mommy. Jesus, Peyton. That's something you can't take back! You know that from your own experience."

"I know. I…I regret it _every day_ but…" she shrugged helplessly. "When I found out I was pregnant it broke my heart that you weren't there…but I was still happy. I thought that I'd raise her and soon enough you'd come back…and we'd be the family I'd dreamed of."

"Lucy," he murmured, her name sweet on his tongue. "Is that…?"

"For you," she confirmed. "No matter what I did, she's a part of you. And I knew that you'd love her."

"Her last name…"

Peyton nodded. "She's your daughter. What other name could she have?"

"Davis," he said pointedly. "What _happened_?"

"I got scared," she said simply. "When she was born…God, Lucas. She was so _perfect_ and tiny and fragile…she had your nose," she added, her throaty laugh catching around a sob. "I was petrified. I didn't know how to take care of a newborn or a child in general – I didn't have either of my moms for very long. Lucy seemed to breakable, so purse. I didn't…want her to experience what had been my life. I knew, I always knew that all that apprehension was a natural part of having your first child…but _none_ of it seemed as scary when I knew you'd be right there with me."

Peyton swallowed hard. "Brooke was such a natural. The first time she held Lucy…I wanted that for my daughter. A better life than I could give her. I was a _mess_ – but I didn't want to lose her from my life. Brooke seemed like the logical choice. She thought I was crazy, but…she's my best friend. She does all she can for me."

Lucas sighed. His heart felt heavy. "But now…Lucy grew up, Peyton. She formed an attachment, she thinks Brooke is her mom." He struggled to keep the coldness out of his voice. "Okay, fine, so you had no faith in your ability as a parent." She winced, but he didn't take it back. "Maybe I'm selfish, but as you've said, she's _my_ daughter, too. Did it occur to you that I'd want to raise her? Or that I'd want back in her life when I found out?"

"Of course it did," she said softly. "I left everything open for you. She's got your last name. All she knows about you, her dad, is that you're a great guy who really loves her and who misses her everyday."

A high percentage of his anger dissolved with those words, but he sighed again. "So what now? I walk into her life?"

"The choice is yours." The world was blurred and spinning around her.

Lucas' tone softened considerably. "But what about you?" He wanted to hate her, but it was so impossible. She had an unshakeable hold on his heart.

Peyton shrugged one trembling shoulder, and it was only then that he realized that she looked almost as sick as Lucy did, pale and thin. "What _about_ me?" she asked rhetorically. "You get what you give, right?"

Despite all of his instincts screaming to the contrary, he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her body into his, letting her curl up against his chest. She let out a heavy breath and closed her eyes.

"I understand if you hate me," she whispered, as bravely as she could.

Lucas closed his eyes as well, resting his cheek against her head. "Maybe I should." He paused. "But I don't."


	16. Fifteen

**A/N:** Quick update this time! I'm pretty proud of myself. I finally have an almost-complete plan for every chapter of this story, and I'm going to try my very hardest to update at least every two weeks…but life has this tendency to get in the way.

You guys are entirely awesome; thank you times a million for your feedback, it's always great to hear, be it positive, negative, or somewhere in between.

Oh, and **leyton-is-lovee**…you totally called this chapter. :P

**Fifteen:** February 29th, 2006; Tree Hill, North Carolina

Lucas walked through the door that opened directly into the kitchen, throwing his keys onto the table and shrugging off his coat.

He jumped a bit when he turned around: Peyton was sitting at the table, though she hadn't made a noise since he'd entered. She looked like she'd been crying recently, but that wasn't an out of the ordinary occurrence as of late. It was however, odd for her to be sitting up, waiting for him. He expected her to be lying in bed by now – not necessarily asleep, but definitely in bed. She just looked up at him, waiting for him to speak.

"Hey, babe," he said tenderly, reaching out to stroke her cheek. She recoiled from his touch, but that no longer came as a surprise to him, either. He reminded himself, as he always did, not to take it personally, but that was so much easier said than done. He frowned worriedly nonetheless. "Another negative test?"

She shook her head, determined not to let her tears spill over. The fact that just days – _hours_ – ago she'd wanted nothing more than to have another baby seemed almost laughable to her now. "Your meeting ran late, huh?"

"Yeah," he agreed, unable to look her in the eye.

Peyton looked down into her lap. She had known Lucas almost all of her life. This was the man she loved with all her heart. In many senses, he was her best friend; he'd always been her protector; he was the one she ran to with any and every problem. He'd given her a ring that felt noticeably heavy on her finger now, a ring that was light and airy with hope and love, promises and thoughts of tomorrow, when he'd placed it on her finger. She wanted to marry him. She wanted to have a _family _with him. She'd never thought she could both love him and hate him quite as much as she did as she looked at him now.

"So," she began, her tone formal and detached as she cleared her throat, "you were gone for what, four hours?"

He frowned at her, puzzled, but shrugged and nodded. That sounded about right.

"Right. So I was just wondering…" She gulped down a sob. She'd never wanted to be this girl, but here she was. "How much of that time did you spend talking about your book, which I keep hearing is practically a love letter to _me_…and how much of that time did you spend fucking Lindsey?"

Lucas felt all the blood drain from his face as he gaped at her. "Peyt…"

She cursed the sobs welling in her throat, holding up his cell phone with a shaky hand. "All this time when I've been hoping that we could get pregnant again…you've been having text sex with your editor."

He sank into the chair across from her. "Peyton," he breathed, searching his mind for something, _anything_ to say to her.

Peyton slid his phone over to him. "I get it. I know I'm not the best sex right now or anything. I know that I spend half my time crying. I know –"

"Peyton," he pleaded.

"But I just…I don't know. I really love you and I thought…I just figured that that was enough."

"It _is_," he said desperately, "it's just that…"

She shrugged. "That I'm only interested in sleeping with you to get pregnant?"

She was trying to be so strong, so casual, but Lucas could see vulnerability in every single part of her body, and it made his heart ache. "You don't even look at me when we have sex," he told her quietly, unable to hold it in any longer. That, and a lot of other things, he'd been missing them. Talking to her, for instance. Just talking. Watching movies. Cooking together. Kissing on the couch. Walking down the boardwalk at night, their fingers intertwined and her head on his shoulder.

"You don't understand," she whispered brokenly.

"I _do_, Peyton! You just won't acknowledge that! The baby you lost was _ours_, not _yours_. You won't _talk_ to me, you won't _look_ at me, it's like you're slipping away –"

"I get it, okay?" she snapped tearfully, her eyes hysterically bright. "You blame me."

"_No_!" Lucas insisted vehemently, looking her straight in the eye. "God, Peyt, _no_, I don't."

"It's okay," she said, feeling so goddamn disconnected from him that it hurt. Lucas could normally understand her so well. "It's okay, I just…I want things back the way they were, Luke."

"Babe…" Lucas reached across the table and took both of her hands in his. He was relieved when she didn't pull away. "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to try again, but we do _not_ need to have a baby to make those things true. I've never blamed you, not _once_. We _can_ go back, Peyt. I just need you to _let_ me _in_."

Her chin was quivering. "I don't want to lose you, too. I don't think I can."

Lucas ran the back of his finger gently down her cheek. "I'm right here."

Peyton shook her head stubbornly. "You're having an _affair_. There is a _packed suitcase_ in the back of _our_ closet, and I can't even bring myself to think about what that means." She yanked her hands out of his, shuddering at the thought of her husband's hands and Lindsey's body. "Maybe we should just face it."

"What?" Lucas asked nervously, his heart palpitating in his chest.

Her eyes held only grief and disappointment when they met his. "That our dreams died with our baby."

-x-

Brooke gently pulled the packing tape out of Peyton's trembling hands, holding in a troubled sigh. "Peyton," she said softly, "Are we going to talk about this or are you going to take your anger out on the tape?"

The blonde stared fixedly at the box she'd been intending to tape closed. "Lucas will be back in less than an hour. I want to get all of my stuff out of the house before then. So, if you don't want to help, leave. Either way, just let me finish. Tape, please."

"Peyton," the designer said, releasing her sigh. "I don't want you to leave. I don't think you _should_."

Her friend's eyes were dull with loss. "This is the house where I was going to raise my family. I can't be here anymore."

"I know," she soothed. "I know that. I mean Tree Hill. I don't want you to go rushing off to L.A. like this."

"I got a job there once, I can do it again."

"That's not what I'm talking about, and you know it."

"Brooke…" Peyton tugged her fingers through her tangled blonde hair. "What do you want from me?"

"I want a _reaction_," Brooke responded desperately. "You showed up at Naley's late at night, asked to stay, and all you told them was that you and Lucas were over. Just like that. Honey, you've barely cried, you haven't yelled…and now you're running away."

"I'm not mad," Peyton whispered after a pregnant pause.

"But babe, why _not_?"

"Look at me, Brooke," she sighed, extending her arms to the side as if to give the brunette a better view. "Look at _us_. We lost our baby; I understand that he's hurting…I feel it, too. And me…I'm a mess," she stated, gesturing to her haphazard ponytail and oversized grey sweater. "Why would he want me?"

"Peyton," Brooke gasped incredulously. "He loves you. He's a jerk of _the_ highest order, but I know that he loves you."

"It's not working," she whispered.

"Bull!" Brooke shot back strongly, a frown tugging the corners of her lips downward. "You're saying that because you want an excuse for all of this," she said firmly, making a sweeping gesture with her arm to indicate the half-packed room.

Peyton sank into a chair, looking thoroughly defeated. "It's the truth. I look at him and I don't even recognize what I see in his eyes sometimes. I know he feels the same way."

Brooke softened her tone as she spoke, nudging Peyton over so that they could squeeze into the armchair together. "_Sometimes_, P. Sawyer. But not all the time, right? He's still Lucas and you're still Peyton. You're still in love. You have to be." To Brooke, it seemed as though the universe was off-kilter when Lucas and Peyton weren't with one another or, at the very least, pining for each other.

Tears gathered in Peyton's eyes, one of the few times she'd allowed herself to cry since her confrontation with Lucas in the kitchen nearly a week ago. "I really, really thought that was enough, B. Davis. I wanted to believe what Ellie told me, about fairytales and happy endings. But it isn't enough, just to love someone. A relationship takes more than that. _Marriage_ definitely takes more than that."

"No one said it was easy," she replied gently. "Nothing ever really is. But I just don't understand why you aren't fighting harder. You never give up this easily. You have to work for it, Peyton."

"Lucas didn't bother working for it," she muttered bitterly.

"That doesn't mean you have to stop. Fight for it, P., I've always called you a warrior. Prove it. Not to me, to Luke."

"It's killing me, Brooke," Peyton said softly, her tone even. "To think of how happy we were, to think of how miserable we are now, and the fact that he had to go out of our home, away from me, to find whatever it was he needed. It's going to hurt…like _hell_ to leave him. He's my forever. But I have to take that chance, because I can't imagine hurting quite like I do now. And I don't…" She paused before admitting, "I don't want to be that girl. The one that stays with her guy after he cheats."

"This is different," Brooke protested weakly. "Lucas is in the wrong, I'm completely behind you on this…but these aren't ordinary circumstances. You just have to find your way back."

"People that are meant to be together always find their way back to each other in the end," Peyton murmured, raising an eyebrow pointedly.

"Yeah," Brooke whispered. "They do, P. Sawyer. They do."

She nodded, and all of a sudden her chin was quivering like she was no more than four years old. The thought that had been plaguing her since she'd announced to her fiancé that they were over turned into words that spilled out of her mouth. "But what if Lucas and I aren't those people?"

-x-

"Jackass. Moron. Imbecile. Jerk. Dimwitted _scoundrel_," Haley growled.

Lucas sighed as he lifted his head from the counter, meeting two sets of eyes alight with anger and disapproval. "Are you done?" he asked wearily.

"To think people used to call _me_ the bad guy," Nathan muttered, pulling a can of soda out of the fridge before he turned to face Lucas again. "Who's more like Dan now, huh?"

Catching the devastated expression on her best friend's face, Haley shot her husband a look. "Okay, low blow." She turned back to Lucas. "Yes," she answered him. "I'm done."

"I don't know what to do," he said, surprised at how much his voice was shaking. "She won't listen to anything I say to her…it's just like it's always been for these past few months. I'm stuck, just watching her suffer, because she won't let me help her."

"I know it's been hard," Haley responded softly. "Really hard, on you both, and I wholeheartedly sympathize, you know that. But Lucas, in what effing universe does having an affair help that situation at _all_?"

"I just needed somebody," he muttered lamely.

"You have _me_," she said firmly, scowling.

"Uh…what?" Nathan asked uneasily.

She shot him another glare. "To _talk_ to. I'm _always_ here for you, Luke," she said decisively, returning her gaze to her depressed, lifelong friend. "So is Nathan, so is Brooke! Your mom, Keith…you have so many people that love you, that would do anything for you."

Before Nathan could input his opinion, she glanced over her shoulder at him and said, "Take whatever sex-oriented connotation you got out of that and throw it _out_ of your mind."

He held up both hands in surrender and moved closer to them both. "Luke, seriously…what were you _thinking_?"

"I-I know you guys are here, and I love you for it, but I needed someone who didn't…know everything, not like you guys do. And yeah, the physical aspect was something, I just needed an escape."

"Peyton needs one, too, bro," Nathan said solemnly. "What did you expect her to do?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "I don't know."

"Grief clouds judgment," Haley said with a sigh of her own. "Lucas, Peyton told me that you had a suitcase packed. What the hell is that?" Her question was serious and demanding, but she kept her voice soft and gentle.

"I feel so powerless," he admitted. "It's always…been my instinct to save her. Even when she wouldn't let anyone else in, she let me. This time, she won't _let_ me, and I don't…"

"Oh, Lucas," Haley said, resting her hand over his as tears filled his eyes. "You can't save her from the world. You've tried as hard as you can. This is just bigger than that. I know it hurts to hear, but it's true."

"Suitcase?" Nathan reminded them, tapping his foot impatiently. He'd developed a rather brotherly attitude toward Peyton since their breakup many years ago, and it had him clenching his fists as he thought about the tears he'd seen her cry over the past few months.

"It was like I didn't exist," he choked out. "Or at least _we_ didn't exist together. I thought that, maybe I'd go to New York for a couple weeks. It was selfish and…idiotic, yeah, and it was for my own good, but I really hoped…"

"What?" Haley prodded.

"I hoped that once I was gone for a little while she'd remember that I mattered, that she needed me," he sighed, hanging his head. "I can't _lose_ her, Hales."

"Her decisions are hers to make, Luke," she told him as kindly as she could. "I know that she still loves you…but you were prepared to give her time before, though in a sort of convoluted way. Now you've got to hold yourself to that. Give her space to breathe for a little bit."

"This wasn't supposed to happen."

"I know, man," Nathan said quietly, aware that his brother was referring to Peyton's miscarriage.

"We should work through it _together_," he said fiercely. "I have to make her stay. Somehow, I have to."

Haley moved to stand at his side and began rubbing his back. "You can't, buddy. Neither of you are faultless, but you've hurt her so badly. I know that you love her, but…it's a cliché, right? Hurting the ones you love?" She rested her head against his shoulder. "Peyton does not love anyone in this world as much as she loves you. She has to remember that on her own…apologizing, yelling, or begging, even crying, or making promises…nothing is going to change that fact."

"What now?" he murmured, his heart thumping in his chest as if to protest the fact that it was breaking in two.

Haley glanced at her husband with worried eyes. "I…I don't know, Luke. I'm sorry, but I don't know."

-x-

Peyton placed her hands on her hips as her eyes scanned the room, hoping that she hadn't forgotten anything.

She was smiling. At least, her mouth was. She was trying to employ the James-Lange theory, which stated that by forcing your body into certain actions, your mind would automatically shift to change to the mood or emotion associated with those actions.

It wasn't working, not at all, so she let her facial muscles rest.

She heard the door open but she didn't turn around, assuming it was just Brooke again, back to pick up something she'd forgotten or to beg her once more not to leave.

"This is it?" an all too familiar voice murmured from the entrance way, and she whirled around, suddenly very self-conscious about the fact that she was wearing shorts.

She crossed her arms over her chest and frowned. It made her cheeks ache. "You're not supposed to be back for ten minutes," she said grumpily, gesturing to the timer she'd set.

"Aren't you precise." He was mocking her, but not cruelly.

"Why are you early?" she demanded, determined not to get off topic.

One look into his eyes took her breath away and gave her the answer.

_Because he loved her_.

"Lucas, please don't do this…"

"I'm not going to stop you," he sighed. "You've made that very clear that I can't."

She took a moment to look at him. Her true love, her always, her forever…

Her ex.

A tear was trailing down her cheek before she even realized that she was going to cry. He was wearing the same sweater he'd had on on the day she'd informed him that she pregnant. It bothered her to no end that he was wearing it now, a reminder of what may have been the happiest they'd ever been, on this, the very worst day in their relationship.

"Peyt…" His voice was soft, soothing, loving. He took a couple cautious steps toward her, but she shook her head, backing away.

She stared down at the floor. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," he said instantly.

"Are you…are you going to go be with her?" She didn't want to care, but she did. She cared with every fiber of her being.

Lucas looked at her for a moment. She was so broken, and for once he was the cause rather than the solution. Of all things about this moment, he hated that the most.

He walked toward her as he spoke, ignoring her wary eyes. "I got in an accident, when I was fourteen. That car crash. Do you remember?"

"Of course I do," she said, her voice more tender than she'd meant it to be. It had terrified her. She'd started hyperventilating in the hospital hallway, and Karen had taken time away from worrying about her son to pull her into a hug and help her to calm down, assuring her that this was _not_ going to be like the last time she visited a victim of a car crash in the very same hospital.

"I heard you. When I was unconscious, you came to talk to me…and I heard you." At her shocked expression, he elaborated, "I didn't mention it because you were with Nathan, and things were crazy – I thought you'd be embarrassed. But I heard you." He took a deep breath and quoted those quiet words from so long ago, "_I just want you to know that I'm here. And I will wait forever if I have to_."

She sucked in air, lost in his eyes.

"So in answer to your question: no, I'm not going to be with her. I'm so sorry for _everything_, Peyton, but I need you to know that I don't want her. I want _you_. No matter what things are like." He paused, and concluded, "And I will wait forever if I have to."

She honestly didn't know what was going to happen. Part of her wanted to kiss him. Part of her wanted to slap him. A large part of her wanted to collapse into his arms and cry. Another part of her just wanted to get the hell out of the house.

But then her movers arrived, ringing the doorbell and marching in, their dirty boots leaving scuff marks on the kitchen floor that Lucas would have to clean up on his own.

And to him, it seemed like barely a second before she was gone, and he was left alone in a half-empty house that was no longer home.

-x-

She showed up on Brooke's doorstep that evening, wearing a sheepish smile despite the tear tracks on her pale cheeks. She hadn't been able to get on the plane.

And eight days later, the phone at his tiny NY apartment was ringing and it was _her_ on the line, the girl he loved above all others, sobbing about her father's death… and finally admitting that she needed him.


	17. Sixteen

**A/N:** I'm breaking the scared back-and-forth rule, which means that the next _two_ chapters will occur in present time since this is the second one in the _past_. While it may seem like that will mess up the flow of the story...I think it'll work. Plus, this was what I had written and I've kind of been neglecting **HYH** lately. Sorry! I'm so anal that I'll probably end up switching them around when the story's done...but for now, this is what you get.

Alright, so I realize that this might be a little repetitive after last night's episode, but it was time for an update, and I had half of this written. I stole a little bit from the show for the second half just because, let's face it, it was pretty much perfect. I tried to keep it as original as I could, though. So again I apologize for the repetitiveness…but seriously, is anyone tired of talking about the LP baby? Or watching the last scene over and over on YouTube? The answer: no. ;)

Reviews are just about as wonderful as tummy kisses. Enjoy.

**Sixteen: **December 17th, 2005; Tree Hill, North Carolina

"_Fuck_," Peyton muttered, running a hand through her hair and pacing the length of her studio in exasperation.

"Hey, it's okay," Haley piped up, her voice calm and comforting.

"It's not!" she cried, turning and pacing back toward her friend. "Haley, I _quit_ my job. I have, like, _no_ money. I'm living off of Lucas' earnings right now. I'm only nineteen years old, and _already_ everything I've worked for is falling apart!I need to _do_ something with my life, and I can't have a recording studio until the _stupid_ electrician shows _up!_" She flung the electrician's business card across the room in frustration, staring after it with unadulterated anger in her eyes.

"Okay," Haley said in the same gentle voice, walking over and placing her hands on Peyton's shoulders. "How about you sit down, okay?" she asked softly, settling the blonde on the piano bench. "Take a deep breath."

"God, I'm dizzy," Peyton murmured, burying her face in her hands. She was hit by a sudden wave of nausea and clapped a hand over her mouth to avoid gagging. "Oh, that…do you smell that?"

Haley straightened up and sniffed the air. "Paint, you mean?"

"No…" Peyton shook her head and massaged her temples. "Maybe I'm getting the flu. Isn't there a bug going around? That one with the…throat thing and the…" She stopped for a moment, sucking in air in the hope of keeping her nausea at bay. "The…stomach thing?" she finished lamely. She remembered Brooke mentioning something about how her employees were dropping like flies, but she didn't know what that was in reference to.

She glanced up at Haley, looking for an answer, and discovered that her almost-sister-in-law was gaping at her. Haley's mouth hung open and her eyes were saucer wide. "Oh my God," Haley breathed.

Peyton glared at her, suddenly irritated with everything. "What's your problem?"

"Peyton…" A smile snuck onto Haley's face, but she wiped it off quickly. She sat down next to her friend and placed a hand on her knee. "I…are…"

"What?" Peyton asked suspiciously, pulling back.

"Are you…don't yell at me, okay?"

"Haley," she sighed in frustration.

"Okay, sorry, I just…Peyton…"

"Spit it out, already," she huffed.

And Haley blurted, "Are you…_pregnant_?"

Peyton just stared at her for a moment, before a sound that may or may not have been a small laugh escaped her lips. "I can't be," she said softly, giving Haley a warning look.

"Oh my God," her friend repeated.

A loud knocking on the doorframe made them both jump, and a grungy-looking guy asked, "Um, yeah…you need an electrician, right?"

Haley glanced back at Peyton, who shook her head, muttering, "I'm going to be sick," and rushed out the door before Haley could say even one word.

She sighed. She didn't know whether to cry tears of joy or worry. "Electrician," she commented, plastering on a smile. "Right. Come on in."

-x-

She ran both hands through her hair as she paced the tiled floor of the bathroom. She couldn't stay still. She took deep breaths as she gnawed at her thumbnail viciously. "Shit," she murmured when her teeth cut into her skin, drawing blood. She grabbed a tissue and wrapped it around her finger.

"Who'm I kidding?" she whispered to the empty house. "I swear all the time. Mothers don't do that. And I…" She blew out her breath. "I'm too young."

_Haley was younger_, the little voice in her head reminded her.

"But I'm not _like_ Haley," she whined aloud, sinking down to the floor with her back against the bathtub. Haley had instincts; she'd always been maternal and intuitive.

Peyton had never really even liked kids.

"Hey."

She started, shoulders jarring backward, and looked up to see Haley standing in the doorway, a sympathetic smile on her face. "Make a noise next time," she grumbled.

Haley ignored her pouty tone, dropping her purse and slipping off her shoes before she joined Peyton on the rug. "Look at you," she said, trying to disguise the laugh in her voice as she smoothed down Peyton's hair and reached for bleeding thumb. "Ouch, you need a Band-Aid."

"Thanks, Mom," Peyton replied, affectionately sarcastic, and immediately regretted her words. Her eyes flew toward the counter, where the little white stick that had the potential to change her entire future sat.

Haley placed her hand over Peyton's bony knee and squeezed gently. "I thought you might need somebody."

Peyton smiled mirthlessly and placed her hand over her friends. "Thank you. And thanks…for earlier."

She waved Peyton's words away. "So…you didn't tell Luke?"

"No," she said softly with a shake of her head.

Haley gently stroked her hair, tucking her curls back behind her ears. "Didn't want to get his hopes up?"

"Are you kidding me?" she asked, eyes wide. "I didn't want to freak him out."

"Peyton…are _you_ kidding _me_? He'd be overjoyed."

"We're _only_ nineteen." She pulled her arm back and buried her face in her hands. "I just wanted to do it right, you know?" she asked vulnerably, her voice muffled. "Luke and I have been through so much drama that I just…I really wanted our happily ever after."

"A baby's not going to take that away from you. It might even make things that much better. I _know_ how much Lucas has always wanted to be a dad; look at how good he is with Jamie."

"But I _suck_ with kids, Hales."

"Oh, honey, no you don't," Haley contradicted her kindly. "You're freaking out, and that's okay. I freaked out. Nathan _definitely_ freaked out. It's perfectly natural to…" She trailed off when she saw that Peyton's shoulders were shaking with tears. "_Peyton_. What is it?"

"Nothing, I'm sorry," she whispered. "Hormones?" she joked weakly, attempting to excuse her tears.

"_Talk_ to me."

"I just…" She lifted her head and looked into Haley's concerned eyes. She shrugged sadly. "I just really miss my mom at moments like this."

"Oh…" Haley felt like hitting herself over the head. She should have thought of that sooner. "I know, Peyt, I'm sorry. But…" She shrugged and smiled as optimistically as she could. "I'm right here with you, and I'll stay as long as you need me. And no _matter_ what that test says, Lucas loves you like crazy, and he's not going to stop. Okay?"

Peyton nodded, her lips twitching up into a smile for a moment. "Okay. Thanks."

"Of course. And honey…"

"Yeah?"

"You have blood on your cheek," Haley laughed.

She half-laughed, half-sobbed, accepting the tissue Haley offered her to wipe it off. "Gross," she said with a watery chuckle, her eyes drifting back to the counter.

"You want me to leave while you look?" Haley asked, interrupting Peyton's train of thought.

"Yeah, I…I really appreciate you being here, but…"

"No, it's okay," Haley assured her as she stood up. "Take as long as you want. I'll make some tea."

-x-

She couldn't help but find it odd that the smallest little blue line on a piece of white plastic could change her life in such extreme ways.

She let the test fall into the garbage and washed her hands again. She could stare at it for as long as she liked, nothing was going to change.

After drying her hands and bandaging her injured thumb, she gazed at her reflection in the mirror for a moment and tried to figure out what was going on in her own mind. She pressed her hand lightly against her flat stomach and she felt a thrill-like tremor run through her body, up her spine, making her shiver. She smiled in spite of herself.

To her reflection, she whispered, "I'm going to be a mom."

There was a soft knock on the door, and she saw it open in the mirror, saw Haley's stick her head in. "I'm sorry, I couldn't wait," her friend apologized, wearing a chagrined smile. "So?" she asked anxiously, eyes wide.

Peyton bit back her smile and met Haley's eyes in the mirror. "I'm going to be a mom," she repeated, louder and stronger, feeling out her future, the taste of the words on her tongue.

"Oh my _God_," Haley squealed. "I'm going to be an aunt! Or, oh my god, make me godmother!" She was practically bouncing up and down, but she stopped abruptly, hesitating. "This is good, right? You're happy."

Peyton was surprised by her own emotions, but she smiled softly and nodded, "I really am."

Haley made an indiscernible sound of joy and bounded toward her, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug. "I am so, so happy for you."

"Thanks, Hales," she laughed from within Haley's tight hold.

Her shorter friend grinned back at her. "You gotta tell Luke."

"Yeah," she agreed softly, her hand drifting back to her stomach. "I do."

-x-

"Hey."

Lucas jumped at the sound from behind him and sighed, turning around. "Way to scare me," he teased his fiancée, who was sitting at the kitchen table, looking oddly formal.

"Sorry," she said, without a smile.

He looked closely at her face, spotted the telltale signs of tears. She wasn't a mess or anything, but he'd known her so intimately for so long that he _knew_ when she'd be crying. "What's going on, Peyt? Are you okay?"

She nudged out the chair next to her with her foot and patted the seat. "Sit, okay?"

"Oh-_kay_.." he said slowly, taking the seat next to her, and gently resting his hand on her thigh. "You're going to have to start talking soon or I'm gonna freak out."

"I have…news," she told him quietly.

"Good or bad?"

His words were so easy and casual that she actually found herself envious. "I guess that…depends on your prespective."

"Peyton. Just tell me."

"I am…" That sounded too formal, so she started over. "I'm…" She sucked in a gulp of air and finally managed to blurt, "Pregnant. I'm pregnant."

She winced on instinct, unsure of what he'd say. His jaw dropped and her stared at her. He didn't speak for a full two seconds and she couldn't bear the silence. "It's early, I know, it's way too early, and we're _way_ too young, right? And you…you have things to do, good things. And I've…I've done nothing. I should accomplish something first, right? This should be happening _years_ from now. And really, I don't know…if I'd be a good mom. I mean, my examples didn't exactly last for long in my life. And Haley…she knows _how_ to be a mom, she does it right. I'm not like that, I don't think I have those…instincts. But at the same time, Lucas, I…I think I'm _happy_. I mean, I just keep thinking about it, and us, and…" She rested both hands on her stomach and waited for him to interrupt her, but he was just staring at her in this way that seemed to combine amusement and admiration. "You don't want to marry me anymore, do you?" she joked weakly.

He chuckled softly, still giving her that look. His hand drifted from her thigh to gently rest over her hands on her belly, and he cupped her cheek in the other hand. He leaned toward her and gave her chaste but amazing, breathtaking, calming kiss.

"I love you so much. And no matter what we have done and we haven't done and what we need to do, no matter how much experience you or I have with kids, this is amazing. I promise. And I would marry you this second if I could."

"You mean that?" she whispered breathily, tears clogging her throat.

Lucas grinned. "Every word."

She reversed the positions of their hands, so that his hand was lying flat against his stomach and hers lay on top. "I'm scared," she confessed. "I really am."

"I am _right_ here with you," he promised her, honest and passionate, like it was all she needed to hear.

And it was.

-x-

"Hey, P. Sawyer eventually-will-be Scott," Brooke greeted her happily as she walked into Clothes over Bro's. "What's up?"

"Um, I'm pregnant," she said, and then bought to urge to hit herself over the head with the gigantic binder of designs Brooke was holding.

Said binder toppled out of her best friend's hands and to the floor as Brooke shrieked, "_What_?"

"Yeah, I could've told you that in a more…practiced way," Peyton said with an apologetic smile, a shrug, and a nervous laugh.

"Oh my _God_!" Brooke cried. "You're having a baby! With Luke! …Luke, right?"

Peyton picked a scarf off the table she was standing closest to and threw it at her friend. "No, obviously not with my fiancé," she said sarcastically.

Brooke rolled her eyes and tossed the scarf, which she'd caught, aside. "Come here so I can hug you!"

She laughed and walked over, throwing her arms around the brunette with just as much enthusiasm.

"Oh, this is so unfair," Brooke said with a playful pout when they pulled apart. "Naley are married with a kid. You and Lucas are _going_ to get married, and you're _going_ to have a kid." She huffed angrily. "Who would've thought that _I_ would be the late bloomer?"

Peyton burst out laughing, she couldn't help herself. "You're not. You're…you're too much, that's what you are."

"I can't believe you're going to be a mom," Brooke said, eyes shining with the kind of admiration and emotion and pride that Peyton had always thought she'd see in _her_ mother's eyes when she spoke the same words.

She reached out and gave Brooke another hug, this one less crazy and more earnest. "Thanks for always being there for me," she said softly. "Through everything. I wouldn't be where I am now without you."

Brooke gave her an extra squeeze and pulled back quickly, waving her hand in front of her eyes and glancing upward. "Stop, stop, you're gonna make me cry."

Peyton could feel tears gathering in her own eyes. "That's such a bad thing?"

"I'm _so_ happy for you, P. Sawyer," Brooke gushed, before grinning hesitantly and asking, "I get godmother, right?"

She shrugged, laughing. "You might have to fight Haley for it."

"Cocktails – _mock_tails," Brooke corrected herself. "My place, tomorrow, girl's night."

"Not tonight?"

"No," she replied with a kind smile and an overly dramatic sigh. "I'll let your baby daddy have you for tonight."

She laughed, wincing. "Never say that again."

"Get outta here, mama," Brooke told her with a wink and a laugh. "And practice telling people so you don't give them a heart attack!" she yelled as an afterthought as Peyton stepped out the door.

-x-

"You okay?"

She opened her eyes just as Lucas' lips pressed against her temple as he settled into bed next to her.

"Yeah," she assured him with a small smile, wiping away the moisture under her eyes. "Your mom crying got me crying," she said with a weak laugh.

"She was happy, huh?" he asked lightly, gently pushing her mussed-up curls out of her face.

"Yeah…my dad was, too," she said, smiling brightly.

"I'm glad. I thought he might yell at me for getting you pregnant out of wedlock."

She rolled her eyes, giggling. "You're such a _nerd_, who says _wedlock_?"

"Oh, but you love my nerdy-ness," he countered, tracing his fingers lightly up and down her arm. "How do you think I knocked you up?

She giggled, blushing, and admitted that she did. She sobered up before she said seriously, "My dad trusts you, Luke. He knows that you have always taken care of me. That you'll take care of us," she added as her fiancé's hand came to rest on her belly.

Lucas slowly pushed the hem of her shirt upward, leaving her stomach bare, hands moving over her skin. She felt another onslaught on tears gather in her lower lashes as he bent down and pressed his lips just to the right of her belly button. She didn't have words, so she just threaded her fingers lightly through his hair and hoped he could understand everything she was feeling from the watery smile she rewarded him with when he glanced up at her.

He kissed several other spots, his lips light, his hands tender when he touched her. "We made a miracle," he said reverently.

Her tears spilled over, dripping down her cheeks toward her pillow, and she tucked her hand under his chin, bringing him back up to her so that she could kiss him. "Cheesy," she scolded, unable to keep the smile from her lips. "Nerd."

Their hands linked together atop her tummy as he laughed, "But you love me that way," he repeated, his thumb moving gently back and forth against her skin.

She nodded, thinking about the months to come, lying in bed with his hands and his lips communicating how much he loved her and their unborn baby. The way he looked at her was enough to make her fall for him all over again. "Yeah, I really do."


	18. Seventeen

**A/N:** I had doubts about this chapter. The drama isn't exactly over, but I think I'm satisfied for the moment. I'm sorry this update took a while; I just needed some angst in my real life to get it out on paper which, I suppose, has its benefits and its drawbacks.

This one's for **Neera** because…well, because you threatened to kill me if I didn't update. :P Don't expect that to work ever again! I hope you _all_ enjoy it. Reviews would be lovely.

**Seventeen: **September 17th, 2011; St. Flora, North Carolina

He was determined. He was unstoppable. He marched down the hallway with his jaw set and his mind made up. He approached the room with a purpose; he was going to go in there and –

He stopped short, momentarily struck speechless by the sight that greeted him when he opened the door of Lucy's hospital room.

Brooke and Peyton were perched on either side of the bed, flanking the little girl, who had a lot more colour in her cheeks and a book resting on her lap. Both Peyton and Brooke glanced up the moment he walked in, their expressions the exact same mix of guilt and pride. Lucy, oblivious to the sudden tension, chirped, "Hi, Lucas."

He smiled in return; he couldn't help it. "Hey, kiddo. Whatcha reading?"

She lifted the book to show him the title. "Do you want to read to me?" she asked shyly. "You do better voices."

Every time he looked at her he found a little more of himself. "I'd love to, Luce, but I was actually hoping to talk to your mom…and your aunt." His chest ached: as his gaze drifted from Peyton to Brooke, her eyes fell on Brooke, then Peyton. He swallowed over the lump in his throat and asked, "Let me steal them for a couple minutes, 'kay? I promise I'll read to you after."

Her smile lit the room. "Okay."

"Thanks, princess." He winked at her before lifting his gaze, raising his eyebrows as he regarded his ex-girlfriends.

They both leaned down. Brooke whispered something in Lucy's ear that made her giggle delightedly, while Peyton kissed the little girl's forehead tenderly.

They clasped hands as they stepped out of the room as if they were facing an enemy, and it annoyed him. He knew that this was one hell of a mess, and that they were both scared, but they were also both _at fault_.

He had a speech prepared. He knew exactly what he wanted to say. But he was nervous, and the words spilled out of his mouth without much thought attached to them. "I want custody," he blurted, starting out with the sentence that was meant to conclude his lengthy, logical lecture.

Brooke and Peyton both blinked in surprise, before communicating silently with one another through a long gaze. They dropped each other's hands and he felt less under attack. Brooke planted her hands over her hips authoritatively while Peyton crossed her arms over her chest in a protective stance.

"Okay," Brooke said after the words sank in. "Yeah, okay, that's…fair. I'll call my lawyer as soon as she's out of here, okay? We've discussed possibilities involving joint custody before, so it shouldn't be –"

Lucas opened his mouth to contradict her, to interrupt, but Peyton beat him to it and it was her voice that said the words. She eyed him warily as she spoke: "Brooke…he doesn't mean _joint_ custody." Her words were quiet and shocked.

Brooke's eyes widened considerably and she crossed her arms over her chest as well. "So what _are_ you suggesting, Lucas?" she asked, her tone colder and more cautious.

"I want custody," he said simply, wishing he'd gone on his rational spiel beforehand. "Full custody of my daughter."

Her teeth sank into her lower lip. "You can't be serious."

"I am."

Peyton took a step that moved her forward a bit, but more to the side, so that part of her body shielded Brooke's. She looked right at him with those green eyes that he'd rarely been able to say no to. "Luke," she said softly, and he had to close his eyes. She still said his name the exact same way. "Don't punish her for how I've hurt you."

"You _should_ have told me," he told her frankly, trying to remain detached. "But Brooke _could_ have."

It was her turn to plant her hands on her hips and glare at him. "Lucas, don't you dare."

"Peyton." Brooke touched her elbow and shook her head. "It's okay. Really. He's right."

"I am?" Lucas asked as Peyton demanded, "He is?"

A small, rueful smile tugged Brooke's glossy lips upward. "Yes. I'm not exactly faultless here."

"You _are_. You were helping me!"

Brooke stared at her for a long moment, choosing her next words very, very carefully. "Maybe it's time that Lucy knew who…_both_ her parents really are."

Peyton's chin quivered and she shook her head stubbornly. "I promised you that I'd never do that to you!"

The brunette blinked quickly to prevent any tears from spilling out of her eyes. "Yeah, honey, but that doesn't mean I believed you." Peyton started to turn away but Brooke's hand slid down the blonde's slender arm to tug on her hand. "Hey. P. I know it's scary, okay? I know you're still scared. But even if _you're_ not ready, Lucas _is_. And so is Luce. She's _right here_. She's right here and she's perfectly fine and alive and happy and she _loves_ you. And her father is standing right here with you, too, and you need to make a choice."

Lucas swallowed hard again as he watched a multitude of emotions dance across his ex-fiancée's face.

"Peyton, it's okay to make mistakes," Brooke said softly. "And everything that you think you've done wrong…there's nothing there that's unforgivable, no matter what your own opinion is or what you idiot of an ex-boyfriend's is," she added, flashing Lucas a perfectly fake smile. "But making the same mistake, _twice_?" she continued in a whisper. "Don't do that, P. Sawyer. Don't do it to yourself or to anyone else."

She stared at the floor, blonde curls, greasy as the result of more time spent at the hospital than at home taking care of her appearance, tumbling down to hide her face. Lucas couldn't help it. He wanted to hate her _so badly_, but he found himself reaching out to grasp her hand, intertwining their fingers and running his thumb soothingly across her knuckles. She gripped back tightly, and in his peripheral vision he saw Brooke release her grip on the blonde's other hand.

Peyton glanced up at him, still holding on to his hand so tightly it was almost painful. "Tell her you're her dad," she murmured, taking a deep breath. She straightened up and looked right at him, and he saw in her face the familiar tragic beauty he'd come to associate with this girl. "She should know. I want her to know."

-x-

"Brooke?"

She glanced up to say Haley peering down at her, concern etched on her face. "Hey," she said weakly, wiping at her eyes. "Lucy's fine," she added quickly, not wanting to panic her friend.

"Good," Haley replied softly as she perched next to her. "So what did I miss?" Even if Lucy was fine, it definitely didn't look like Brooke was.

Brooke smiled bitterly. "Something that's been a long time coming. It's true, you know. What they say." She sighed. "Knowing it, waiting for it…that doesn't make it any easier."

Haley extended an arm, pulling her friend close and offering her shoulder for Brooke to cry on. She stroked Brooke's brown locks comfortingly. "Why don't you fill me in?" she asked casually.

"Lucas…he wants Lucy to know. And that's good. I know it is. She's always wanted her dad, and Luke can be a screw-up, but he's a _good guy_. He loves her. Already. I know that."

Haley knew her better than that. "Yeah, he does," she agreed quietly. "Now, what aren't you telling me?"

Brooke took a deep breath. "I want Peyton to…I want Lucy to know about her, too. Who her real mom is." She choked on a sob. "Am I _crazy_?"

"A little bit," Haley teased, laughing lightly. "Oh, Brooke, no. You're not. You and I and Nathan…we all knew that one day, someday, they'd have to get it together. And it's only right that Lucy knows who her parents are, especially if they're involved in her life. You have been _so_ good to her, and so strong and brave and amazing, looking after her and loving her. You did Peyton a huge favour and she knows that. It was never her intention to…"

"I know that this is the right way. It's the only way. And one day, I'll finally meet the right a guy and have my own kids. I just…I love her. And I don't want this to scare her."

Haley rested her head against the top of Brooke's. "Nothing is impossible to fix, you know? And we're all going to figure this out. Lucy will…come to love Lucas and Peyton as her parents, but you are always going to have a special relationship with her. You're her godmother. You're the best aunt a little girl could ask for. And you took care of her. She'll never forget that, and she'll always love you for it."

Brooke nodded and moved a little closer to her friend. "You know what really sucks?" she asked with a throaty chuckle, born of a sob.

"What?"

"This isn't even the end," she sighed.

-x-

Lucas had never been so nervous about talking to a kid before. He had a natural ease with children, had always looked forward to fatherhood, and had never before felt so _awkward_ about interacting with a child. Because the thing was, Lucy wasn't just a kid, but _his_ kid.

He still didn't know what to say, partially because Brooke and Peyton were still arguing over it.

"Rip off the Band-Aid," Brooke insisted for what felt like the tenth time. "She should know about you both at once."

"Ease her into it," Peyton shot back stubbornly. "First, just let her get to know Luke."

"She _knows_ you already, P. She's just missing that one significant detail." Brooke sighed. "I know you're scared, but remember what I said earlier? You might not be ready, but Lucy is."

Peyton, well aware that her best friend was correct, didn't bother to contradict her. Instead she went for another approach, blurting, "Should we really be doing this while she's in the hospital?" She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, looking uneasy. "Should we really be doing this at all?"

"It's just gonna get harder," Haley interjected softly, always the voice of wisdom and reason. She was sitting nearby, Jamie's head in her lap as he slept, sprawled out across a couple seats. "The longer you wait, the harder it will get. And no matter what, it'll be a shock to her…but the longer you wait, the harder it'll be not only for _you_, but for her to adjust." She gently ran her fingers through Jamie's hair. "You love her. It's obvious to us all. And when you gave her to Brooke, you said you were doing what was best for her. You have to ask yourself what's best for her _now_."

"I hate it when you're right," Peyton murmured.

Haley smiled wryly. "It's not going to be easy, Peyton. You just have to do it."

Tears gathered in her eyes and Lucas almost hated her for it, but of course, not entirely. He huffed impatiently, hoping they'd all remember that he was still there, losing his mind to his anxiousness. Peyton shrugged one shoulder and her eyes found his, full of apologies that were years too late. "I can't," she whispered tightly. "I just can't."

And she was gone, walking quickly down the hallway before he could even formulate a reply.

"Who the hell does she think she is?" Lucas asked himself, resisting the urge to punch the wall. "Who the _hell_ does she think…"

"Luke," Haley said softly. She was reprimanding him, but she also sounded sympathetic.

"What am I supposed to do, huh?" he shot at her with all his misdirected, pent-up anger pouring out.

She cast him a warning look, glancing pointedly down at her son. She spoke quietly as if to set an example. "You're going to go into that room and tell your daughter that she's your daughter."

Brooke, beside him, gulped. She wasn't ready. Peyton wasn't ready. Lucas was sitting on the fence. But Lucy _was_ ready, she knew that as well as she knew herself. If there was ever a moment to tell her, it was now.

Both she and Peyton had made sacrifices, for reasons that were both wrong and right. This was the last one, the hardest one. The sacrifice that would undo all the damage done by the others, no matter how pure their intentions had been.

"Just go," she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself. "Just _go_, already."

Lucas looked at her for a long moment before slowly extending his hand. She stared at it as thought it was a foreign object.

"Come with me," he said. "You should come with me."

"What?" she breathed. She shook her head, but her hand ended up in his anyway.

"C'mon," he said simply, tugging her after him before either of them could lose what little confidence and certainty they still had.

Lucy looked up when they entered her room and they both plastered on bright smiles. They'd both also apparently overdid it, that much was obvious from the little girl's comically horrified expression.

"Why do you look like that?"

"Like what?" they asked in unison, followed by nervous laughter as they neutralized their expressions.

Lucy frowned, clutching her book. "Is Uncle Lucas going to read to me now?"

"I'm sure he'd absolutely love to, baby girl," Brooke said calmly. She pulled her hand from Lucas' and circled the bed. Following her lead, he walked straight ahead, and they sat down on either side of Lucy. "But we were kind of hoping to talk to you about something first. Is that okay?"

Brooke stroked Lucy's blonde hair with a mirthless smile on her lips after the four-year-old nodded in agreement. "Okay. Well." She took a deep breath, glancing over at Lucas momentarily. "Listen," she sighed. "You and I…we've talked about your daddy, right?"

Lucy nodded enthusiastically and proceeded to list her father's qualities, pretty green eyes sparkling. Lucas could only listen, completely speechless. In all the ways he had been wronged, and after all the wrong he had done, his reputation had somehow stayed strong, at least in his child's mind. She prattled on about the wonderful attributes of her daddy, cheeks a happy, lively pink. She sounded like she'd completely idolized him, and he thought he might cry a tear for every single day of her life that he'd missed.

"Yeah," Brooke agreed, interrupting her gently. "Sounds pretty great, huh?"

"He _is_ pretty great," Lucy said firmly, and Lucas sucked some air in.

Brooke glared at him quickly, warning him not to lose his cool. "Yeah," she said again, smiling encouragingly. "And, um…honey bug, all of those things are true. But…" She sighed. "I haven't always told you the truth about _everything_."

Lucy's eyes were saucer-wide. "You _lied_?"

"I know," Brooke said, wincing appropriately. "And I'm very, very mad at myself, and very, very sorry about it."

"Do you have to go in time out?"

The brunette squeezed her eyes shut for a second. "Believe me, bug," she said softly. "I have been there for a long, long time."

Lucy nodded, satisfied, and waited for Brooke to continue.

"I've always known who your daddy is, and how much he loves you. But what I didn't tell you is that…that he's here."

There was a brief moment of silence before Lucy asked, her voice very small, "_Here_?"

"Yep," Brooke whispered, her smile looking more like a grimace. "He's everything I told you he was, I promise," she assured the little girl, and Lucas shot her a smile of thanks. "Do you think you want to meet him?"

Lucy's little mouth, her perfect rosebud lips, hung open. "Uh-huh," she whispered.

"Okay." Brooke leaned down closer, kissing her cheek one last time before she broke the news and everything changed. "Here's the secret, honey bug," she whispered against Lucy's hair. "Uncle Lucas…is actually…he's your daddy."

Lucy pulled away from her abruptly in shock. Her head swiveled quickly as she turned to look at Lucas, and he made sure to smile gently. "You're my daddy? You're _here_?"

The hope and amazement in her voice broke his heart anew, but he smiled at her nonetheless. "Yeah, princess, I am," he said quietly. "And I am _so_ sorry I'm late."

Her little lips trembled. "I waited a long time," she scolded him.

He couldn't help but grin. "I know, kiddo."

She looked contemplative as she studied him. She tilted her head toward Brooke and asked innocently, "Why don't you love my mommy anymore?"

Lucas didn't have an answer; the question was so very complex that it required a pretty intense response and quite a few other revelations.

Brooke shook her head, unable to take it anymore, and took a plunge neither of them had been planning on. "Listen, baby, I have to tell you one more thing." Lucas' eyes widened considerably across from her, but she forged on. "I love you more than _anything_ in the entire _world_. That's always been true and it'll never change. I never wanted to hurt you, or scare you, or…I need to tell you this even though I don't want to. Does that make sense?" she asked desperately.

Lucy, bewildered, admitted, "No."

Brooke laughed despite herself. "Okay. That's okay. I'm just going to tell you, alright? I love you so much, but…you know how you thought Lucas was your uncle, but he's actually your dad?"

"Uh-huh…"

"Well, honey bug…" Brooke glanced quickly at the ceiling, blinking back tears. "Your aunt Peyton is actually your mom."

Lucy just blinked, but there was a larger-than-usual peak in the monitor still keeping track of her heart. Lucas watched it warily until it settled again, unable to look at Brooke or at the intensity of the confusion and realization on his daughter's face.

"Who are you?" she whispered, tears in her voice.

Brooke was crying, too, by the time she was able to answer. "I'm your godmother, baby, which means that I get to take care of you when your mommy and daddy can't. And I loved that. But now…now they can. So they should. Yeah?"

Lucy stared blankly at the wall.

More tears spilled down Brooke's cheeks as Lucas gazed at her, nearly as shocked as the little girl sitting between them was. "Luce? Honey, please tell me what's going on in that adorable head of yours."

She still didn't look at either of them, huddling in on herself a bit. "I thought it was different," she whispered.

-x-

"Peyton! _Peyton_!"

The blonde whirled around, her eyes widening considerably when she saw Brooke bolting toward her, dodging patients, hospital staff, and machinery in her rush. She was a mess, with tears on her cheeks and her hair escaping its updo.

"Is Lucy okay?" Peyton asked frantically, her heartbeat speeding up. "Did…did you tell her?"

Brooke reached for her hand and took solace in the reassuring squeeze she received as Peyton steered her toward a couple chairs. Peyton was, and almost always had been, rather oblivious when it came to how much she cared about Lucy.

"Um, yeah, I told her," Brooke said, a little bit hysterically.

"And?"

"Well…Luke and I went in together to tell her, and she was…you know. As expected, a little hurt, confused, but…she was happy to know. I know she was."

"That's…good, right?"

"Sure," Brooke said dismissively, glancing hesitantly at her best friend. "But, um…I kind of did something I shouldn't have."

Peyton frowned. "What?" she asked gently.

Brooke breathed in quickly. "I told her," she blurted.

"Told her…what?"

Brooke squeezed her eyes shut, preparing for a slap or a fainting spell or total speechlessness. Whatever it was, she didn't want to see that initial shock that would have to precede any and all of the options. "About you. I told her about you."

She snuck as eye open after a moment of silence, and was relieved to see that Peyton was yelling or collapsed on the floor. Rather, she was staring at a spot on the wall, much like Lucy had.

"P. Sawyer. Say something. You're killing me."

Peyton's eyes swam with tears. "She knows? She _knows_ I'm her…"

"Her mom," Brooke supplied quietly. "Yeah. She knows."

Peyton pressed one hand to her eyes, her lips pressed together. Brooke studied her worriedly, watching as her friend's shoulders shook. Cautiously, she inched toward Peyton and carefully wrapped an arm around her. Peyton leaned into her, burying her face in Brooke's shoulder and returning the half-hug.

"And you know what I think, P.?" Brooke asked, speaking super-softly. She tilted her head slightly, trying to get a look at Peyton's face.

The blonde made a strangled sound in the back of her throat.

Brooke pulled her a little closer. "I think she needs her mom," she said thickly, her tears falling into Peyton's hair.

Peyton made a whimper-like noise again. "I want you to know…"

The brunette sighed, closing her eyes. "I do," she promised, speaking around the lump in her throat. "You're welcome, I love you, and now move your ass up to your daughter's room."

-x-

Peyton blinked quickly one last time before knocking on Lucy's door, hoping that she'd removed all evidence of tears from her face.

"Hey," she whispered gently when Lucy glanced up at her, looking a little wounded. "Can I come in?"

Lucy shrugged apathetically. Peyton figured that that was the best she'd get. She'd always known that Lucy Scott would be a difficult teenager. Apparently the attitude was kicking in about a decade ahead of time.

Peyton walked toward her slowly. "You're not hanging out with Luke? I know how much he loves to read to you."

She shrugged again. "I told him I was tired," she said quietly.

"Yeah, you're still sleepy from your medicine?"

Lucy shrugged once more, but it held more of a helpless vibe. "I don't know."

Peyton nodded, smiling sympathetically as she approached the bed. She sat on the edge, stretching out next to Lucy so that she was half-sitting, half-lying down. "You got a lot of news today, didn't you?"

The little girl blinked quickly, her breaths shallow. "Yeah."

"I wanted to say that I'm sorry. Really, Lucy…I am so sorry. And I know that you're…you're _sad_, and you're still so young, and I can't explain things to you. At least not things that you'd want to hear. But you've got a lot of people that love you, and they're all going to make sure that you're happy. And when you're older, I promise you, we'll talk about all of this."

Lucy was quiet for a long moment, staring up at the ceiling. She finally glanced over at Peyton with vulnerable eyes. "Did you love my daddy?"

Peyton blinked back her own tears. "More than anything," she admitted shakily. "And you know something, Lucy? I still do." She figured she owed her daughter a hell of a lot of truth after all the deception she'd endured in her four short years of life. "But Lucy…that can't even compare to how much I love you."

She had never, not once, said those words out loud to anyone. She'd never admitted it to anyone, the heart-wrenching affection, a love so powerful that it hurt and that it was worth any risk, the way she felt about the most precious person in her world. Not even Brooke or Derek had heard those words from her mouth, though she knew that everyone knew.

"You love me?" Lucy asked, looking afraid and hopeful all at once.

"I always have. I always will." She smiled, gently slipping her fingers into her daughter's hair. She had always, always been so careful around her that this moment felt like some kind of freedom. "Want to know a secret?"

Lucy nodded eagerly.

"I had two moms, growing up, at different times. And they both meant everything to me, because there is something about that bond that is bigger than anything else. And you mean everything to me, too. I named you for them both. Lucy Elizabeth Ann."

Lucy bit her lip. "Why did you let my…why didn't _you_ be my mommy?"

Peyton took a deep breath. "People make mistakes, Luce. They do silly things sometimes. People leave, and it can really, really hurt. That was something that hurt me for a long time. But do you know what I've learned recently?" She smiled down into a set of eyes very similar to her own. "Sometimes they come back."

Her daughter returned the smile shyly, hesitantly, and Peyton thought her heart might explode. Lucy sighed, a big, dramatic huff as realization flashed through her eyes, and Peyton had to suppress a grin. She'd never be upset about the Brooke-like characteristics that Lucy had picked up.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," Peyton agreed quietly.

"There's no Santa Claus, is there?"

She laughed, a breathy puff of air that was sort of a sigh. She'd expected something more serious. She glanced upward and froze. Lucas was standing in the doorway of the room, silently watching the, a broken smile on his lips. She stared back at him for a moment, wondering how long he'd been there. She thought of her earlier words, and then of his, and felt a tear trail slowly down her cheek, winding down toward the pillow she leant back against. Lucy had asked her something simple, brought on by the more impacting revelations of the day. But the hard questions were still there, and they wouldn't be going anywhere soon.

She smiled back at Lucy apologetically, still stroking her hair, hyper-aware of Lucas' eyes trained on them. She was _all_ too aware of the fact that they were together as a family for the first time ever, all alone and without a single secret, all within ten feet of one another. "No," she said confidentially, at last. "There's not."


	19. Eighteen

**A/N: **It's my bday, so I thought I'd give you guys a little gift. Sorry if this chapter is a little dull - it's necessary. Reviews are love.

Eighteen: September 19th, 2011; St. Flora, North Carolina

"What're you doing?"

Peyton whirled around at the sound of his voice, clutching a sweater to her chest. She looked guilty and weary and broken, the stains of tears on her cheeks and dark circles under her eyes. Those green orbs of hers were so empty and yet so full, she was far too thin and her whole body looked weak, exhausted, worn down.

He hated that he could look at her like that and still see how beautiful she was. Still want her.

"I was just…just getting my things. You should sleep in here tonight."

"Peyton…this is your house. This is your room. Besides, where's Brooke going to sleep?"

She pressed one hand to her eyes and sighed. "Will you please just sleep in here? We'll figure it out. I can sleep on the floor if I have to."

"No, it…Peyton, it's okay."

"What do you mean, _it's okay_?" she demanded, a hysterical note in her voice.

"I mean, we can sleep in the same bed. We…we have a kid." It still felt strange on his tongue, foreign and unfamiliar to say. "So I think…I think it's okay if we share a bed."

After a brief, tense silence, she pressed her lips together and nodded. "Okay. Fine." She threw her sweater to the side.

"Fine," he muttered in agreement, looking down at the floor. When he glanced back up, he was startled to see her kicking her jeans off of her ankles and pulling her shirt over her head. He couldn't help but stare as she slipped off her bra and pulled an oversized black t-shirt emblazoned with Tric's logo over her head. She crawled into bed without looking at him once.

A little stunned, he followed her lead, stripping down to his boxers and flicking the lights off before pulling the covers back and lying down next to her. They weren't touching, but he could feel her body heat and hear her breathing. He noticed a catch in the patterns of her breath, and moments later, she sniffled. He couldn't ignore the tugging feeling in his chest.

"Peyton…it's not about me, okay? I mean, I'm not going to lie: I'm pissed that you lied to me. That _all_ of you lied to me. But it's really about _her_. About Lucy growing up with Brooke…I _know_ that she loves her, but she's not her mother. And it's about my having a daughter whom I have _never_ been there before. It's all about her."

There was a long silence as he listened to her breath, trying to figure out whether she was crying or not.

"I never should have made you that guy," she finally whispered, her voice raw.

"I never should have been that guy," he replied quietly. "The guy that left you."

And they both knew that those were apologies.

-x-

In the middle of the night, she shifted toward him, her body naturally drawn to his. She snuggled close, sighing in her sleep like she'd finally found the solace she was seeking.

He wanted to push her away, or to roll to the very edge of the bed and keep away from her. He should have wanted that.

But instead, he sighed in the same way, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her hair.

He couldn't deny that he'd missed this, that he'd missed her.

-x-

"Hey!" Haley said enthusiastically when she arrived home from the grocery store the next morning. She had to stifle a sad but amused smile as she regarded Lucas, Brooke, and Peyton sitting morosely on the couch. Brooke, who had slept there, still had bedhead and a blanket thrown over her lap. "Well, this love triangle certainly has taken an interesting turn…" she muttered.

Lucas sighed. "Do you really think you're funny, Hales?" he asked, wearily but not unkindly.

She rolled her eyes but decided not to comment. "Lucy gets to go home today."

"What is home?" Brooke muttered philosophically, twisting the rings she wore on her fingers.

Haley sighed, planting her hands on her hips. "Are the three of you seriously going to sit here and mope about it until we have to go pick her up?"

"Probably," Peyton admitted, flashing a smile for a split second before her face fell back into a frown.

"Come on," Haley said, sighing again. She grabbed a chair and dragged it over so that she could sit in front of them, prepared to mediate any disputes. "All we have to do now is come up with a plan. We are _making progress_, here."

"We never would have had a problem if someone had bothered to tell me that I had a child…" Lucas mumbled pointedly.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Peyton snapped at him, her frustration boiling over.

"No," he said firmly. "It's _not_ okay."

She blew out her breath, massaging her temples. "I didn't…I didn't mean it like that."

Haley patted her knee and turned to Lucas, waiting for him to speak. She arched an eyebrow impatiently.

"I want to go home, to Tree Hill. And I want to take her with me. I'll have my lawyer call Brooke's lawyer and we'll work something out." He glanced at the brunette for confirmation.

She nodded slowly. "I want…I'm going to go home, too. I can't just leave her so abruptly."

"That makes sense. That'll make it better for Luce," Haley agreed. "And…Peyton?"

She shrugged, fear and uncertainty shining out of her eyes. "I guess I'm staying here."

"Don't be stupid," Lucas told her. "You've got to be where she is."

"Well, where do you suggest I live, Lucas?" she asked him sharply, crossing her arms over her chest protectively. "And what would you like me to do with this house?"

"Don't talk to me like this is my fault," he growled.

"Okay, whoa, whoa," Haley said softly. "What the hell happened between you two since yesterday?"

"Nothing," they both said, glancing down.

She turned to Brooke, who shrugged helplessly. Haley sighed once again. "Peyton, you really should come home. For yourself, and for Lucy."

"I haven't even put this house on the market. I don't have anywhere to live in Tree Hill."

Lucas cleared his throat. "You could, uh…live with me."

Peyton turned her head so quickly to look at him that the movement was a blur. "_What_?" she gasped incredulously, her green eyes wide and vulnerable. Without waiting for a response, she shook her head and stood up, rushing out of the room.

Haley bit her lower lip and looked sadly at her best friend. "Lucas, can you please tell me what you're thinking?"

Brooke turned to him expectantly as well.

He groaned, leaning forward and burying his face in his hands. "Honestly, Haley, I don't really know."

-x-

Lucas rapped on the door of Peyton's room and gently pushed it open without waiting for a reply. She was sitting on the bed, staring at nothing. Her eyes darted over to meet his. "Hi," she whispered.

"Hey." He sighed. "Do you think we can talk about this like adults?"

"We can try," she replied, granting him a small smile. "Come in."

He closed the door behind himself and joined her, cautiously perching on the end of the bed. "I'm trying…not to be angry. I'm trying not to let myself get caught up in you and me and…I'm really just trying to think about what's best for Lucy." He met her eyes and she nodded in agreement. That was what she wanted, too.

"And I think it would be best if you, and I, and Brooke were all around her for the time being. You can't tell her you're her mother and then just fly out of her life, Peyton."

"That's not what I'm doing," she defended herself. "That's not what I'm trying to do. I love her, Lucas. It makes my heart seize up every time I look at her. Even when…when I was out of her life, I have always, always been trying to do what's best for her."

He nodded slowly, finally realizing that that was true. "I know." She'd made mistakes, but she'd made them for the best possible reasons.

She let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding. "Thank you," she murmured.

"So…come to Tree Hill, Peyton. I'll help you sell this house. I'll help you find a job, if you need it. I'll help you –"

"Why?" she breathed, her eyes searching her face.

"I – what?" he asked, frowning in confusion.

"Why would you help me, Luke? After everything we've been through and everything I've done, why would you help me?"

"Because…because I know that I hurt you, too. And because…no matter how I feel about you right now…you're the mother of my child," he shrugged. "And you're the girl I was in love with for a very, very long time."

She smiled softly, trying to ignore the pang in her chest that she felt at the past tense he used. "And how is it that you feel about me now?"

He grinned at some private, internal joke, meeting her eyes. "I might let you know when I figure it out."

Biting her lip to keep her smile from growing, she nodded. "Yeah…"

"So let's do it. Let's bring Lucy back to Tree Hill and let's try to figure out how this…divorced parenting thing…works."

"I don't know if it's really…divorced parenting…"

"Well, I know we never actually got married, so we never really –"

"No." She cut him off, laughing lightly. "I mean…if we're living together."

"You need a place. I have a room. It's that simple."

"Okay, firstly – it's never that simple. And secondly, Luke, you _don't_ have a room. Not if Lucy's going to be living with you. Your house has two bedrooms." She shook her head. "Maybe…she should stay with Brooke for a while? Or I should just keep out of it and let you get to know your daughter…?"

He shook his head stubbornly. "I'm not depriving my kid of either of her parents. I'm mad, and I want…legal rights, as a father, but…you're her mom. And I want you to be there just as much as I want to be there."

Peyton sighed. "I just don't know how this is supposed to work."

"You're being selfish." She looked at him in disbelief, wounded, and he continued, "You _are_. Would you please just stop thinking about us and start thinking about my…your…our daughter?"

"Lucas, I _am_ thinking about her," she told him firmly, her voice low and serious. "I have enough issues believing that I can be a good mother to Lucy, and I _really_ don't know if I can be a good mother to her living in _that house_."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that…it feels like my life came together and fell apart in that house." She sighed, fingering the bed sheets, idly smoothing out wrinkles. "That's the place where we talked about our wedding, and it's the house where I took a pregnancy test, the house where I told you you were going to be a father…the place I imagined we'd fall even more in love and raise our baby. And it's the place I went back to the day after I miscarried and the house where I found out about…about Lindsey…and the place I left when you and I ended." She looked up, meeting his eyes hesitantly.

"Oh," he said quietly, surprised.

"It's got my best and my worst memories. And I honestly don't know if I can handle either. Everything I dreamed about having in that house…I don't have it. I'm not going to. And that's okay, it's just…it's hard. It's _still_ really, really hard."

He took a moment to think about it as she idly traced out the pattern on her quilt with her index finger, forcing herself to be patient as she awaited her answer.

"You could have one thing," he finally said, speaking slowly and carefully.

"I don't understand."

He caught her gaze and something about his eyes told her not to look away. He took a deep breath and made sure he meant it before he finally said, reaching out and placing his hand next to hers on the blankets so that the tips of their fingers touched: "We can still raise our baby in that house."

-x-

"Hey," Brooke said easily, sitting down on the front porch steps next to Peyton. "Whatcha thinking about?"

"Derek," she admitted quietly, smiling weakly. "I'm going to miss living here, even without him."

Brooke hooked her arm through Peyton's and rested her head on the blonde's shoulder, smiling when she felt Peyton rest her cheek on top of her own head. "He'd be happy, P., you know? That you're finally doing this, with Luke and Lucy…"

"Yeah," she breathed.

"Where's your head at?" Brooke asked softly, her voice fell of concern.

"Never mind me." Peyton slipped her hand into Brooke's and squeezed lightly. "How are _you_?"

The brunette laughed to herself. "We're all such messes."

"Seriously, Brooke," Peyton told her, easily hearing the way her friend was avoiding the question.

She sighed. "I made a mistake, Peyton. All these years, all I was ever trying to do was to keep Lucy safe, and you safe, but…I should have done things differently."

"Brooke, it's my fault…"

"Yeah, maybe at the root of it," her friend agreement, nudging Peyton's shoulder gently with her own to make sure that she knew her words weren't meant unkindly. "But I made some stupid choices. I should've helped you, Peyton, but you should have raised Lucy. And I shouldn't have…I should've given Luke more of a chance. Yeah, he's a jerk for everything he's done…but I haven't exactly been fair to him."

"None of us have," she whispered. "Least of all me."

Brooke sat up and Peyton sighed before continuing, "I'm proud of you, for the record. You have done so much for me, and for Lucy, and for her and me and Luke right now…I love you," she said earnestly.

Brooke smiled fondly. "You too," she replied, nodding. "And, Peyton…for the record?" Her smile widened slightly. "It's gonna be okay. I promise."

-x-

"Hey, kiddo," Nathan said brightly as he entered his niece's room. She was sitting up in bed, a frown on her face. "What's up, Luce? You get to go home today."

She bit her lip, fidgeting in her hospital bed and scowling at the tape that held her IV in place on her small hand. "With who?" she asked him nervously, eyes wide and troubled.

Haley sighed as she walked in, hearing Lucy's question. "Here's the thing, baby girl," she said, setting Jamie down on his feet and walking over to kiss the little girl's forehead. "We are all going to Tree Hill."

"Where's that?"

"Not too far from here. You're gonna _love it_," Haley promised her, grinning enthusiastically. "I promise you will."

"For sure," Brooke agreed as she stepped inside, smiling lightly at the girl she'd been calling her daughter for the past four years. "How are you, honey bug? You ready for us to spring you from this place?"

"Are you going to Tree Hill, too?"

"I most definitely am. I'm not ready to be away from my girl yet," she said gently, winking at Lucy.

She seemed to relax a bit. "Am I going to live with you?"

Brooke crossed the room to perch on the edge of Lucy's bed. "No, honey bug. I'm going to be really close by, but you…are going to live with you dad. And your mom."

Everyone turned to the doorway, where Lucas and Peyton stood, looking slightly uncomfortable as they squished close together in that small space.

"What do you say, Lucy?" Peyton asked quietly, her smile calmer than those all of her friends wore. "You think you're up for that? It's your choice."

Their daughter looked back and forth between the two of them cautiously before she nodded slightly. "I think…" she murmured.

"We've stayed with Peyton before," Brooke reminded her brightly, trying to make this easier. "She's tons of fun, remember?"

Lucy nodded slowly, focusing her attention on Lucas. "Will you read to me?" she asked in a small voice.

"Anything, honey," he said lightly, nodding affirmatively.

"Who'll tuck me in at night?"

Peyton shrugged one shoulder. "One of us," she said readily, reminding herself to breathe.

"Not both of you?"

Lucas and Peyton's eyes locked; they held that gaze for a long time. Finally, she broke eye contact, glancing nervously at her three friends and leaving him to answer the question.

"Sure, kiddo," Lucas said softly, smiling at her. "Both of us."

"'Kay," Lucy breathed, returning his smile with a tiny one of her own.

"You'll go?" Brooke asked mutedly, her voice hopeful.

"Yeah," the four-year-old whispered, glancing at Brooke, then Lucas, then Peyton. "I'll go."


	20. Nineteen

**A/N: **As always, I apologize for the wait. It feels like it's been a while since I've written a flashback chapter, but hopefully you'll get a sense of the timeframe for this one. Reviews rock; I hope you like it. :)

Nineteen: December 16th, 2003; Tree Hill, North Carolina

"Hurry _up_," Lucas whined from his position on Peyton's bed. He was sprawled out, his head on one of her pillows, flipping through the latest issue of _Rolling Stone_. He'd gotten her a subscription for her last birthday and she often complained that he'd really been buying _himself_ a present in doing so, since he always read her copy instead of buying his own.

"Shut up!" she retorted from behind the closed bathroom door.

Sighing, he set aside the magazine and sat up a bit, folding one of his arms behind his heat. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, and his suit jacket, which he'd taken off when he got there, was lying at his side. He'd taken it off when he'd arrived too early for her liking, but he was now beginning to think that they'd miss the whole thing. "We're gonna be late!" he called.

"We are _not_."

"It's almost nine; it started at eight."

"Okay, I'm sorry, I know I'm being a total girl," she admitted. "But why are you in such a rush? You hate school functions."

Lucas sat up fully. "_You_ are the one who's insisting on dragging me to this semi-formal dance even though neither of us really wants to go."

She stormed out of the bathroom and planted her hands on her hips, her green eyes flashing dangerously. "We are both going to this dance from hell as a service to our friends. Nathan's sunk into some kind of self-destructive depression since Haley left two weeks ago and Brooke is practically regressing – she'll sleep with half the basketball team by the end of the month if we don't intervene and remind her that she's got friends who care about her. We're going together just because it makes sense; we're both going and we're friends and we're supposed to have dates and –" She stopped short, frowning. "Why the hell are you looking at me like that?"

He smiled slightly. "You don't look like a total girl."

Her face fell but she quickly tried to cover her disappointment. "Well, it's not like I'm trying to be Barbie or anything…" she scoffed uncertainly.

"You look like an angel," he said simply as he got off the bed and reached out toward her.

She slipped her hands into his shyly, looking down as her cheeks turned pink. "Luke," she sighed.

"I'm serious," he insisted, squeezing her fingers gently. "Well worth the wait."

"Stop. My hair is doing crazy things and I've got a scar from a freaking bullet wound on my leg."

Her hair looked great in loose curls and her simple silvery-white dress emphasized her lean legs but didn't draw any attention to her scar. He shook his head, denying her words, and lifted one of her hands to kiss her knuckles. "You're gorgeous. And you're _finally_ ready to go."

She giggled – he always felt a certain sense of accomplishment when he made Peyton Sawyer _giggle_ – and nodded. "Yeah, let's go do this thing."

He shrugged his blazer on. "Love the enthusiasm."

Peyton rolled her eyes. "The sooner we get there, the sooner we can leave."

Lucas pouted at her. "We can't stay the whole time?"

"You were just whining about me _dragging_ you there!" she cried exasperatedly.

"I take it back. That was before I knew I was going with the most beautiful girl in school." He winked at her. "I've got to show you off."

-x-

"_Pey_ton!" Brooke cried, throwing her arms sloppily around the blonde's neck the moment Lucas and Peyton walked into the gym, which was decorated for the dance.

"Someone's drunk already," Peyton sighed, supporting some of her best friend's weight as Brooke stumbled. She threw Lucas an irritated look and he balked playfully.

"Hey, don't look at me! _I'm_ not the one who made us late."

"You look so pretty," Brooke sighed, touching Peyton's hair. She turned to Lucas. "Doesn't she look _pretty_?"

"Yeah, we've already had this conversation," Peyton replied before he could answer for himself. "B. Davis, how much have you had to drink tonight?"

"Only a _little_," Brooke insisted, stage-whispering: "Vegas spiked the punch."

"Of course he did," Lucas muttered irritably. "Hey, Brooke, why don't we get you some water and go…talk about…how pretty Peyton looks…" he said impulsively, "while she goes to find Nathan?"

Peyton nodded, shooting him a grateful look as she transferred Brooke into his arms. "I'll be back soon," she promised.

As she turned to go, she heard Brooke talking loudly to Luke, informing him, "She looks pretty _for you_, you know." Peyton could only shake her head and hope that he wouldn't take Brooke's drunken words too seriously. They were friends, that's all.

It took her all of two minutes to locate Nathan, who was sitting alone at a table gulping down punch, his sit jacket gone and his tie loosened, his eyes bleary and sad.

"Hey, buddy," she said gently, patting his knee as she took a seat next to him.

"Hi," he mumbled.

Peyton sighed. "I'm worried about you, Nate."

"Don't be."

"Well, I am," she said bluntly. "Will you please talk to me about what's going on with you?"

He exhaled and met her eyes. "Do you think she's coming back, Peyt?"

"Oh, Nathan," she said sadly, "She promised that she would. Haley keeps her promises."

"I don't know that. I don't know anything, I don't know her like I thought I did. I don't know her at _all_. Her promises don't mean anything."

"Nate…" she whispered mournfully.

"Whatever," he said, shrugging off her concern as he stood up unsteadily. "People always leave, right?"

"They don't," she whispered. "I know that you're hurting and I know how awful it is to lose someone, but Haley's going to come back. People don't _always_ leave. Brooke and Lucas are still here…and so are you."

"I wouldn't count on that," he said darkly. "I never promised you anything worthwhile, Peyton. I was a jerk to you most of the time we were dating and you're a better friend to me than I am to you now. I know Brooke is your best friend but one day she's going to move on with some guy and leave you behind. And I know Luke promises you the world and you believe him. But you shouldn't. You shouldn't." He cast one last look back at her before he stalked off to carry on brooding. "You look beautiful," he muttered, and turned to go.

Peyton toyed with the idea of going after him, but before she could make a decision, Vegas swooped in smoothly, straddling the chair Nathan had just vacated and grinning at her.

"Sup, P. Sawyer?" he asks self-assuredly.

She tilted her head to the side slightly. "I don't think we really know each other well enough for nicknames, dude," she told him with more patience than she actually possessed.

"So let's change that," he shrugged, his eyes raking down her body. "You look hot tonight." Getting to his feet, he held a hand out to her. "Let's dance."

"No thanks."

"Peyton," he sighed, "come _on_. I'm single, you're single, I'm sexy, you're sexy…" He stopped when he saw her scowl. "It's not even a slow song!"

She sighed, ten seconds away from telling him to fuck off, but Lucas and Brooke caught her attention out of the corner of her eye. They were sitting alone at a table, a glass of water in front of Brooke, talking with their heads close together. Brooke said something and giggled, Lucas laughed, and Peyton felt her heart constrict. It had been over a year since the school shooting, over a year since they'd broken up, but as she looked at them now she wondered if something was still there between them. Nathan's parting words resonated in her head and she wondered if they were over there laughing at her expense right now, at the dress that she'd worn for him so that they could attend the school dance that she'd thought, deep down, they wanted to go to. Maybe Lucas really wouldn't stay true to everything he'd promised her, and maybe Lucas would be the boy Brooke left her behind for. She sighed again and slipped her hand into Vegas'.

"Let's dance," she agreed.

-x-

"How're you doing, Brooke?" Lucas asked her, hiding his laughter as he watched her examine her water glass as if it were a mystery to her.

"I'm okay," she shrugged. "Nathan's not so good," she informed him in the ultra-serious way of an intoxicated person.

"Yeah, I know. Peyt's working on it."

Brooke scrutinized his face. "Are _you_ good?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure, I'm good."

The brunette shook her head and leaned in close to him. "I _mean_, are you and Peyton good?"

"Peyton and I are just friends."

She rolled her eyes. "God, it's been over a year. Would you two just do it already?"

Lucas couldn't help but laugh. "Do you really think she came here for me tonight? That she got dressed up for me tonight?"

Brooke sat up in her chair and gave him a condescending look. "I don't think, I _know_."

He chuckled and looked around the gym, seeking her out. The moment his eyes landed on her his chest tightened. She was talking to Vegas, giving him a doubtful look, but then he said something and she nodded, slipping her hand into his and following him into the crowd of dancing teens. He watched as they danced. Peyton was a good dancer but a hesitant one, and Vegas seemed to recognize that; Lucas' jaw clenched as Vegas broke out all his best moves, making her relax and giggle. _Giggle_.

The song changed and Peyton went to move away, but Vegas grabbed her hand and pulled her body toward his, wrapping his arms around her waist as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Peyton looked resistant for a moment, but then he said something to her and Lucas recognized the bashful look on her face as she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him. Lucas was glaring at them so fiercely that he was honestly surprised that they couldn't feel the anger in his stare.

He glanced over at Brooke, who was watching him, wearing an amused expression. She waved her hand lazily in the air. "Go, go. I'll be fine."

"I can't just go over there and…"

"No," she agreed, "you probably shouldn't." She laughed. "But you should see the look on your face right now. You're going over there, whether you should or not."

Lucas turned back toward Peyton and Vegas and watched as his teammate's hands slipped lower. That was the final straw, and he found himself charging over toward them and forcing them apart with a light amount of pressure on one of Peyton's shoulders and a not-so-light shove on one of Vegas'.

"What the hell, dude?!" Vegas demanded, scowling at him and reaching for Peyton's hand.

"Watch it," Lucas growled.

"Luke," Peyton hissed at him, and the deathly expression on her face told him that he'd be paying for this later.

He couldn't really have cared less. He grasped her hand, the one Vegas had been reaching for, and pulled her away. "We're leaving."

"Lucas!" she cried, but she wasn't as strong as he was, and she wasn't fully resistant, so it didn't take a lot of effort to pull her out of the dream.

"What the fuck, you idiot!?" she screamed at him the moment they were outdoors and he'd let go of her.

"What're you thinking, dancing with that guy?" he yelled back.

"They call it a dance for a reason, Lucas!"

"If you want to dance, you dance with me. You're _my_ date."

Peyton's eyes flashed and she took a couple angry strides toward him until their faces were inches apart. "Oh, _sorry_, Mr. Caveman," she sneered sarcastically.

"You came here with me!"

"We came here as friends!" she cried.

"Well…maybe we shouldn't have!"

She took a small step backward, regarding him warily. "What does that mean?" she asked in a much quieter tone.

"It means that…I wanted to come here tonight. I wanted to come here and I wanted to come with you, and I think that maybe…you knew that, because you actually got dressed up. I know that Brooke and Nathan need us right now, but I wanted tonight to be about _us_, not just them."

"Lucas…" she warned him, shaking her head.

"No, Peyt…" He sighed, all of his anger fading away. "I know that this scares you and I understand that so I've let it go, I've let us just be friends, and we haven't talked about it since that day when you woke up in the hospital. And I've let that go because you've been going through so much with your leg and then Ellie and everything, and because Brooke's been lonely and Haley and Nathan were fighting and then she left and I we all miss her and we're worried about them and I just didn't want to add any more drama to our lives. But…I think we should have come here tonight as more than just friends. I think we should be more than friends, because I love you."

"I love you, too," she murmured, "You're my best friend."

He wouldn't let her get away with that. "_Brooke_ is your best friend," he said adamantly.

"Okay, well yeah, but you're my best guy friend, and sometimes…sometimes it's like you know me better, like you get me more, like…"

"That's because I'm more than your friend. I'm _in love_ with you, Peyton Sawyer, and I think you're in love with me too."

She gave him a pleading look.

"I'm tired of avoiding it. I'm tired of pretending it isn't there. I'm tired of pretending that I don't want to kiss you or dance with you, I'm tired to pretending that there isn't anything between us. I've loved you for a long time, so I think…I think we should both just admit it and give in to what we really want." He shook his head and smiled slightly. "I'm not going to hurt you, Peyt. I'm not going to leave you. I haven't yet, have I?"

She sighed sadly and gave him a long, hard look, tears shining in her eyes. Finally, she blurted, "Will you come home with me tonight?"

His eyes practically bugged out of his head and she rolled her sad, tired green orbs as a watery laugh escaped her lips.

"Not for the reason you're thinking, _perv_," she told him exasperatedly. "I just really don't want to be alone because I my dad's gone and I miss my…my moms, both of them, and I miss Haley, and Nathan's such a mess and I don't know what to do about it, and Brooke needs me to take care of her but sometimes I'm scared I'm not enough for her, and these stupid shoes are hurting my feet and Vegas is gross and I wore this dress for you but I didn't…that's just not something I _do _and it scares me because…because I _need_ you," she confessed, her voice cracking, "so it's just really hard for me to admit that I…"

Lucas took four steps toward her, closing the distance between them and wrapping her up in a hug, one of his hands slipping into her hair as he cupped the back of her head. She melted into him, letting him support her weight, and sniffled as she curled up against his chest. "Okay," he murmured, "I know. It's okay." He rubbed her back and kissed her forehead. "Your feet hurt?"

She nodded.

"Okay." He released her gently and placed one hand at her back, bending slightly as he slipped his other hand just below her knees and swept her up into his arms, fully prepared to carry her to the car.

Peyton sighed, wrapping her arms around his neck and closing her eyes and she rested her head against his shoulder. "You're such a dork," she told him softly.

"And you love me," he muttered teasingly.

She made a disgruntled face, but she clung to him a little bit more and pressed her lips against his collarbone, and he knew that it was true.

-x-

They were both tired by the time they arrived in her room. She threw him a pair of basketball shorts that he'd left at her place at some point and grabbed one of his shirts out of the same drawer to serve as her own nightwear. They both changed in her room, backs to each other, but he caught a couple glances of her skin in his peripheral vision. She'd never been shy around him, and he was reminded of that fact when they crawled into her bed together and he noticed that she was wearing only that shirt of his over her underwear.

He laid on his back and she curled into his body, one of her legs draped over his, her arm lying over his chest, her chin tucked into his shoulder.

"Let's not make promises, okay?" she asked through a yawn, her eyes tired but still sparkling. "Promises can only get broken."

Lucas gave her a doubtful look. He wanted to argue, but she was looking at him in a way he couldn't resist, so he sighed and agreed, "Okay."

She reached blindly behind her to her bedside table and grabbed a book, which she placed on his chest. "Read to me," she requested quietly.

Never able to deny her, he picked up the book and opened it. A few lines into _The Bell Jar_, when he sensed that she was dozing off, he started to laugh. He tried not to disturb her, but the rumbling of his chest caught her attention, and she squinted at him.

"What is it?"

"_This_ is your idea of a romantic evening?" he asked teasingly. "Drunken friends, lame school dance, _Vegas_, fighting in the parking lot, shoes that give you blisters, depressing literature?"

She laughed softly, tugging the book from his hands and tossing it to the side, resting her weight on one of her elbows as she propped herself up. "My idea of a romantic evening," she breathed, her lips less than an inch from his, "is one that includes you."

And then she kissed him.

-x-

Peyton's bed was empty when she woke up the next morning. She sat up instantly when she noticed that Lucas wasn't there, looking around her room. He knew he wouldn't have left without saying goodbye, and she was reassured of that fact when she saw his suit and his shirt still lying on the floor off to the side. She kicked off the blankets and ran a hand through her hair as she set off to look for him. She didn't bother checking a mirror – Lucas had seen her at her best and worst and insisted she looked beautiful either way and everywhere in between, so she figured it'd take a little more than bedhead and sleepy eyes to scare him away.

She found him in the kitchen still in only his basketball shorts, making eggs and pancakes and listening to a mixed CD she'd made for him years ago. She leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms, smiling at him. "Aw, you're making my breakfast and you didn't even get laid?" she teased him.

He whirled around and grinned at her, eyes dancing mischievously as he arched an eyebrow. "Are you implying that you now officially owe me for every single time I've made you breakfast over the years? Because I haven't been keeping track, but I'm sure I could find some way to remember."

She laughed and walked over to him, tucking her arms beneath his as she hugged him and pressed her lips to his. "You seriously don't have to cook for me, you know."

"Yeah, but you never cook for yourself, so this is my way of making sure you don't get scurvy," he informed her, stealing one more kiss before he stepped away from her to flip his pancakes.

Peyton rolled her eyes as she took a seat at the kitchen table and propped her bare legs up on another one of the chairs, leaning back as she watched him cook. She watched him move around the kitchen appreciatively.

"See something you like?" he asked without turning around, and she could _hear_ the smirk in his words.

"Maybe," she shrugged coyly as he turned to place a plate in front of her, his eyes flying directly to her legs. She blinked at him innocently as she asked, "Why…do you?"

He put her plate down on the table and leaned in close to her, his eyes dark. "I don't think you know what you're asking for."

She grinned at him, biting her lower lip. "Or maybe I do," she replied, arching her eyebrows, daring him to make a move. "Your pancakes are probably burning, honey," she told him sweetly, giggling as he glared at her before he moved away.

Seconds later, they both jumped when they heard the distinct sounds of a bag hitting the floor and a throat being cleared. Peyton turned toward the doorway of the kitchen, wincing, well aware of who was there.

"Hi, Daddy," she said in a very small voice.

"Peyton Elizabeth," he began, his expression softening slightly when she grimaced sadly at the sound of her middle name. "Would you care to explain yourself?"

"I…" She trailed off, shooting Lucas a helpless look. "Okay, I know that this _sounds_ like a lie, but this _really_ isn't what it looks like."

"_Really_," Lucas repeated in agreement, and she shook her head subtly at him.

Larry Sawyer crossed his arms as he regarded them seriously. "If you were me…would you believe the two of you?"

Peyton sighed heavily, tugging at the hem of her t-shirt as she pulled her legs off the chair they rested on. "No," she admitted.

He nodded slowly. "I'm going to go get some coffee. When I get back, I want _you_ dressed," he said, giving Peyton a pointed look, "and Rakeboy _gone_. Is that understood?"

They both nodded quickly.

"Okay," Larry sighed. "I guess I'm going, then."

Peyton stared up at him, stunned. "That's it?" she blurted.

"Peyt," Lucas said shortly, his eyes widening.

"Sorry. I'm sorry, I just…Daddy, that's all you're going to say?"

"Well, I can't exactly kill him, honey. He saved your life. He's been good to you. So of all the boys in the world…" He sighed again, a long-suffering sigh, and leaned own to kiss the top of her head as he muttered: "At least he's making you breakfast."

They were completely silent until the door closed, when they took one look at one another and burst out laughing. Peyton buried her face in her hands and tried to catch her breath. She peeked up at him through her fingers. "Do you still love me?"

He grinned at her. "Even your _dad_ thinks you _so_ owe me for breakfast."

Her jaw dropped as he grabbed both of her hands and pulled her to her feet. She stumbled, her body pressing right against his, which had undoubtedly been his goal. Giggling, she wrapped her arms around him and said, "You've got to get out of here."

"Nah…we've got at least five minutes," he murmured as he kissed her cheek, causing her to squeal and gasp as he tilted his head, his lips attacking her neck.

-x-

"So _wait_," Nathan said from where he sat on the couch in his apartment. "Peyton's dad walked in on the two of you half-naked in her kitchen?"

Brooke, who was making popcorn in the kitchen, started laughing hysterically, hands pressed against the countertop to steady herself. "That's _golden_," she chuckled, walking over to join Nathan on the couch, two big bowls of popcorn in her hands. "He is so never forgetting that."

They were all gathered in Nathan's apartment, impatiently awaiting Haley and Chris' appearance on a late night talk show of some sort. Nathan was only watching because the rest of them were, or so he claimed. Nathan and Brooke, still both slightly hungover, were sprawled out on the couch while Lucas and Peyton were cuddled up in a nest of pillows and blankets on the floor. They watched _Friends_ reruns until nearly two o'clock in the morning, waiting for the show to come on. Brooke fell asleep and Nathan pretended to so that he wouldn't have to watch, and Lucas knew thought that Peyton was dead to the world at his side until she grasped his hand and pressed it to her chest, just over her heart.

"Feel that?" she whispered sleepily. "You're making my heart skip beats."

He grinned. "Well, I promise that I'll be here to give you arrhythmia for the rest of your life."

She scowled at him. "I thought we said no promises."

Lucas smirked. "We didn't promise no promises," he said cheekily.

"Jerk," she murmured, resting her head against his chest.

"Go to sleep," he told her gently as the talk show finally started on the screen. "I'll be right here when you wake up."

She sighed as she gave in to slumber. "Everything's gonna be alright, right?"

The talk show finally began and Haley appeared on the screen, guitar balanced on her knee, sitting next to Chris Keller. The show's host asked if they'd play a song, and Haley nodded readily, her fingers pressing against her guitar's strings, forming the first chord.

"This one's for my family," she said softly, looking right at the camera, and she winked. Lucas felt his heart swell. He knew, with total certainty, in that moment, that she was coming back, and he hoped that Nathan did too.

"Yeah," he murmured to Peyton, kissing her eyelids and brushing his lips against hers as Haley began to play, "Everything's gonna be alright."


End file.
